a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Sunday, August 27, 2017

New Age Dilemma

We are growing older. We have been refugees for 16 years. We lost our place, our sense of belonging and see in hindsight we were not wrong in our actions and plans. However we are growing older and need to decide to settle down. To move again, or age in place and settle here are our dilemma. Here is not really home but then again our home is gone so it is just a choice. We are at the age where children and grandchildren should be out comfort but we married late in life and decided not to risk children. We have seen dozens of families and what kind of children are created but families and society. So far the best (responsible, mature, dependable capable adult children) took a very ridged family life that revolved around the raising of the children to become adults. Everything else was sidelined. Out of the many so far 2 families had decent children. Everyone else have adult childish people still thinking like spoiled teenagers in their 20s, 30s 40s. The decent mature adult child seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

So we are not mourning that loss of the children will care for the parent ideal. However we need to age as well as we can and prepared for our own ending.

We live in the nutmeg carver state. I never knew or thought it would be THIS bad. We need to be close to the border since we, at least I, will end up in my new country. He is still working on his life and projects and throws out edict to me when I least expect them.

I need to deal with two dead peoples stuff that I am saddled with. Some was easy to dispose off, some not so easy since I need an expert to evaluate special collections. But as I said I live in the boonies and finding expert, honest people is not easy. We have already seen how finding even handymen to do a job, FINISH a job is damn near impossible.
The question today is do we move again? It will be a move closer to the border. There are inviolable rules that must be met for another move the first is scenic beauty, for us that is water front or water view. The second is affordable and not a dump. Both are important. We have abilities for some work but will need paid help for most of the work. However the scenic beauty is chief. We have scenic beauty now but are 3 hours from the border. Times will only get worse as they have shown in the past 16 years, so being closer to the Home side will be a benefit. We can easily flow from one side to the other until......
We are also waiting for the cats to die off. When we were younger it was easier to care for out babies and attrition has halved the number we arrived with here to the Nutmeg Carver state. All are 12+ years old taken care of and loved but it is better to just have one or 2 cats. We feed the feral cats that come. For me I would love an apartment with a view. Yards are hard to clean when the snow flies. My forever home has a small manageable yard. Here is a sloping hill. Beautiful views from every window. Two story.... not the ideal for me in old age.
I saw a downtown apartment building for sale with shops on the street level and SIX river view apartments for not a lot of money in this day and age out side of this state. But who wants to open a shop of some sort, a cafe and maybe an office or two plus have some rentals? The ad said it needed some renovations...that can mean anything in real estate lingo from oh dear no grant counter tops to OH HELL it needs all plumbing and electrical through out. It is a Flat Iron brick building that looks awesome Oh to be 40 again!
So that is my new age dilemma. I wish I new people who wanted to really do something but I do not. I do not know anyone anywhere anymore. I am a refugee who is a bit too old to take on a new project except for maybe another house closer to place I will be buried.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

We All Can Crack

I read a headline today about Sinead O'Connor and a FaceBook video she made in the pain of a mental event( my interpretation) . I looked at the comments. I take the pulse of Humanity with the comments of all the social media.
A lot of people have little to no sympathy nor compassion since she is is celebrity and is therefore wealthy beyond belief. She is also controversial so the sympathy gauge is even lower. This shows how morally bankrupt we as a species can be. There is no religion that says I got mine and the hell with you …except maybe the Trumpsters, Republicans, and assorted Ayn Randers( who also call themselves Libertarians ) that I have come across. I need to include the new age Christians too. They are the epitome of to hell with you I got mine group.
However this has little to do with those people but a lot to do with what I have seen in my great many years.
I am my brother’s ( and sister’s) keeper from a social welfare standpoint. How many cliches can I conjure on this topic? There but for the grace of god go I? Comes to mind. Many times a day while reading the horror show of this world online I think that.
I currently live in a country that could not care less about the welfare of its residents if it tried. All the movers and shakers of this once great nations give zero fucks about anyone except themselves. A few like the president would throw their own offering under the bus to save their skin as demonstrated just recently. These people set the tempo of life here, and the sheeple follow in turn with a hard heart and I got mine to hell with you attitude all along down the line.
To get pleasure from another’s suffering gives many great pleasure . Ms O’Conner’ pain is nothing new. It is new blood for the vampires. I have seen this for a long time.

I grew up in a big city. I knew, as a family friend, my godfather, my father’s oldest and closest friend, a man who was the most famous in the city. Everyone with-in 100+ miles knew of him, listened to him or watched his TV show……for decades. Yet he was isolated in his fame as I am certain Ms O’Connor is now. Yes he drank, had many marriages and escapades that decorated the news papers and airwaves, that entertained those who never met him but certainly were in awe of him. Yes he shoved people away from him except my father and mother …and me since I had become an adult under his eyes. He was best man at my parents wedding 66 years ago. He brought my mother and me home from the hospital when I was born since Dad was at sea and near Okinawa. Home then was a hotel room, I slept in a drawer for a few months until Dad arrived home and then some time longer since rentals were hard to come by even then post war. So I knew this man from before birth.
Lots of interesting stuff can go here but will not. Let me just say say I was the last person my uncle talked to on the phone before he died. Whether he killed himself or not is still speculation. But accidental is I think the term used. We talked for about an hour. He wanted to talk to Dad but dad was out at the time and since we had interesting conversations in the past we chatted. He asked how my poetry was coming along -he liked what I wrote- what was going on in my life. Telling me someday the right man will discover me as a jewel and hold me tight.

