a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

One of the Disappeared, today?

I am ready to cry today. Q needs to go back to Canada and has left for the 6 hour drive and the Jackboot's interrogation at the border. I am alone again. I am so not liking this arrangement at all. At least there seems to be clear weather for his drive. I can fall apart so fast and it is so hard to keep together. I hate what we have been forced to do. I get lost so easily.

I am outraged and sick at my treatment at the border yesterday. It was worse than an old war movie since it was real, and cold blooded and sanctioned by my government like they do torture to anyone who strikes their fancy. It only happened AFTER the Schutzstaffel (SS) officer saw my name on my passport. That is a good name for the Homeland Security forces on the border, they have as much power and fear producing ability.

I have a lot to keep busy but it does not stop the noise in my head. The what if fears that have haunted me since 9/11. He was stopped by police while on a field trip with a college bus full of students (all adults college students)detained in the back seat of their patrol car in front of the students for an hour, then told to get the hell out their county and escorted to the border. This was 16 miles from a major American city 7th largest. They could have taken him in and I never would have know what happened to him. He could have become one of the disappeared people, he can still be disappeared now at the border, he knows it. I know it and I am sick with fear, until he calls me. Then I know he is OK.

I rage and cry; fear and loathe all who do not know or do not care or like that this happens to people like us.

One half of my family tree was eliminated during the war,(WW2)in Europe. I know how easy it can happen to someone secular and as "American" as anyone else when the government hates a group of people....

Yes we have 2 houses, both old(112yrs) paid. Neither was an expensive house. Both needed work....this one is in the process from being a dump to livable and it is costing us more then what we have........

And I hate today. I hope it goes away soon. It should turn to pain soon and I will cry some more.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Steampunk Reinvented

I have a new old house to fix and decorate. I have been reading decorating magazines for decades and I have discovered I have sensible eclectic tastes. I saw Steampunk and like the few things I have seen very much. I love the anachronism in most of it. I have always loved the anachronistic details of the rooms in my head.

Today I scrolled through dozens of pages dedicated to steampunk and the like. It is mostly a literary genre and I am not much interested in that reading genre. I have plenty of books and DVDs that I prefer to read and watch in my free time. And the stories are not any better than the original plots from the old literature anyway so why bother me about it.
However I like much of what I see; except the dust catching, cat challenging decor bits. Cats are the agents of Chaos and any room needs to be up to their challenges.
I have also been watching my DVD set of Babylon 5 and saw clearly today that the two design aesthetics are complementary.

How does one decorate a home anyway? I can not afford a decorator or the overly expensive items that the “look” needs. I need to create my own elements from what I can do creatively and afford financially. And the big one…. what I can physically do...I am no longer the worker who can pull a 20 hour painting marathon sleep for a few hours and finish up the next day. I need to make each thing I do work the first time and not think I can do it over very soon. So a lot of thinking goes into this process. A lot of penny counting and energy banking are also needed now.

So I am a elder looking to combine several newish trends and make them my own with out looking silly or regretting the time and effort spent.

This will be my 3rd house I have decorated and most likely my last. It must first meet the needs of my elder aunt who is coming to live with me. Thankfully she has artistic tastes. I need to create a safe and age in place environment, since I plan to live here for a while or until I need to move back to Canada. Auntie needs to be in the USA and hopefully will live to 100.
So that means safety and accessibility need to be built in at the very beginning of this project.

It will not be hard since just because I have grown old I have not grown different. I am still the me created by my ideas and experiences, my tastes and desires. No worry to going for Early American colonial styles since it was not in me earlier. Let the youth rediscover that genre of decor. I saw enough in my childhood! I don’t want safe beige and white...unless the white is ivory and glows like a pearl, the gold will be metallic and I will have the copper but not in my pots and pans…..
I see only a pleasant challenge ahead. I also see the real need for a safe ladder too!

Friday, June 8, 2012

June is Busting Out

I am getting ready for a great adventure. I need to get all the stuff I can nail down nailed down the rest will just have to float for a while. I may need and I plan to stay longer than 2 weeks to get auntie Nellie, Boris the cat, and all her stuff ready to move. Fresno is out and Sacramento is in. For all its size Fresno is a waste of my time. It has become harder to travel in the states and soon will be in Canada, too. Since VIA train is now stopping service from Montreal to Halifax. Atlantic Canada is not isolated.

It is all Business-is-government plot to control the movement of the people. We are forced to own a car, and pay money to the greedy oil companies. Public transport is non existent for all intents and purposes. Sweeti can NOT get from Calais, Maine to Miramichi New Brunswick. There is no train (used to be) there is no bus service, the only way is to drive. Addicted to OIL!? I think not we have no other choice at this time who created this Cowardly New World? Big auto industry and big oil along with the military industrial complex.

We are still the cash cows and we are getting less and less, fewer and fewer services from out high taxes. We are insulted by the people in government & abused by them on a daily basis. In New Brunswick if one does not speak French there are no jobs, and one is made to feel inferior to others. Everyone wants revenge on the ancient oppressor. Only bad thing is those oppressors are dead...LONG DEAD.....

Humanity is as vile as it ever was. Petty people occupy jobs where they can insult and make other lives miserable....they do it because no one has a voice. They do because they can.
Life is fair really. The rain falls on us all. However:

PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE FAIR OR UNFAIR ON A DAILY BASIS. It is their choice and they hide behind arcane rules and their Prejudice, Bigotry, and Ethnic Hate. These petty bureaucrats & clerks are the first line against the people. they have theirs and their whole reason to be is to keep YOU and ME from getting what is promised from the Business-Is Government(BIG).

Yes June is busting out and I need to fight the system and try to rescue an old lady...... I need super powers and a load of money....money the state of New York has stolen from me btw, with their own grab for my throat..Money a nasty person who tricked me in Texas........Humans I'd rather deal with the Narn they have at least honor.