a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Saturday, December 15, 2012


As a society we have accepted the killing of innocents with our wars currently going on, We accept the violence in our movies, games, and daily thoughts as our euphemism show. What we all forget is some people can not separate the reality from the fantasy. Those few people who see death as a good thing, a game, or other unknown wreck havoc on our collective psyche as well as ruin the lives of those immediately involved. We are too big a population to see those who are odd and dangerous since we accept the individual oddity as a good thing. Few of us can tell the difference between the odd and the dangerous person.
If guns were not accessible I believe few of these tragedies would not occur. It is too late to gather all the weapons from those who wish to do harm. We do not know who will desire to kill on any given day. We do not know who will actually kill on any given day.
As a society we need to do what? What can we do so keep people from going over the edge of commonsense? What can we do to know who is at risk to do such destruction? How do we stop a person from his own desires to kill when we are a nation bent on killing others overseas, or even in out movies and games. Are they not related in the mind of those who have a weak grasp on reality and do they really have a weak grasp? Are We, society, the ones who are double minded about who deserves to die and who does not, so we can comfortably watch the killing of those over seas and say it is the right thing to do while condemning those who massacre out children in our schools/home/streets just because they are ours and not the "others".

Friday, December 7, 2012

Irony Part One: Coffee Crises

I drink coffee. The the coffee maker takes #4 cone filters. Months ago I had to buy #2 in a 200 pack size since there were no #4, and 200 was the only size when I was in the store and it is an 80 mile round trip so I was not going to go back anytime soon. I have used up the #2 cones. I did have some basket filters left and put them away for emergency; However, while unpacking some boxes for my aunt I saw she had one of these mesh reusable #4 cones. Ah ha! says I, when I run out I will go and get that from the storage room, since storage space is at a premium in the kitchen.

A month later I have the dear wonderful contractor (I mean that sincerely.) come to do work. I noticed that morning that #2 was my last filter. So I will go get the mesh one later on today.

By later on that day the whole of the available area in the storage room was being used to store the items for the other projects still to be done in a few days (He roofs and the dry days are needed for outside work and he has 3 more roofs to do while the weather keeps.) I can not get to the are where the mesh filter is at this time. No bit problem says I. I need to go to the store and I will just buy a pack of #4 cones at the local grocery store which I have discovered as a wonder little gem. #4, #2, in fact all cones filters were sold out.....only baskets. Well I have some basket shapes here in the kitchen....in a safe and reasonable place.

I return home and Can't remember where that reasonable place is. I need to look in earnest or there will be no coffee this morning, Or I can rinse out the filter again since I did it yesterday morning.

This is Irony in spades. This is only part one of the series.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Capitalism's Scams

I am dealing with an insurance company. I hate Insurance Companies at this point. They do not live in my world and I am being penalized for not living in their land of LALALA.
Getting ANYONE to do work on or in a house here is a miracle. If Someone shows up when they say they will be here I will need my smelling salts. I am never ready for that knock on the door by someone who says "I will be there tomorrow or Monday" or whatever freaking date comes to their minds. Yet the Insurance company expected me to repair a wall that was leaking even though the leak was caused by the leaking roof. I was on the list to get a new roof for 6 months. Does the insurance company have a crew to do repairs....no. So I am at the mercy of those who are in the business of construction. Of course the foundation was out of kilter and needed to be fixed before the roof could be done. It is a never ending cycle of waiting and being threatened by these brainless people who run these for profit mega companies who really loathe to pay out money for anything ever.

We are scared into insurance all the time by bad drivers, our thoughtless driving, and all the little things that can and do go wrong in life. Everything is expensive. Our modern lives are full of dangerous luxuries. Much like our ancestors feared fire we fear everything. We have so much stuff, such very expensive homes that any repair is a bank breaker since we are living beyond our means. I am not but more people than not are. I have an old house. I am fixing it since it has been neglected for decades. Surprisingly it is in OK shape even though the people who lived here since 1940 were trash and did everything badly wrong or stupid (not necessarily in that order) But my house was built in 1900. Built to last longer than the new houses are today.

I need new glass in the kitchen window....I had a man out and he quoted me a price and said he'd be back in a week....5 months ago. There is a plumber in town that is suppose to be the best in the business and he never shows up. Well to me the best in the business is the one who shows up or at least says he is so bust=y he can't do it.

Here a man's word is nothing. And all those nothings have tormented me for months.

There is no trust left in me for the big businesses/Capitalism. It may seem odd since it is the small business man that has thwarted my efforts to get things done to add to the economy. But these people are the bedrock of capitalism and these people are lousy so the foundation of America is rotten and soon it will start to fall from the bottom. The big businesses will suffer eventually. But those tycoons will still get their work done, wear their fancy suits and sit on their golden toilets. Me? I am so disgusted at this system that I don't care anymore. I hate those who do not live in reality....my world.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Uncomfortable Grace

I have been a vegetarian/vegan for over a decade. I like it. I am used to it. I miss it. I have taken in my 95 year old Aunty and she still has a relish for eating. She also likes to have me eat with her and share. So I decided to stop eating veg while she is still alive. A concession from love. The people who know me say it is a good thing for her sake. I am not worried about any sin. I do not believe in a god or gods anyway so the world is open to me with out someone imposing restrictions. So I make steaks and chops, filets. I have though, drawn the line at foul, that I will not eat, however I did buy some Cornish hens to cook for her. I cannot make for me my things and for her her things. I do not have the energy nor do I want her to feel uncomfortable while living with me. She is the one who was uprooted and had her home sold out from under her and sent to the streets (metaphorically speaking). I respect her age and her life. I am just missing my normal diet. When she is off her feed I eat my own way and feed her what she wants. I am used to doing this with my Dad when I cared for him those 26 years ago. So what is the point of this blog? None just to share with others how I feel today. It is hard to detach myself from the violent meat eating world, since I know better. I only cook the parts that do not gross me out. And it is hard but I do it from duty and love. Who else wanted an old lady have the best last days of her life except me? That is why she is in Maine and not in her little house in California. She had no one to take care of her. So I make sure she has what she desires. I miss tofu.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

A Comparison on Judgement at Nuremberg

After watching the Judgement at Nuremberg for the second time this year I am compelled to write about the theme of that movie and what is happening today in the United States of America.
The German people were condemned for “allowing” Hitler and his NAZI party to get into and stay in power. The Judges went along with it, some holding their noses, some embracing the new patriotic feelings after the humiliation of WW1, some thinking it was a phase that would end.
The Population welcomed all the good that Hitler did. Since they were not involved with the bad stuff, they let it go and decided to not pay attention to it. The” Others” were not them or their friends or family. Out of sight out of mind.

I have a staunch republican voter in the house, she is elderly but still has her mind. She can represent the mind of the normal people who embrace FOX news and are not involved in anything outside their own lives.
I am one of the current “others”.
Today I told her that I lost my job, which I loved, went to college to learn and worked at for 10 years because of my religion. Those terrorists were, after all Muslims, and all Muslims are potential terrorists. My relatives knew I was Muslim since I was 16. However in their desire to forget me and my leaving the Christian/Jewish fold, they never once considered how I and my husband could be affected after 9/11 or with the anti Muslim sentiment that has prevailed in this country for decades. They never once gave it a thought. Just like the good Germans never gave what was going on a thought. Most were not intellectuals. And thinking too much is hard work.
Many people here are more like the character Montgomery Clift played in the movie. The challenge to understand or go outside their comfort zone never appealed to them. It is as easy to be ignorant of the world’s happenings now as it was then with no TV and limited news access. The cable channels make it easy to never hear anything that you do not already believe or validates your ideals. People today are as ignorant as they were in the 1900s, 1910s,1920s, 1930s.

Now general ignorance is even more so since there is a lot of easy idea to fill the gaps in knowledge. There are many lies, misstatements, and propaganda that fill the airwaves and the empty minds of those who are not up to the intellectual challenge of out side their box life.
FOX and the other networks are enough for them. And most will rather watch a 50 year old rerun or a game show than to think. After all it is not their problem or life that is affected by the infection of the lie deliberate.
So how did the Germans let the NAZIs happen and all that came after? The same way the Americans are letting it happen now. We have no death camps...we are much more subtle than that.

We do kill an amazing amount of people a day in our quest to rid the world, our world, of Terrorists ( which all seem to be Muslims). We are much cleaner with the drones, and we kill them over in their own countries so we do not need to dispose them off after they are dead. We do not even record how many we kill, we do not care to know their names or gender or age.

So my dear fellow Americans this is how the German people let such a thing happen. Just like you are letting it happen now. Just like we turn a blind eye to Israel as their do it to those who just happened to living in Palestine when they wanted to occupy it in the name of Israel and to never forget or let it happen to them again....of course the “others” are not in that ideal to never let it happen to them ….they are after all the terrorists and the ones that are a threat to their way of life…
We all learned from the best and greatly improved on the techniques.

There are things the Nazis did better...Their uniforms, the fact they had a goal in mind for their country and people, They had a plan that everyone could see and know about if they wanted to know. Germany was organized.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Me Update:

I am much better. It is a good thing I practice witchy medicine. With the American system it helps. Side effects/allergic reactions to drugs and foods that are not anaphylaxis are more common...at least on me...And the only medicine that helps are antihistamines for me.

I have discovered that when I do have any sort of reaction to food or drug or mote the area affected that is weak..a former injury site for me, is most common. So I won't swell my tongue, I swell an injured knee or shoulder. And the swelling causes pain and major problems. The allergic reaction then mimics some other aliment. If I see a doctor I get a new drug, but that drug does not take care of the original reason for the pain in the first place. So I do not go to the doctor until I try out my own remedies.