He was alone and knew he had pushed several people away, and many more people drifted away because he could no longer supply them with his celebrity fallout. His aura of fame and andaz ( personal style) was sought after by those who feed off others. Fame/celebrity whores are all over, those sycophants who push the booze, the drugs, who go along and encourage the hair brain ideas the the famous conjure up in the rarefied air of manic fame. I know how it works. I saw it from the outside; moreover I saw it from the inside and knew the dangers, I saw the deceit, the lies, the harm others would do to the gentle souls, those delicate personalities who seem larger than life but are as fragile as an egg shell.

After a few years their shells are crazed all over and it takes nearly nothing for their shells to crack. Sinead O’Connor is one of those souls who felt so intensely and now her shell is crazed and cracking. And those who hate the celebrities they worship are the first ones in line to beat on the shell harder to crack it open with glee….shameful glee….that shows their bankrupt personalities.
Our world is bankrupt and many more people live in the poverty of the soul with out feelings, compassion or the least care for another living creature. It looks like the leaders of our earth are this way and many of us peasants like to emulate them….It is hard to swim against the tide of what little humanity is therewith out drowning. I could follow the tide of what is going on….but no….my soul is still intact….and yes there needs to be more help from the governments for health ( mental and physical ) for we the people. We the people no longer have the wealth and never really did to stop our lives and take time to heal. We are all not the same, many of us are not that strong and our shells are crazed ready to crack…..

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Needed ...A Change is Society

I am inspired by an article I read on the internet about opioid addicted babies being treated with music therapy .....
What the hell have we devolved to?
In my youth unwed mothers were shamed and sent to a home and forced to give their babies away. The fathers were ignored and the onus of the birth and life of that baby fell on a poor young girl or young woman. Many times her family disowned her and she was as abandoned as her baby.
We, as a society, fixed that. We did not want shame on these women since birth control was non-existent, in many cases abortion was illegal and expensive when the back ally abortionist was found. The woman could end up dead as well as the baby. We as a society changed that. We took the cruel stigma away...on a whole a good thing.
It is still a tenuous right and many states have gone backward and are embracing their fear and loathing of women.
We were asked to no longer judge these unfortunate women. Also a good thing.

However today we are so far away from personal responsibility, personal shame in our stupid actions that no one is learning from the mistakes of others. We are told not to judge. Well I say phooey and it is about time to judge, time to revive personal responsibility, time to demand accountability of all of us.
If Drugs are the problem in a person's life then let us revive the term junkie. Since every one I know who "has a problem with drugs" is really a junkie, let us call them that. Drugs were cheap when I was young. They are not cheap now ...so these junkies really need to steal or whatever to get the money to get their high. We accept that So and So has a problem....excuse me we are the ones with the problem we are the ones who get burgled, see our relatives in squalor strung out and sick. We bring them in to clean up only to have our car stolen, the kids piggy bank broken into, and all the jewelry taken to pawn for another joyride of good times. ENOUGH.
If a woman who wants to be a junkie, that first time taking the drug of choice is what? A CHOICE! So be it but, no woman need get pregnant & bring a addicted baby into the world to be taken poorly care of by her, family or the state.
That addicted baby will have problems all its life. I had a cousin with fetal alcohol syndrome since his mother could not lay off the booze to ensure that child had at least an even chance. She never raised him after he was born either. But that is another chapter.

As a society we need to legalize & regulate recreational drugs. Illegal drugs are a multi-Billion dollar industry here in the US, has caused horrific crimes in dozens of supplying countries. Once the huge profits are removed then we can settle in to seeking the answers to why are these people wanting to get loaded all the time. As for the women they have a special burden of reproduction. All women who are doing drugs, who are junkies need to be either sterilized or implanted with Pregnancy control. Do not call it birth control call it Pregnancy control. No woman who is not ready and wanting to give up her life for her child should be having babies. If they have babies because of welfare that is another reason for better education and vocational training and a Universal Basic Income. No child should be a persons meal ticket. Foster care is also a big business riddled with abuse. No child should be poorly cared for in this world or this nation.

We changed how society responds before; now it the real test to change for the good of all so I do not need to read about addicted newborn babies who did not ask for life, BUT society forced it to have life. Then what? Abandons it to the wolves to live in poverty, want, hunger, and fear...some compassion that it and I say PHOOEY on that fake right to life people when that is just torture for their life. We need to change and we need to do it now.