a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Lovely Day

My driveway is a rutted mass of quicksand. I need to smooth it out and will eventually, While shopping I was chatting with an old man at thee checkout line,and when I left the store I saw him sprawled on the ground, his groceries all over, his coffee cup at least upright, The wind is so strong that it caught the door of his very big trick and knocked him to the ground. I helped him up put his stuff back in the bags and put them in his truck. I put his coffee in the cup holder( the lid was tight and only shook out from the drinking hole.) I stood with him, my arm around him to keep him steady while we chatted. I wanted to see if he was OK to drive and calm him before he left. I then walked him to the drivers side and helped him in. He did not live far. I could not drive into my parking area and had to park in the back slog through the quicksand and through the house and make two trips up the back way ramp. Even the lawn is quicksandish. However the sun is out now. I plan to smooth the sand ruts as soon as I do not sink in 2 feet.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Thank-you Obamacare People

To shame and stigmatize the overweight is in the news! This is news? Not to anyone who is a fatty. We have been shamed and stigmatized and humiliated all our lives and if we started as chubby children it has colored our whole outlook on life and I , at least, have always felt like an outsider, an alien from planet fat and very unwelcome...even in my own family. My aunt Vera always called me “my fat niece”( or my fat fat niece), my uncles were no better. My own sister was as cruel as they could get. So now the government wants to institutionalize the shame and stigma so there is nowhere to go for respite except death.


We have been shamed and stigmatized since we first showed our faces and bodies in public. Being overweight is such a crime against humanity that we are shunned and humiliated in public and in media. I have been all my 60 years.

So the Obamacare people are concerned about the high cost of our health due to over weight and want to penalize us.

Have we not been penalized enough during our lifetime? Clothes are hard to find, The fit of each garment is an impossible combination of not fitting me. Chairs, seats, school desks check out aisles, side walks, streets, the seas are all too small for me
For me, my whole life was has been spent being made ashamed at what I am. And no mattered what I tried, what I lost it was never enough. And I was never successful so I was further stigmatized as a complete failure.

So the government wants to shame and stigmatize me into becoming slender. Thank-you for your concern for the money spent on my care. I am not (nor have been ) ill of any of the fat related illnesses. I have had the flu and colds, measles, chicken pox, mumps, & pneumonia. I went to the doctor for the pneumonia and was lectured for the entire time for being too fat. I had pneumonia because I was fat. Ever time I was sick I avoided doctors because the lecture have always been the same. So the medical cost for me are nil.

However my mental health is poor. I am depressed and suicidal many times and you know why? Because I dread each day I need to see people, go out in public, have to deal with others since all my life I have been and I am instantly judged as lazy, stupid, and ugly. Many people even point that out to me…. complete strangers too.

And no public money has ever been spent on me. And dear people if I ever happen to develop any of the money draining illnesses I will simple kill myself rather than have to deal with the rude cold and frankly nasty medical people I have had to endure all my life. Suicide is better than living a life always being shamed, humiliated, and stigmatized. Don’t worry I will decrease my surplus part of the population.