My mother was a nurse and she did the same. She was from the Old School, no antibiotics or wonder drugs when she trained those 3 full years. She was an infection control nurse, worked in a TB hospital (she had the vaccine for TB) she was a polio nurse, a surgical nurse. I was brought up with a proper hygiene life style and a good strong fear of Doctors. (Doctors have tried to kill me twice with Statin drugs. I have permanent damage of my muscles because of those doctors who dismissed my concerns.)

I am not the least "scientific" in the modern sense. However I am in the old days sense. I try things out and note the results. If I get the same results each time I figure this is a good thing. I know what to avoid and what to embrace.

As my study of me has shown the major damage was to already damaged areas from injury. If I get an immediate reaction, I know what to do. But when the reaction is slow over a week or so the underlying cause can get over looked and all manner of tests and such will not present the cause and then the drug treatments ensue if I go to the doctor. Since a visit to the doctor is not a desirable thing, I need to investigate on my own.

I noticed I was hurting and my knee was killing me for no real reason (I refused to just think it was getting old) I could not life the things I lifted a few weeks ago...I am not talking about years ago!.... What has changed, what have I done or ate that was new of different? Red rice crackers came in a few weeks ago and I liked those crispy sesame rice crackers. I ate them by the bowlful as a snack. A few days back I blog about what was going on and decided to reflect on what and why I was feeling so crummy. I was in major limping pain and was scared some horrible thing was going on with me...alone with a 95 year old and the too many cats...with winter coming...I was scared.

I stopped the crackers several days ago( the day I wrote the last blog. I thought my fibromyalgia was acting up...it is...but it was more than just that is was that Statin reaction again. It is the same each time and since I keep a journal I was able to looks up the past symptoms I had.

Last night I took the bendryl, 2 tablets & some vitamins (niacin, l-lysine, C) for good measure. I roasted my legs with the heating pad all night. Here is the clincher I was up peeing 3 times. A sure thing that the swelling was being taken care of. It always happens to me after a sever allergic reaction that the swelling is release through the kidney and bladder.

So I am on the road to recovery. I am better today than I was 10 hours ago. I will have aches and pains in all the places that were affected but they will ease up in time. When the tissues are swollen they cause discomfort and pain.

My theory is again proved for me. I need to treat the fibromyalgia still, however that is manageable with exercise, nutrition, and keeping the stress and bad thought at bay. The aches and crippling pain is gone. The residual is easing up. So this is the life of me.
A little Witchy medicine and common sense helped my recovery.


Monday, October 22, 2012

A Little Detective Work

I have been feeling crummy for many weeks now, more so than normal. While in bed I wondered why. Why do I hurt all over for no good reason. Who beat me with a rubber hose all night? Here is what I came up with.

1. I moved to a new house and it is in need of major fixing and decorating. I am at the mercy of hired help that are not too good at time management.

2. I took in my 95 year old Aunty and gave her a home when she needed one. This has created a real change in my daily life.

3. My diet has changed. I am a vegetarian and would rather be one and it looks like I will revert and have to cook for her and me separately since my eating with her the same food is not agreeing with me. I now know I do not miss meat and I am happier with out it.

4. A few weeks ago I got in some great red rice crackers and I think my dainty system is sensitive enough to react with the natural Statins in the red rice.....Doctors have tried to kill me twice with Statin drugs and I know this pain is that same pain now that I observed and thought about it this morning.

5. I am drinking more coffee than I used too. Caffeine is not good for Fibromyalia of which I have, but had it under control until this move.

6. I do have Fibromyagia and I have not taken care of it for many months now. It is only natural that it should flair up when I rather it did not.

Life is hard and my body is telling me to do different things. That good heating on my knee made it feel great...I had my lap top on my lap baking my knee and my knee worked fine when I got up from bed; So I need to keep the knee warmer than I have been. Leggings under my shorts! The heating pad anytime I can sit....

I also need to do my Sit and Be Fit DVDs. There is no station on this stupid Direct TV that has Sit and Be Fit.(http://www.sitandbefit.org/) However the Direct TV ruined my TV for the dvd player so I need a new TV for my DVDs. TVs cost money. Lots of money. I need one that is smaller than the giant one I wanted; and it must work with my receiver and speakers and DVD player. I will acquiesce to having one in my room.

I need to feel better. For me for my babies, for my sweetie, and aunty.
So I embark on the olden ways that worked and maybe the screen on this little laptop is big enough to play my DVD until I get something bigger.....

Time will tell.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Morning Ramble

I am far away from home while Sweetie is with his little princess who is in the process of passing out of this life.

The sun is out here. There was a big frost last night. The first one I have seen so it is my first October frost in the new house.

It is becoming a home, every so often something arrives that I unpack and use where I had nothing. Storage is a major issue. I hate clutter;cats raced through the living room and took out a lamp last night. I think it is just the lousy light blub.

I bought 2 boxes of those light bulbs so far each has lasted about 2 days or 6 hours. I hate when what I buy turns out to be crap. I am not rich or even up to middle class anymore, and the package of 5 dollar light bulbs that do not work would have bought a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and 2 cans of cat food. I wonder if Romney or Obama think of their money in those terms? The one million dollars spent for a day or so of campaigning would set my family up for the rest of our lives.

$5 is a lot of money to me right now. And if that is true then the $400 it takes to fill the heating Oil tank is very hard to come by. And $5 is a lot of money to me now.

There is no one who has lived this poor who is running for office now. If they were poor then it was decades ago and are glad they GOT THEIRS!

I once had a wonderful job and was on the list (short list with only me on it!) for a tenure track position. However Dean Mayo did not like me, I think she was a racist. But I do know that she said to my chair that she did not want me hired as a full time tenure track professor. My Chair obliged her. You know what?! That B*** of a Dean left the college a semester later to go to work at MY Alma Mater! In MY department I loved while at that university! From that moment I have never donated one cent to my old University.
I knew that woman as a liar and a cheat (with a weenie Ph.D. to boot!). She took the work of others and passed them off as her own. She stood up for the teachers in her own race and stabbed those who were not in the back. I was there for 10 years and I saw how she worked.

So these are the rambles on a frosty October morning. The coffee is made and I have a cup and the sun is out and I am glad I do not live in Texas any more. I'd rather be in Maine and poor than live with in a town with such nasty people. I have many for tales in the life of me and this little afsana is just one.

Friday, October 5, 2012

October Already!!

I love October! I am in the next best place to experience October....Maine....the first best is Miramichi New Brunswick. The days are mild when the sun is out; however, even if the sun is hiding behind the clouds the tress look like there is a ray of old Sol gilding the leaves. These golds, burgundies, russets, yellows create a sunny feeling on the greyest day.

I needed to drive to Bangor on Wednesday and the colors were beautiful. Here in the Pine Tree State the decorations by Nature inspire me. Deep green with the splashes of golds and russet, burgundy and yellow.

Who but nature should tell me what colors go with what? I have changed my color scheme for my downstairs rooms. On a cloudy grey day I want pops of colors, warm colors. Since there is no hot weather here I do not want cool colors.

I have just had a great idea....a wall mounted laundry room utility sink. The floor is slanted, I need floor space for litter boxes for the cats. And how easy can it be to wash big thing in the snow? So another great idea and now I just need to find space for what is already there.

I love October, I love all of Autumn and Wintah. I love Spring and now I will be able to love Summer! So everything is OK just send money and I will be fine! :-)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I feel fey.

I am fey today. So many things to dream about. So many things to plan. I have been here 6 months and the dumpster is getting organized and livable. An idea has come into my head and I am ready to plan all the amazing things that I can do. I need to look for my paper and ruler so I can plan and design. So many things and I can create a lot with a small budget...I think I can at least. Auntie says those who die young are lucky...this is from a 95 year old so the sentiment is sincere. We have a cloudy day today. A bit cool but fine weather. If there were not a Shirley Temple movie on I would be upstairs doing my first project today. While watching old movies I am getting a lot of ideas for decorating this house. I like what I see from the 1930s. I have always liked the 1930s and these old movies are like living vicariously in the past, my own time machine. Since today is not so nice, I can revel in the bits and pieces of the past. Chose what works, leave behind what does not. I live in my own time machine.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Ramblings for a foggy morning with rain.

A lovely day today and nothing in particular is going on. I have the electrical work done for now. I can plug stuff in, in all the second floor rooms! The stair elevator is in and working. The front door is fixed..take that stupid locksmith!....New doors to replace the drafty old doors are on order. When it gets cold in Maine the draft is not so good! Put up some pictures on my G+, read some articles online and have a few comments about how women want to be sexy and such with our pictures we put up for our ids. Well DUH! All we are are sex objects to most men so why not look as pretty as possible? And Men have some very interesting photos too, trying to look all studly and such! All we have are pictures and what we write. I look like my photo most of the time. Some are too afraid to even put their real name up let alone their real face, so I do not see the point of saying that women do it to tease men. Men started all this business about keep us in our place so they need to get over it and let us be fully human too. COS(change of subject) I do not like either person running for president, I do not like either party, I still do not like FOX anything although I listen when it is on...I cringe a lot since I am not as stupid or as gullible as the average FOX viewer. Please, does anyone really think that O'Reilly does not spin his information? It does make me afraid for my personal safety since people believe their dribble and hate talk. Some of those women talking heads are very prejudice; their words and tone are so full of hate and real ignorance of history (recent) and how big this world is. COS. I am finally getting a handle on this house. What I clean is staying a bit cleaner and once unpacked the boxes are tossed. Makes for more walking space. I am thinking of colors for the walls, stencils for decoration, and using the outside electrical conduits on the walls as part of the look. Believe me banging out the 112 year old plaster to rewire and then drywall at about $25K for the plugs was not an option! So the conduits are going to become part of the design.......Well that is a wrap for now..... I will fill you in later when i can find the lamps to plug in! Who does not label a box! 17 say kitchen glass, not one says Lamp. :-)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Decorator's Blues

I am waiting for people to come and do work. Roof. Install the stair lift. Put more than 3 outlets up stairs. Create a safe walkway in front, and a driveway....So many mechanical things that need to be done before the fun of a house to decorate is to be done. And so goes the decorating money.....I did the house in Miramichi on a real shoe string budget. If memory serves me correctly I spent less than $500 on the whole house including the sofa, love seat, and chair I got used-ish. They are perfect for the slipcovers I can get here but I am not there.

This house needs major work. The former owner was a jerk, idiot, tasteless bumpkin, low class white trash- and many other epithets I can find. Suffice it to say this house needs major decoration and repairs to become nice. Anything he did, he did wrong. The new-ish kitchen cabinets are installed so there is a tilt forward so everything tips over or rolls off. The position of the smaller set of cabinets does not allow for enough room to get anything larger than a person through. There is, however plenty of space so it could have been installed for ease of movement of things like washers, dryers, fridges...... but no, something was amiss in his logic part of his brain. I have heard stories but so far I see no evidence to corroborate these rumors. I will stay with my own list of epithets. His mother raise an idiot.

This could become a lovely home. It has a nice view. It is spacious. The rooms are generous. I just need to remove the tacky, jerryrigged crap and that takes time and money that could be spent in paint, door knobs, flooring......

I need a ladder. And I need to feel better. I spent the last six months packing and stressing about all sorts of major unexpected bombs that fell on our life. All cost money that we did not have to spare.

However, I am trying to find the right red for the sun room. The red I love is on a game I play on FB. I have curtains that will be fantastic with this odd reddish orangeish color in my head. It is a soft color. I would like a velvet finish. It is warm. The room is sunny and I need a color that will envelop during snowy days and complement the green and trees outside.

As for the kitchen, What can I do with 6 doors? I could start from scratch. I would like to. But the budget will not allow for such extravagance, since the downstairs bathrooms need major work. Whoever invented particle board bathroom cabinets should be drawn and quartered.

So I wait for the men to get time for me so I can do what I can do.

At least the closet will be nice when it gets done. But what to do with my wonderful clothes hangers?

Friday, September 7, 2012

FOX from New TV viewer's view

I have been watching TV with my Auntie for a week now here at home and for 3 weeks in California. She likes FOX. I gave it a try. As an open minded person I wanted to see what all the fuss was about since I have not watched broadcast TV since it went digital in 2009. I see all the techniques they use to inflame and misdirect viewers. They really are TV side bombers. They do a lot of damage to the collective thinking of viewers. They remind me of the flim flam people who do that pea under the shell game. Of course what is truth? They have their agenda and the No Spin Zone definitely has spin. What O'Reilly says may be true but it is out of proportion to the subject matter used to inflame and misdirect the attention of the viewer. It is obvious they do not like anything but oil from the Middle East and Muslim countries, it is also painfully obvious they believ it is the right of the USA to have it cheaply. They are very strong in the anti Muslim bias no matter what they say their essays. Their delivery says this to one who knows the tricks of inflection and innuendo. They are reactionary and not true conservative, and they interchange liberal with socialist, communist and independent thinking. They are so in love with Israel that all others involved in that part of the world become subhumans in their attitudes. It may be some form the collective guilt from the USA refusing to let Jews in this country when Jews were allowed to leave Germany before they were interned and murdered. Or it may be the desire to enable the second coming of Jesus. I do see they are irrational when it comes to people with out faith or belief. Makes them livid and they fall all over themselves to scream and rant( albeit in a modulated voice-at least some) They all love to shout and talk over anyone who has a differing opinion. It really becomes a free for all. I get agitated while watching because they leave out so much information that is vital to being an informed person. I do see that those who like it already are biased against Muslims, anything from the non-Christian perspective, and believe they are not poor but not yet rich. Many cling to the dream of wealth like a rosary, or their cross.

Here is one fact about drilling or oil sands/shale here in the USA...it will not bring down OUR price of gas unless the resulting oil is not allowed to be sold on the open market. Take that to the no Spin Zone.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Cost V. Benefits

As Everyone knows I have taken in my auntie to live with me. I bought this house last year before I even knew she would live with me. I love my aunt and want what is best for her.... and for me, too. I am 60 and I need to think about me too.

If all the improvements that need to be made to this house for her comfort and mobility are made that is a large out lay of money. She wants a bathtub like she had in California and to tell you the truth I hated that tub, it is cramped and killed my knee every time I got in or out. The idea of getting that here is not in my plans. However they seem to be hers. She is 95. I do not want to dishonor her in anyway, however I need to think about me and my old age too. I have no one to look after me she has me.

While at the doctor's appointment last week I saw an ad for an assisted living place. I have looked into it today, and with the money that needs to be spent on fixing this place up with things that I would not need, she could supplement her income and live in one of the apartments there.

I have no healthcare in the USA but have it in Canada. I did not plan to spend my life in Maine but use this house for shopping and as a second home to visit and maybe sell down the line once it is fixed up. I'd rather live with my husband there then here. here is nice but Canada is my home now.

I can stay here of course. I can go to see her once a week. I can do a lot of things. But what is best for her now as well as me? I have no idea at this point in time.
I offered my home freely and do not regret getting her out of that ugly situation she was in thanks to several relatives that forget she did not die when Joyce died. I still do not regret having her here. But what is best for her if she lives 5 more years and gets to be 100? If the shots in her eye stop working and if she declines further what then? What little savings she has would be spent in fixing this place and there would be nothing left for then. I need to think about this and will not make any decisions. But I need to think about her money well spent on her.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

No More Discrimination!

In New Brunswick, Canada, the government (provincial and national) actively ignore the plight of English speaking citizens. We must endure lower qualified workers in our services, stores and anywhere the public needs to associate with strangers simply because they speak French and more often than not they speak crappy English. I speak crappy French but great English but that will not get me into the door for any job interview. Is there any service from the province that lets a person learn French? No, nothing is there that will create a qualified bilingual speaker, and nothing under many thousands of dollars and years of study that will end up counting for anything in the job market. The province hates English speaking citizens and we are treated like second class citizens or worse as unwanted people. I always get the subtle attitude of go away from here English speaker, you are not wanted. I am treated poorly by the French speakers.

To declare a bilingual province and not provide assistance to teach all the adults who were brought up as English speakers before the edict was enthroned that New Brunswick should be bilingual is discrimination, and it is a brain drain on the province because of this dirty practice. The edict does not require anyone to be bilingual to be hired in New Brunswick or Canada however the administration enforces this non-written mandate which has frozen out several generations of English speakers.

This is the first in a series to wake up Canada and New Brunswick rants. French is a nice language but it is not the only language nor even the world language that will get a person ahead. I guess this is why New Brunswick is the new old Newfoundland... A joke.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

One of those pity party days

I am feeling sorry for myself and I need to vent. How else than to blog?! First off, I do not resent taking in my Aunt Nellie, she is a nice person and in no way am I upset at her.

I am upset though at the reason I had to take her in. And that I was the only one to do it.

Here is my back story-- I will keep it short.

The reason is I was the only one to take care of my Dad when I was just 20 to age 36. I spent 16 years of the young, fun times caring for my Dad who could be very hard to live with; he was verbally abusive to me many times but I stayed for my mother's sake.

I had a sister (still do technically) but she was never around to help not one day in 16 years. Oh she'd come to visit and call to ask for money but as for any kind of help... never. After my Dad died I was 36, lost my youth and opportunities to make something of myself (not that the sister did anything worthwhile). I was under educated, no skills, no job to pay into SSA. No thanks from anyone except Mom. I actually got mouthy talk from relatives on how I sucked off my parents! That hurt very much too, considering they were eating the food I prepared, shopped for, and enjoying the clean house I kept. So my sister was nasty to me and so were the relatives. Yes I really sucked off them for a long time!!!!!

I then met the man who would become my husband. Shocked the hell out of everyone that anyone would marry me. I married in haste to escape and have a life. That was 25 years ago. Qudus sent me to college. So I now have a BA and a MA. I worked at a job I loved...teaching in college...until 9/11...this is another blog for later.

So we lived like other people ups and downs. We retired and moved to Maine since I hate the heat of Texas and I never met anyone nice there. After 9/11 it got worse for us but that belongs in another blog.

I have a lovely dumpster of a fixer upper house in Maine and what happens to me? My Elderly Aunt is being mistreated by those who said they would care for her. No one hit her but they left her alone, skimmed money off her and let an old lady be alone who should not have been nor was suppose to be...

There are plenty of people who could have cared for her while she stayed in her own little house she built but those relatives made sure that would not happen. You see even I knew that Frances was suppose to move into Joyce's house so she could care for Nellie, because Joyce told me that. So in their rush to screw an old lady Richard Uncle Jim and Mary did the unthinkable...at least to a compassionate person. Several nieces could have had her in their home in California if it came to that, and there used to be enough of Aunty's savings to help her along if she needed professional care in a home.

But no I am the only one who stepped up and offered her a home. I live in Maine and I already spent 16 years caring for another and was looking forward to having some fun in steampunk decorating my old dumpster or moving back to Canada and be with my husband and friends. I am a little tired and I am 60 and I am now sad and alone feeling and doing the best I can to care for someone who cared for me. Although I am not one of the many who lived with her during their lean times sucking off her generous heart.

So I am feeling sorry for myself today since I now have a hundred boxes to sort through, another house of furniture to find a place for, and I can't steampunk my bathroom. And I need to have cable TV for her and she likes FOX. So woe is me, But I am glad she is here with me and not all alone at the non mercy of those who should be caring for her in her own home!

So forgive me my pity party today. i have a hair appointment so maybe that will help.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Fear and Hope

So much has happened this last year. August to August. My head whirls just thinking about everything unplanned that HAD to be dealt with. I am 4 months in a new house that turned out to be in worse shape than advertised. We make do and are slowing fixing it. A new family member is with us who lost her life savings and home by "theft" by her own family.

I am scared of this coming winter. When I am alone I can cope well enough, but my 95 year old Auntie needs better care than I would give myself so I need to provide for her first. Now the weather is nice but when the snow flies and we need to drive to Bangor to get the miracle eye injections that gave her back her sight, I am afraid. I have not driven in snow since 2008. I can still drive. I am fine, but I have this responsibility for her well being. Caring for cats is one thing but another human being?

I still need to get the driveway and pathway fixed since she uses a walker, and this house was not bought with her in mind last June! So much to think and plan for. I have interviewed a nice lady to help. I have written my cousin to see if she'd like to live here for a year and enjoy and help too. I do not want her husband though, he creeps me out a bit. He is happy as a wilderness man and I know she is not thrilled to be living like that anymore. She will most likely say no to me.

Life is funny. I was never in the top 10 to do what I am doing. I am as far away from California as I can get and stay in the USA. I'd rather go home to Canada and I would have, but Auntie is here. Yes life is funny. It is scary. It is thrilling. It is beautiful. It is full of ugly. Yet life is all there is and all must be accepted and lived through. I just need to keep going through the long tunnel and I know there will be enough sunshine, pretty snow falls and nice times to make up for the hardships.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Beware of Relatives

Relatives are first in line to screw you. I have seen more times where it is family that is dangerous than strangers. My own story is sad but the story of my 95 year old Auntie is sadder.
Auntie is a WWII vet, single and has worked all her life and saved her money. In 2008 the the niece that was to care for her died. At the time she was blind and could not walk. Her darling Sister and Brother-in-Law offered to help her. The brother of the niece, Auntie's Nephew seems to be a jerk. Niece was on Auntie's bank accounts as a safety feature, as all elderly people are advised to get another to help with these things just in incase. Nephew decided that everything in Auntie's accounts was half his sister's! He took it out and left Auntie high and dry. Sold the house out from under Auntie- Auntie built this house, paid for it and paid all the property taxes, paid off the mortgage for Niece since she was dying of cancer.
Everyone( sister, brother-in-law, nephew) decided that half of the money from Auntie's account now belonged to them.
I get a letter from the Sister's lawyer telling me that Sister and Brother-in-Law have graciously let Auntie live rent free in her own house( they bought the houses from Nephew (Dead Sisters house and the house that Auntie built and paid for on the same double size lot.) Plus they said they were paying all the expenses of Aunties since the Dead Sister's death. However I have all the canceled checks and all the bank balances and Auntie paid every cent of her expenses and all the property taxes and related expenses of her house. Yet they say they were gracious enough to let her live in her own house rent free.
I am not going to tell this to their lawyer. He is a lawyer after all, and his ethics are with his clients. Since his clients have no conscience and told Auntie she is living too long anyway why should I spend my money to fight them? May they rot in their own living hell. I have Auntie in my home where she is safe fed and cared for. No more days of isolation and worry about what is to become of her. No one should be victimized, especially by family. But They are the first in line to screw you.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Bring Back the Trains

When did the governments become unresponsive to the needs of its citizens? When did our government cease to care about its citizens? Was it in my life time?

These are not idle and silly questions. I ask because I am concerned about how I live and every other ordinary person, is living here in the US and Canada.

I need to get from one place to another and driving is a very dangerous experience on the roads of Maine, New Brunswick, and other places. We have bad weather, large animals, small animals, and driver fatigue to be concerned about. Let alone dark desolated stretches of road with no means of communications in case of an accident. If the cell phone does not work, then what sort of help can be summoned?

Canada wants to stop VIA so there will no way to get from here to there by train. The US has already crippled Amtrak to the point of absurdity. We are forced to take dangerous, cramped air planes or drive across the hundreds and thousands of miles and risk our lives in the process. One would begin to think that travel of its citizens is not desired by the governments. Oh yes I can drive but it is long, dangerous roads, poorly maintained at that, I have access to. Gas prices aside the public needs real transportation. And Trains are the economical way to go. Not even high speed ones just the old fashioned ones that ran our country in the 1930s,1940s,1950s.... until the airlines took over with its siren song for speed and the automoblie industry seduced us with "freedom". I can live with out speed now since even air travel is uncomfortable, expensive, longer, and harder to get from here to there. And what price this freedom when I am stranded in the middle of nowhere with a flat tire?

An example. From Bangor Maine to not LA or San Francisco, but Sacramento, Calif will take 14 hours and cost $750 ONE WAY! I must change planes 3 times and the route is tortuous through Hub cities that double back. There will be nothing to eat and I will pay extra for one checked bag. I need to travel. If I did not need to I would never go to another airport again and be subjected to the rude, vile treatment from Homeland Security. The overworked airline staff try to be nice but they are getting 50% less than they did 15 years ago for more work. Air travel today is the cattle cars of the past. Even the first class ticket is on the same route and takes the same 14 hours! To travel by car means maybe a nine or more day drive at 500 miles a day motels and the fatigue. And I can never cross the state of New York in safety with their Jackboots roaming the highways. But I need to go to California to fetch my Aunt. I can't drive her back it would be too much for a 95 year old lady! It would add 21 days to my trip already. Whereas a train can do it in 3 or 4 days in relative comfort. Subject a 95 year old to 3 plane changes and 14 hours is torture. (Yes I know the US approves torture now)

What I want, nay, demand is the return to the train system, where dozens of towns had a station and there was a way to get from Podunkville to Boonieopolis with out a car. With out the stress of back roads and storm; with out the fear of breakdown(flat tire) in the middle of absolute nowhere!

Trains can be the way to move the citizens with a bit of comfort and just add a day or 2 to a trip, the planes may not be moving in the storm but the trains still do. I rather spend that extra day on a train than in the airport still facing the long uncomfortable flight when the weather does clear! And god forbid I get stuck on the tarmac for more than 4 hours! Even 30 minutes is pressing my panic attack buttons and going into meltdown.

So why not trains? Tell me Why not! Because the country is run by lousy automobile companies? Big oil makes diesel for trains so it is not them. Steel Plants can build rail cars. People can work laying more rails, keeping up stations and tens of thousands of jobs are created not just for short term but long term. Of course some intelligence and vision is needed from the rulers. And no one since FDR has cared about Americans, the little people the me and you people.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

One of the Disappeared, today?

I am ready to cry today. Q needs to go back to Canada and has left for the 6 hour drive and the Jackboot's interrogation at the border. I am alone again. I am so not liking this arrangement at all. At least there seems to be clear weather for his drive. I can fall apart so fast and it is so hard to keep together. I hate what we have been forced to do. I get lost so easily.

I am outraged and sick at my treatment at the border yesterday. It was worse than an old war movie since it was real, and cold blooded and sanctioned by my government like they do torture to anyone who strikes their fancy. It only happened AFTER the Schutzstaffel (SS) officer saw my name on my passport. That is a good name for the Homeland Security forces on the border, they have as much power and fear producing ability.

I have a lot to keep busy but it does not stop the noise in my head. The what if fears that have haunted me since 9/11. He was stopped by police while on a field trip with a college bus full of students (all adults college students)detained in the back seat of their patrol car in front of the students for an hour, then told to get the hell out their county and escorted to the border. This was 16 miles from a major American city 7th largest. They could have taken him in and I never would have know what happened to him. He could have become one of the disappeared people, he can still be disappeared now at the border, he knows it. I know it and I am sick with fear, until he calls me. Then I know he is OK.

I rage and cry; fear and loathe all who do not know or do not care or like that this happens to people like us.

One half of my family tree was eliminated during the war,(WW2)in Europe. I know how easy it can happen to someone secular and as "American" as anyone else when the government hates a group of people....

Yes we have 2 houses, both old(112yrs) paid. Neither was an expensive house. Both needed work....this one is in the process from being a dump to livable and it is costing us more then what we have........

And I hate today. I hope it goes away soon. It should turn to pain soon and I will cry some more.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Steampunk Reinvented

I have a new old house to fix and decorate. I have been reading decorating magazines for decades and I have discovered I have sensible eclectic tastes. I saw Steampunk and like the few things I have seen very much. I love the anachronism in most of it. I have always loved the anachronistic details of the rooms in my head.

Today I scrolled through dozens of pages dedicated to steampunk and the like. It is mostly a literary genre and I am not much interested in that reading genre. I have plenty of books and DVDs that I prefer to read and watch in my free time. And the stories are not any better than the original plots from the old literature anyway so why bother me about it.
However I like much of what I see; except the dust catching, cat challenging decor bits. Cats are the agents of Chaos and any room needs to be up to their challenges.
I have also been watching my DVD set of Babylon 5 and saw clearly today that the two design aesthetics are complementary.

How does one decorate a home anyway? I can not afford a decorator or the overly expensive items that the “look” needs. I need to create my own elements from what I can do creatively and afford financially. And the big one…. what I can physically do...I am no longer the worker who can pull a 20 hour painting marathon sleep for a few hours and finish up the next day. I need to make each thing I do work the first time and not think I can do it over very soon. So a lot of thinking goes into this process. A lot of penny counting and energy banking are also needed now.

So I am a elder looking to combine several newish trends and make them my own with out looking silly or regretting the time and effort spent.

This will be my 3rd house I have decorated and most likely my last. It must first meet the needs of my elder aunt who is coming to live with me. Thankfully she has artistic tastes. I need to create a safe and age in place environment, since I plan to live here for a while or until I need to move back to Canada. Auntie needs to be in the USA and hopefully will live to 100.
So that means safety and accessibility need to be built in at the very beginning of this project.

It will not be hard since just because I have grown old I have not grown different. I am still the me created by my ideas and experiences, my tastes and desires. No worry to going for Early American colonial styles since it was not in me earlier. Let the youth rediscover that genre of decor. I saw enough in my childhood! I don’t want safe beige and white...unless the white is ivory and glows like a pearl, the gold will be metallic and I will have the copper but not in my pots and pans…..
I see only a pleasant challenge ahead. I also see the real need for a safe ladder too!

Friday, June 8, 2012

June is Busting Out

I am getting ready for a great adventure. I need to get all the stuff I can nail down nailed down the rest will just have to float for a while. I may need and I plan to stay longer than 2 weeks to get auntie Nellie, Boris the cat, and all her stuff ready to move. Fresno is out and Sacramento is in. For all its size Fresno is a waste of my time. It has become harder to travel in the states and soon will be in Canada, too. Since VIA train is now stopping service from Montreal to Halifax. Atlantic Canada is not isolated.

It is all Business-is-government plot to control the movement of the people. We are forced to own a car, and pay money to the greedy oil companies. Public transport is non existent for all intents and purposes. Sweeti can NOT get from Calais, Maine to Miramichi New Brunswick. There is no train (used to be) there is no bus service, the only way is to drive. Addicted to OIL!? I think not we have no other choice at this time who created this Cowardly New World? Big auto industry and big oil along with the military industrial complex.

We are still the cash cows and we are getting less and less, fewer and fewer services from out high taxes. We are insulted by the people in government & abused by them on a daily basis. In New Brunswick if one does not speak French there are no jobs, and one is made to feel inferior to others. Everyone wants revenge on the ancient oppressor. Only bad thing is those oppressors are dead...LONG DEAD.....

Humanity is as vile as it ever was. Petty people occupy jobs where they can insult and make other lives miserable....they do it because no one has a voice. They do because they can.
Life is fair really. The rain falls on us all. However:

PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE FAIR OR UNFAIR ON A DAILY BASIS. It is their choice and they hide behind arcane rules and their Prejudice, Bigotry, and Ethnic Hate. These petty bureaucrats & clerks are the first line against the people. they have theirs and their whole reason to be is to keep YOU and ME from getting what is promised from the Business-Is Government(BIG).

Yes June is busting out and I need to fight the system and try to rescue an old lady...... I need super powers and a load of money....money the state of New York has stolen from me btw, with their own grab for my throat..Money a nasty person who tricked me in Texas........Humans I'd rather deal with the Narn they have at least honor.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Cooking and other Housewifery

I like to cook. However the price of Propane to run the stove is $3.00 a gallon. I still have no idea how much I use when cooking. The crock pot takes forever but if I plan ahead I can make stuff. I like to eat; however, cooking for one is very hard. Prepackaged food are not cost effective or nutritious. Now that I am living in a cold climate what I want to eat and what I am used to cooking(making) are not the same. When it is 50ยบ for the high cold foods are not desired by me. So long to the mixed salads & cold sandwiches.

I am scattered in thoughts and work. So many things need to be done and I can not do the important ones myself. And trying to get someone to just show up for a quote is the challenge. I am in a strange country.

We may be the United States but the rules and regulations are all different. so I am in a new country that happens to be English speaking. I know I need to adjust to the climate and I am it is what I wanted after all. After so many years in the tropics it will take time. I did not expect the vampires to be so numerous! Sitting outside when it is nice enough is the same challenge that I had in the tropics....BUGS...not just annoying bugs but evil vampire bugs that leave great big wounds.

I now Know why "Dark Shadows" was in Maine! With all the wounds from the biting flies who can tell a vampire wound?
Long sleeves, high collars, long leggings are the fashion choice for me. It will be part of my Andaz, my personal style. I also need waterproof boots. It will take some time to adjust to the new life. It was different in Texas I was coming out of the Central Valley in California and at lest in San Antonio I was not in the fog for the wintertime.

But the weather has changed over the years I was in Texas. Summers started to last longer and begin earlier. Rain became a deluge or drought nothing in between. And there are fire ants in Texas. Here my head and neck are wounded, there my feet and hands were covered with the pustules from the ant bites and the pain was great. Sitting outside meant mosquitoes here too, in additions to the black flies.

Back to cooking and shopping. I did not realize that Ellsworth was so far away from Milbridge. I am a champion catalog and online shopper. I do not like to drive in bad weather and here it is always something. The PTSD limits my time out in public. The renewal of my fears came when I was stopped with out cause by the stormtrooper in New York State. That sucked my progress right out. It also is and will suck my money out too. Money I could have used to fix my foundation, my roof, my unfinished room...and a host of other things. So If I need to go anywhere it is a few days to get the courage up and working to leave the house, as well as rationing the gas for the car. I will be glad when Auntie Nellie is here. I feel more brave when I have another person in the house. So the point of this is Honeyville http://store.honeyvillegrain.com/ I have tried so many of their products and they deliver.

I do recommend their products. It has been a long time since the produce in the stores where I go has been first quality or even fresh. Most is at the end of its keeping stage and goes bad rather fast even though I know how to store and prepare vegetables. So if they are old vegetables their nutrition is shot anyway. Onions are already going bad from the inside out...only means they are months old already before they hit the stores. So why not buy dehydrated, freeze dried!? So far so good. Every product I have bought has been first class and the empty cans make good canisters for the crafty person.

So I need a ladder and I think I found one and it can be shipped to my home.
Housewifery is a full time job if it is done well.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A day in the Life of me.

I need to make lists with small goals to keep me more centered. I did this morning and by the time I got down stairs I lost the list. I made another one it is right here. So far so good. I gave myself One Hour for internet... it can be such a time waster. But it is also my social life since my fall from grace.

The weather is fine and I am OK.

My alloted hour got interrupted with a phone call from sweeti. I put on a pot of borscht. I may have the gumption for pidiskis, may.... but I have homemade bread. Inkee my 16 year old cat asked for more food( canned) he has lost one of his fangs( his fanger) a few years back. And he feels less than able to defend himself from all the kids here. His vision is poor too..he is allergic to antibiotics and certain cat litters. He has always been a gentle black cat. So I fed him. When he wants something he gets my attention, I ask what does he want, I then name things, when I get to the right thing( food, cat nip, sitting..me w/ him on my lap...) he presses his head to my leg this means yes to us. He wanted more wet food. With 22 cats it creates a riot so I put him in a room and gave him a little can. I then had to give treats to the youngsters they know when someone gets special treatment and do not understand the elderly need special care (sorta like people ,no?) It is a beautiful day the people are going all over the state and I hope enjoying the scenery.

I enjoy watching the traffic go by. I do not care for much travel anymore. I am itching to paint but to buy paint means I need to drive to Ellsworth, means I need to buy rollers, a ladder, an extension for the rollers, extra roller covers, paint tray..... plus the paint so it is best to put off for a while and pay off the moving expenses. Then while I am there I should buy curtain rods and the other stuff that I need and can't get by UPS or FedEX. I have chosen the colors. I have a list of to do for the handyman when ever he remembers to call I may email him on Monday evening, it is a holiday and the weather is nice; I can't deny this nice weather to a Mainer at all!

I am finally out of that nasty cat litter( I hate walmart for not keeping in stock enough of the one we all like) it is all over the place and the cats vomit from it( cats vomit at a drop of a hat). I need to vacuum 3 or 4 times a day, I need more area rugs to catch the litter so it it at least stays on a carpet and not get everywhere.

So my one hour is almost done( adjusted for phone calls and soup putting on) I want to craft something today or maybe watch a movie....I'd like a nap but.....

Hope you weekend is going well.

Friday, May 25, 2012

New Brunswick, Canada

New Brunswick, Canada discriminates against English speaking people and favors bilingual over mono-lingual speakers to the point of freezing them out of all the better paying & best paying jobs. This means that a better qualified mono-lingual person is not hired in favor of a bilingual person who has lesser abilities. Go to any Service New Brunswick or any government department and you will find all bilingual people. And you will also see inefficient lackluster people, who speak English 90% of the time. The other 10% is on their break when they gossip in French while smoking outside. However there is no program, no assistance, no nothing to help those who want to learn French. There are also conflicting answers to the question of "Well if I do take that class for a year from 8am to 4 pm 5 days a week and pay the three thousand dollars that class will cost will cost will I get a job?" Answer was no. It is not long enough to be considered bilingual! Will I get some financial assistance since I can't work during that year? No.

No one in my age group learned French as a second language. The majority of New Brunswickers are English speaking. I have nothing against the Canadian French language, I want to learn it. What I have is a problem with is the institutionalized discrimination by the provincial government of 75% of its citizens who through no fault of their own do not speak Canadian French. We are being driven out of New Brunswick for lack of jobs, not lack of jobs we are qualified for but the fact that since we are not bilingual we can't even apply for them.

Of course this is payback for the years of British rule and the expulsion of the French in 1755-1763. And the act that made New Brunswick bilingual was passed in 1982. It was suppose to be a good thing so all people would be included and those who has a preference had the choice of language. However it is now the one thing that separated the citizen from the good jobs and those who need to leave or not even try. English speakers are treated like second class people in the market place and at the Provincial level. Who to complain too? Who looks after our rights? Personne. No one.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Busy falling apart

I have been alone since Wednesday. Not That long but it is the first time I am alone since 2009. I had a major breakdown in 2005/6. I have PTSD and the unjust ticket from the state of New York and this move has stressed me to the edge of the abyss. I have a doctor and she has helped very much. But unlike other mental disorders this is based on real traumatic events and can, and do, revisit my dreams and peek into the day via a scent or sound or a fleeting glimpse from the corner of my eye. Medications help but enough to really block the memories zero me out and I am a zombia with out the brain eating.

The unexpected poverty has not helped nor has aging helped. Inside I am still the me at 35. The first traumatic events began then. A whirlwind of a life followed and then the bigger things began. Not in any order but they piled up each happened before any kind of recovery from the previous event. Long drawn out traumas. The strength was already hammered from earlier times and how many blows does a rock take before that final blow hit the spot that shattered.

I am trying to cope. It is not the mental all it is also a few physical injuries that have hindered me too. Now it is the money to get the major repairs done here so I can decorate. We were misled about several things with this house. It is a dump really when compared to my home in Miramichi.. I am pulled in opposite directions. Both directions need to be addressed, they are real events that need to be done. If only this were imaginations and fantasy. Reality is so much worse when it is crashing down around. The bricks are real and there are bruises of the body as well as the soul.

At this moment in time I will decide it is the fact I am out of a particular medication and waiting for the delivery next week. Going anywhere as a long distance is not in the cards at this time...Thank-you New York State......driving is back to square 2.... just around town in a dripping sweat over 1/2 mile.......

Music helps or makes it worse. May be I can find a little escape in a DVD. Or choosing colors.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day 2012

Six years ago I was still in shock about my mother's sudden death the previous November. I was on my way to spend the Holidays with her when she died the morning of my arrival day. I was looking forward to the holidays with her since I had moved to Canada in August 2004. We talked everyday or so from the day I left, and I never felt she was in imminent danger of sudden death. I miss my mother but I do not wish her to live in the pain she was hiding from me. She knew I would come the day she asked me to come.

However she wanted me to have my own life now since I had used my late teens, 20s and nearly all my 30s helping her with my invalid father's care. I was happy for Mom to have seen me go to a real university and graduate with not only a BA but my Masters degree. She was proud and felt she had finally be able to do right by me. I do a lot in honor of my Mother. I care for my family of husband and cats, I keep things clean and sanitary, she was after all an infection control nurse in the times before all the antibiotics. MRSA would never have had a chance with her! She dreaded going to the hospitals and always said she wanted to die in her own bed.

On this Mother's Day I will call my mother's oldest sister, my Auntie Nellie. Auntie Nellie is 95 and as amazed to be that old as anyone! She is my God Mother when I was baptized. I may not believe in a deity anymore but I still love and respect my Aunt/God Mother. I am preparing a room for her in my new old home since no one in California where she lives wants to let he in their homes for her final years. Yes she is living on her own and still able to sorta. No one at age 95 should be living alone. There are plenty of relatives who really owe her that have the space and time to let an elder live with them...all those pious Russian Molokans, all those pious Jews, they have room and reason to care for here. I am 3300 miles away and it will take us over 3 days to get to here! 1 day in the hotel at the departure airport since all the flights leave at 6am, 10 plus house and 2 plane changes on the travel day, then another night in the airport hotel since the flight gets in at 12am. No way I will haul her for another 2 hours in the dark and in the car after such a trip! She is welcome here and what ever and all her stuff she wants too. Even her cat.

I am getting the room ready. It will be the little bedroom on the first floor. That room has a flush in the closet and the closet is big enough for a full powder room. I am wondering if I can get a window cut in the wall?. I have a much bigger room but not the money or the people to finish it into a nice room... it is woefully undone. The little room is warm has two windows with nice views. And as I told her, I do expect her to live in the whole house and not be in the bedroom unless she is sleeping or napping. This will be her home too. later we can decide on what to do with other parts. Now she needs shelter from those who yell at her for living too long! And that shelter is with me, as an honor to me to do for her.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Two Front Doors

My house has two front doors. The one we use is to the Kitchen. The "official" one is locked and closed with a storm doors about 100 years old. This house is not as nicely built as my home in New Brunswick. This house was for the working newly middle class folks. The doors are thinner than in New Brunswick. The entry hall is not a grand entrance but a small cramped area like in English houses of the same class.However it is 112 years old. The former owners were not very handy whatever they did was on the cheap and not with much foresight or skill. I doubt anything was professionally put in since they moved here in 1942. The first people who lived here may have had some taste but the person I bought this from did everything with no imagination or taste.

Now I do decorate and do things on a serious budget but I have plenty of imagination and taste so the clearance prices and goods are a challenge to me to choose the best one. I got in the three outdoor fixtures since this house has none over the kitchen door and broken ones at the front and deck side door. I choose tow for the front doors. The porch needed a flush mount, I got one in Oiled Bronze, the Main door is a carriage light in oiled bronze. Not matchy matchy but they look nice together; and I got them at a very good price. The deck door is an aluminum nautical looking light that will look nice and has a down casting light. The deck is private and not exposed to the public. But I will be able to see it from my kitchen sink. Now to call the electrician.

What to do with that main front door? Nasty cheap frosted plastic film is on the windows in the door. I have no money for a beveled glass or stained glass replacement and the kitchen door's windows are cracked and patched with the same frosted plastic film. I must replace the kitchen windows and they need to be custom cut and that will take any extra for something special. However I came across a wonderful website that sells plastic window films of a designer nature and they offer free samples so I looked through all their styles and had to choose just five. If I did not have stunning views from every window I'd be tempted to cover all the windows with that stuff! I can't wait for the samples to arrive! The front door will be show worthy.

I hear the house wanting to be pretty and wishing some one with some taste comes and dresses it up. But what to do with the storm door? I cannot afford a new all glass one---they are very costly. But the ol' imagination kicked in and I saw other storm doors painted bright, unusual colors, I am not as good an artist as I wish I was so no stunning mural is in the making... BUT...I do have a pattern of a pieced quilt that I like. Geometric patterns I can map out and paint! I also wanted to paint the detail trim out side, as well as the stairs next season when the new wood is broke in. I have seen some nice stairs that are alternating colors....a good idea for the old and stupid who are not used to walking up and down stairs!

My Russian/gypsy genes are charged up since this place is much like Siberia after the years in hot south Texas. Burnt Olive( Kilz brand), a good deep...but not to hard... red, a deep sea blue (like I see right now from the window!)and metallic gold (The quilt pattern has a gold sun circle and as I look at the porch pillars I want a metallic stripe inside the detail. [I also found a first class paint supply for the metallic paint. I may get by with a sample pot since I will use it discreetly.]) will be the accent colors on the outside trim, stairs, porch floors, and the deck. There are several houses here that are painted ladies. I am just doing trim for now and when I get a 50 foot ladder I can do the second and third floor windows.

So the desire to fix up this house is strong the pocket is empty and I need to use what I have and get by with some paint and what I have. I can do it. anyone with money can get the job done but doing a nice job with none?... that is talent. ;-)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Just a Ramble through my brains

I have some time to write since I am not doing the breakfast dishes. I need to say this up front:

1. I hate the state of New York.
2. Verizon/Orion Moving company is lousy and nasty to use.

That said I will also say that I really believe that the US government needs to change. I can not afford to keep warm (I am not talking shorts and tank top warm, but fleecy pants, socks, under shirt, long sleeve top shirt, and cardigan)-heating oil prices are too high and it cost $904.00 to fill my oil tank with 238 gallons of oil. A lot you say, well not really; I have been here since 1 April 2012, I have put 200 gallons in and we ran out in the middle of the night Sunday night. We still get frost on the ground here, I have several(10) very elderly cats and I am no spring chicken myself. The Oil companies are making buckets of profits, the US Government is squandering my and your tax money on war and murders and all round being nasty in the world. Politicians are spending more money I get in one month in 5 minutes for their political ambitions. It is morally wrong to do that while people like me (there are millions here in the US) are cold and with out any medical care and dread the fall or getting ill.

I cannot believe how mean and stingy those who wish to rule this country are and I can not believe how mean and stingy those the politicians pander to are. Why is it such a crime to be poor? I am educated but without work. What am I suppose to do? Die and decrease the surplus population? Why can't our tax money go to subsidize heating oil, universal medical care, public transit, and more?

Why not subsidize the food buyers and not so much the mega corporate food industry who makes obscene profits making junk food out of real food? How many aisles of plain wholesome food are in the markets and how many aisles of chips, cookies, crackers, frozen pizza and other snack food are there as compared to real cook it food? I bake bread, takes about 2 hours but there is a lot of time to do other things during the process. I bake bread since quality bread is $4.99 a loaf. I do not trust a loaf of bread that can be balled up into a ball the size of a tennis ball-not even a soft ball! Bread is the staff of life and it seems that there are too many people who want to deny that staff to everyone...seems like they are very religious people too. I know they probably want us to go to god( aka die) since that is the important part of their religion we have to die before we can be happy ...seems strange to me to think like that. I was thrown out of Sunday School for questions like that. No one wants to answer my questions, now or then.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Another nice day for an outing

Whenever it is nice out( sunny) we go off for a drive. Today we went east towards Canada. Campobello is still closed for the season. We saw our first beaver! It was a big one but it was moving a a fair clip. So our first beaver. We drove along Route 1 and Bar Harbor/Mt Desert Island has nothing on the views and loveliness of this drive!
Machais, East Machais, Whiting, and all the places in between were charming. Pembrook is creepy & haunted looking, and that was on a sunny day. It is a living ghost town; it felt spooky. Very interesting.
We wanted to take pictures in Machais which is so pretty, the river was boiling and the flowers were blooming but there are vampires there. We were swarmed with biting flies! I got two pictures and then back into the car! However the drive was lovely and it is a bit cooler and drier here in Milbridge although sunny now warmer no vampires yet. This is the nice part about here not hot!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Who does this to an Old Lady?

Auntie Nellie is 95. She is nearly blind and gets an injection in one eye every six weeks which has given her some sight back. She can not drive. The sister and brother-in-law which had agreed to take her to the doctors every six weeks did not show up this week and she had to ask the lady she pays to pick up her mail to take her! She lives alone no one sees her or calls (except me) her. Yet there are several doing nothing nieces who have the big enough house( empty of children) or no real life( bums who make do with odd jobs) all in their 40s who could stay with her or have her in their home that are just a few miles away! I am 3300 miles away! I now need to fly out, rent a car and then get her ready to move and fly her and her cat to Maine. I do not mind at all. However that there is lots of family there gripes my cookies. They are all selfish bloodsucking leeches as far as I am concerned. No matter what she is a human being who has lived to 95 and should live with some dignity and not beg people she is PAYING to do what they are being paid for. To tell someone they are at fault for living so long is wrong on so many levels. It is a moral outrage and a moral crime. I am the atheist in the family and not the pious church goer. This is so wrong to allow an elder to live alone. So much for all the god preaching and this makes every day in church and synagog a lie and they are such hypocrites it makes my head hurt.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Bar Harbor

We drove to Bar Harbor yesterday. Meh. It is OK but no big whoop! I think for scenic beauty the drive from Ellsworth to Milbridge is as nice and the Scoodic area nicer. Cherryfield is more quaint, more authentic than the tourist trappings of Bar Harbor. I went to the River "Bank" Gallery at 8 Main Street in Cherryfield and bought a beautiful house gift for me at a very nice price. Fred Langsman is a courtly gentleman who is well read and a lover of beauty.
His Gallery is well worth the visit. The whole town is well worth the trip. It is only 6 miles from Milbridge. We may not have the "history" of the robber barons of the gilded age but we are at least real. Jasper & Sons Wyman's wild blueberries are from here and they were voted the best on the market. Less traffic and about 90% less to buy if you want a vacation home makes this area a paradise. Today as was yesterday is sunny and cold-ish. The sea air is a tonic. I put up the house numbers today.
We are also getting ready for Auntie Nellie. She has decided to come and live with us. No one who is 95 should live alone. I think everyone should live with someone no matter the age just for safety and company. I need to figure out what kind of papers she was forced to sign a few years ago. No one need feel bad about living too long! I already plan to feed the deer so we can see them from our baywindow. Getting the small room ready is the first step. We are short on money since the State of Maine wants for a lot to be legal here, the the finishing of the big room and main bathroom needs to wait. But the small room is warm & sunny, with nice views. The 1/4 bath can be made into a 1/2 bath rather reasonably---I hope.
So all in all this move was a good one. We will adapt to the colder climate. We are glad we have room for Auntie Nellie. With all the relatives she has in California you'd think someone would have her in their big homes. But after the way I was treated I can't expect much form them can I?

Sunday, April 22, 2012

22 April 2012

On April first just 21 days ago at this time we were packing up the babies in cages and then in our truck and car. I did manage to eat breakfast at the La Quinta in Danbury Connecticut. Then our last frantic leg of the trip. It would have been a good trip if it were not the moving company lies and deceit. It is almost behind me now. We arrived and paid their ransom and they unloaded our crushed boxes into the cold night. We finally got our babies inside at 9:30pm. We managed to get them all here safe and sound. They were fed the house was warmed up for them and I found bedding in the jumble of boxes. Then we had no hot water! So I sponged bathed and we slept.

Now just 21 days later we have hot water(yeah!) two set of new stairs and the back ramp is redone, the front door lock. We paid too much for the lock but we have no one like we did in San Antonio or like we do in Miramichi. We are trying to settle in and so far so good. Now I am getting a cal from my Auntie Nellie( I had called her for her 95th birthday on Easter. She had a tale of woe then and I offered to let her live here.) So yesterday she called me and asked if my offer was good. Yes! So now we are getting the place ready for her.

I can get the little room ready in a few days since we just need to move those boxes and books to the great secret room upstairs. Then when I get her here she can help with her own bedroom....like would she like another window over looking the meadow and brook, what color for the walls. I expect her to live in the whole house and just use her room for sleep or a retreat. This house is nice it is a full 2 bedroom house on one floor and then the second floor has 3 rooms and a full bath, then there is the third floor room still to get flooring of a proper nature but a nice light room.
So there is plenty of room for Auntie Nellie and her cat Boris.

So we are here and now getting ready for my Auntie. There are plenty of nieces to do what I am doing but no one who cares enough. The ones taking care of her now (she lives alone and they just come once a week or two weeks) are angry that she has lived so long and hasn't died and left all her "wealth" to them. She gets around with a walker, still like a good laugh and likes to eat and drink and have a good time......Let the good times roll. I just need to get to California and get her and Boris on a Plane and fly to Maine!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Closer to human

Today was the first time I have felt goodly human. The sun is still out; there is a sea breeze and it is cool. From the window I can see civilization: a grand Victorian house wishing for a new owner, power lines, cars, trucks and strolling people. But with just a lift of my eyes I see the bay, boats, pine trees, cedar trees and those trees and shrubs that have not felt the awakening spring, they remain strangers, soon to become friends. I only miss my birds that I have been feeding and had to leave behind in San Antonio, Texas. There is not much to miss really. It ceased being my home when my colleagues turned on me after 9/11 and then became a place of sorrow when my Mother suddenly died in 2005. I have always left a place behind and never returned when I decided this was no longer my place. I have a place now in New Brunswick, I have people who are more family to me then those who share my DNA. Now they are only an easy days drive away not 6 hard days driving. I now need to establish me here in Maine. I think from a Feng Shui point this is a good location. The house has not been kept well and tells me she wants to be pretty. I was thinking plums and purples but she has said deep red, royal blue, pinks and saffron or cantaloup of all colors! The house in Miramichi wanted yellow and burgundy, pink and chinese red. She got that with a big dose of deep ink blue and is happy now. So deep red and royal blue, saffrons and pinks it is. Warm happy colors for this cold climate full of grey days, drizzle, and snow. As it happens I am short of decorating money and have many ideas. The fist lust/love/ want had to be abandoned... my classic 1934 stove on legs. It is $5600. The new propane is $389 delivered plus an additional $150 to install, as long as the old nasty judas of a stove is removed I will be happy. So I will have function and new since $5600 is so far off budget as to be silly. Only the rich people can have the common things from vintage days! Paint is cheap and ideas are free, and elbow grease is eased with aspirin. I want to spend money on recovering these chairs, ottomans and other chairs. I bought them at a used hotel furniture store and they are built like rocks so worth recovering. I just need to get the right fabric that will wear well with the cats and clean as well as these do. So all in all I am recovering from the trip. I can not say enough about the moving company. They made the trip a horror on wheels, that left us shellshocked, exhausted, and disgusted with the entire industry. [Verizon/Orion Lines for those who wish to know their name.] If I can not move it myself next time it stays! No company is worth that kind of grief again.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Middle Chapter-Mover From Hell

We always dreamed of a cooler climate. The heat and humidity was wearing us out and summers were lasting 8 months of the year with little respite from the unpleasant weather. The state had no more charm in its drought and heat patterns of the last decade and an half. We found a 100+ years old house in Maine. From Deep south Texas to Maine was 2330 miles, a long trip in itself but longer with pets since few places allow animals for travelers. Where and how are people suppose to move, to stay the night and no become the sub-humans that abandon animals when they move? So the trip would be longer since caging them for 12 hours a day was not easy and loading and unloading was hard when we were exhausted by the drive in unfamiliar territory. We knew we would drive less to save our strength so did the moving company and we were told not to worry, it was the slow season and they knew we would need 6 full days. It was deep into spring in Texas when we left. The days had already gotten hot and humid. The mover came a week early from our load date and began harassing us to move faster. It was not the packing but the preparation for the trip that was needed, banking, cutting off home services. We had put the down payment on the move and we were pressured to leave 5 days early. That was their first salvo at us and the stress began we need to get 22 cats ready for the trip in less time. We got a late start and arrived in Texarkana Arkansas, late around 9 p.m.. After our goods were loaded we were then told that final payment would have to be cash or cashiers check, not having the final weight total we did not know how much the final bill would be. Of course the load was weighed an hour after loading and the final cost was know to the company and the company knew we only had that Monday afternoon to secure funds for the total. However they chose not to cal us and let us know so we would be prepared. What the manager did do was call Tuesday( the day we left in our convoy) to leave a message on the home phone of where we just moved out of and would be disconnected at 5 p.m.. He did have our cell phone numbers but was not bothered enough call on of those numbers...knowing full well that was an empty house! It was not until Wednesday afternoon that the driver called and said he would deliver us on Friday morning! A few days early from the Monday date. He continued to harass us by phone. We both were panicking not wanting our belongings to be dumped in a ravine” then finding out the cost would be thousands of dollars more! It was hard enough with elder cats and cats that really did not want to be caged in a car and pickup truck then to be pressed to drive beyond our strength every day as well as find motels that would let our animals in for the night, and be suitable rooms for stowing them, they needed food and water, potty box; we need rest to drive again. It took 3 hours every morning and evening to load and unload then every day. The manager was completely callous to our situation. He told me the driver could drive 500 miles a day by law blah blah….but there were 2 drivers and they could do 1000 a day! The pressure mounted and the hard tone and words of the company manager were oppressive and felt like verbal water boarding. We drove under duress, panic, and fear. Our anxiety was caught by the cats, we could not sleep well and it took all our strength to drive safely. We had to beg for an extension and felt so humiliated to beg for a day before we had scheduled our unloading, We were able to drive in the driveway at 4:40 p.m. Sunday. Then the movers were not prepared for the area with flashing lights and told us we would have to use our car with flashes on behind the truck since there was a hill! They had no proper safety equipment! We were finally unladed at 9 p.m. Dark, cold, cats out in the car in 38 degree temperatures. Crushed boxes, but no real damage. The dresser mirror was not put on and they did not leave the staves to put it on. All the boxes are jumbled in huge piles like they had no sense on how to stack a box. After they left I wanted to cry. But another hours in the cold dark we unladed 22 cats who had been locked since 6 a.m. Many things added to our April Fools and that will be the next chapter.

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Move From Hell

To update you all at this time( Kitties are eating so I have time) 1. If a person is moving and leaving the house the next morning do you, as a businessman, call the home phone number of the house that is vacant, or do you call one of 2 cell phones to leave the final total and weight so the customer can prepare for the CASH ONLY payment? Excuse "it was the first number I called and it had voice mail, I could not be bothered with making a second call"! 2 why give the next load to the driver that is 15 day day drive away-that is what I was told that I would hold up another move by 15 days by asking for a Monday delivery, no how would I like that? My moving date was scheduled for 30 March 2012, the driver called me 22 March and said he was in town and he wanted to move me friday. He pressured me until I had to make it Monday 26 March. He was out of my house by 12 noon.It was not until the load was in the truck that I am informed FOR THE FIRST TIME that it would be cash only, I put my down payment on a credit card. I paid my last move(2004) on my credit card and it was international(to Canada) I would have to be on the road by Tuesday 27 march to get there by Monday. I am driving a two car convoy with 22 cats. I need to get ready and go to the bank to draw money SINCE I HAVE NO BANK UP THER YET! 3 I was assured that this would be a great move and "we can work around your schedule since business is slow and there is a lot of miles to cover for you with 22 cats" should I believe that? 4 If I call and complain about harassing phone calls from the driver why am I told that he got there sooner and I need to suck it up and drive faster? Why was I told in a harsh authoritative male voice that we have lawyers for people like you? I was told since I was rude his nice offer was not going to be made. He used such intimidating voice and words like an FBI agent getting ready to water board me only with words.... Now me: I have 12 traumatized cats and rooms that have no doors on bathrooms, or too small a bathroom to keep cats in, who have gone bezekers. The scenery is lovely. We hit cooler weather. The Sweeti is also traumatized by the calls from the van driver since Q is a very gentle soul and all his wonder collections are on that truck(close to $150K in cameras and stereo equipment and odd valuables that we boxed up.. I called and said we had no time to go to the bank on Monday and draw cash for an unknown amount, I was told by the "lovely" lady who was handling me that it could be a few hundred dollars over or under. So I sent an exhausted Q to the bank on Monday and we slept on the floor and got a late start on Tuesday and found out we can't see in the blackness of the middle of nowhere good enough to drive with 5 hours of bad sleep. I told him do not answer his cell( the driver had the contract with me and had MY number first) let him leave a message instead of being yelled at while driving. So far that is the way it has been, duress to drive longer, stressed out from the whole ordeal of feeling like our possessions are being held for ransom or else! The motels breakfasts have been the only meals we have had since Monday. Love to you all we are in Winchester Va! tonight

Sunday, March 25, 2012


A over warm humid day. The biodegradable packing peanuts are sticking to my fingers and melting in my sweat! I hate this weather and this makes it better to move! 4 cats are hiding and being wild about moving into the sunroom, they can't be out when the movers come since they could run away and that would be not very pleasant so 4 out of 22 are wild things. One has been with us for 15 years! I have just dregs to pack up and ran out of paper so clothes and linens are enlisted to help. I hate this part the most... lamps are packed and whatever is left out needs to be put in the car or tossed out, i am sweaty and want a shower, I will get that when I am done. Sometimes movers like the drawers filled sometimes not these do not like filled so I need to clean out all the drawers and pack that stuff this time. Getting the 4 cats in the other room is the hard part since they are on red alert and we need to act like we don't care. I do not want to be bitten or scratched. Cats are never all the way tame. However those that did well have been rewarded with meowiwoowie catnip and fancy wet food. The 4 that are hiding are eaters and nippers, So far this place is hard to get around with all the boxes. I hate cats and I love them too. At least all I need to do is watch.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Calm before or after the storm

I have calmed down and the date will be Tuesday for movers and Wednesday we leave for Texarkana Arkansas, as our first stop. I need to line up motels. We need to stay at nice places since we have cats. Our cats are tidier than many children but for some reason they get a bad rep. How else are people suppose to go from point A in Texas to Point B in Maine with out any car railroad trains? This country is crappy when it comes to transportation. We are expected to have personal cars, we are expected to move for the jobs, we are expected to suck it up and be molested at the airports, we are insulted by the very existence of the Bus lines that treat people like scum. We are suppose to pay gladly for our gas to further line the pockets or people already obscenely wealthy so we may travel to the stores that are not within walking distance and there are no side walks to walk on and we pat drunk drivers on the head when they kill walking people, we allow gangs to infest areas after dark and terrorize neighborhoods that once were nice places to live. However we need to drive 2500 miles on lousy roads since whatever money states and feds are spending are not for at least a good road system since they refuse to give us back the trains. At these moments I hate the auto companies who helped ease out, rips out, and destroy the fine public transport systems of the cities and country sides. It was for racist reasons in the old days now it is just for profit. Yet the side effects are isolation, it is expensive to get anywhere for the regular people. How many can visit family 1000 miles away on a regular basis? America is a big country that should have been connected by high speed rail 5 decades ago. But we fell in love with the automobile because we were told to. We valued freedom but it is a false freedom since driving is dangerous and expensive. It take time we do not have, many companies want a longer than 40 hour work week, many expect us to work on the weekends and during what vacation we may get. Many always want us working. It is the old pre-union days when miners we shot to death for striking for a 6 day work week. Shot by USA soldiers and American Policemen, the miners were immigrants so what did it matter is some wop or mick got killed? Who cared if those people got killed. They died so we could have decent jibs, salaries and working conditions. Now we are in worst shape really since no one remembers the old days and how people died for an 8 hour day and a half day on Saturday. It is only 100 years ago.

Thursday, March 22, 2012


The movers have arrived 12 days early!!! Now we are in a panic. Poor Sweeti he has never done all this before and he is dazed and his brain froze. We are not thinking of staring early but then we need to get the care taker to do all his stuff early and we could be in Maine before the 6 of April. I cut my finger...I did not feel it but noticed a large amount of blood on the the box...none got on the carpet! It is white and I hate leaving a satin in the carpet.(right pointer finger) He is off getting a new battery and doing some errands... it will be good for him to be away from the scene of hysteria. The cats saw my suitcases come in and are freaking out. I have done so much travel that they pout and pine when I was gone. Not to fear they are just going into a box! I am close to done with the packing but no reservations are made yet, and I need to clean the fridge. I have been cleaning as I empty any cupboard. We have been swarmed by bugs...I have sprayed them and now must vacuum their dead bodies. So we are freaked out and I can hardly take a breath from excitement.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


A rude awakening this morning! The alarm clock went off at 7:30am! I was in the middle of a very intense bad dream. It was a real struggle to open my eyes, it has been a real struggle to get the brain into gear all day. I did pack a box but we need to start getting to sleep early and up early since it is only 10 days until we need to leave this house! We need to pack the remaining stuff. I found crayons and I needed to color so I colored, I need to pack them. The CD player is packed, there are some CDs remaining unpacked. I need to get my dresser top packed....all my pretty bangles need to be packed away. I will miss them but I just look at them now so I hope to surprise me when I unpack in 4 weeks or less. I will not remember what is where....I have done that before thinking I will remember what is in a box with my cryptic codes! NOT! I am into the pre hysterical mode now, I spent time in denial of anything going on, then 10 days sick (5 in denial about that). Yes I want to move, yes I am looking forward to a new old house, and all the excitement of the trip with 22 cats...how bad can 6 days be? We have done it before with fewer cats. As long as the motel lets us in we are fine, I have the vacuum, and no one is a a naughty kitty they are all good cats....most are just elderly. I need to pack clothes for the trip, keep clothes to wear for the now and still pack up everything. What about cooking and eating? What about towels and bathing, what will I sleep on after the movers leave? We can't get a motel here we need to tidy this place up. So much to do and yet some can't be done until the last minutes! Help.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Dry run, on schedule.

We are placing cages in the truck and car to see how to best secure them on the trip with out killing us or the cats. I put a harness on K2(aka turbooz) he got out of it the first time and I got it on correctly the second time. He laid on the floor and sulked after walking backwards. I eventually took it off him and he came right into my lap and forgave me the great insult to his catonage. He is, after al,l a former Royal truffle pig to the Sun King. No one else volunteered to try one on. We had a helper the last major rip and this time we are just the two of us in 2 vehicles. I will not move any distance again with all the cats. Where we end up we will stay even if we need to all sleep in one room during the winter to not freeze to death. I was thinking too much again last night and it was hard to get to sleep. I was thinking I have crammed a lot of living in the past 25 years. We are in our Silver Jubilee year of marriage and I have completed two degrees( we will not count the double majors)I had a career of ten years as a professor, I bought and paid off a house then sold it, nearly died in a car accident (a person on their cell phone was not paying attention) immigrated to a new country, became a citizen of new country, lost my mother and dearest cousinsister. Half the people who were at my wedding are dead...no make that 75%...;was involved in a million dollar lawsuit( I won but it still cost me $19K). Had a breakdown and then a lot of other not very nice things happened too. I am still here getting ready to move far away from here and see what the rest of life has in store for us. First we need to get to Maine with all of us OK and fine!