I was listening to old favorite music on Youtube and began to think and reflect on how much I loved it way back when I was imprisoned by cruel circumstances during my 20s and 30s. The emotional pain I had from the isolation is almost hard to remember now. I can listen to the music with out that pit of despair sending chills into my soul. I have only one person to thank for my life now. He loved me, accepted me, and removed me from my wretchedness. Everything has not been perfect. Not by a long shot. However I have had normal bouts of sad and anguish. Nothing like the suicidal despair I lived through for many years. Life is better.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
It has been awhile since I last posted anything. Life has been in a turmoil reminiscent of a Kafka story. I always seem to get hit out of left field. I wonder am I not paying attention or are these occurrences from others reaching a point of explosion that I do not see? The political landscape is scary and I just want my personal life calm yet it is that life that blows up the most. I am a live and let live kind of person who is patient and easy going in the face of things I have no control over. Yes I hate my kitchen to the point of madness, I love to cook and serve and do the domestic thing yet the kitchen is evil, hard to work in and cramped with stuff I hate. I have several things that that grate on me daily. But I try to not show it to others. Yet I manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I blow someone up. Was it really what I said or was it just their moment of ignition and I supplied the match? Who knows. I am living in a fixer upper with and old, old person who apologizes every morning to me for getting another day older. I am in a transition from one way of life to another or am I? Such a dilemma. Babar is ill an old and dying too. Poor thing, he still enjoys cat stuff like the old,old one enjoys what she does.It is nature that is cruel and fickle. So I wait for the old ones to pass on. And I never know when what I say will set people off.....Woden knows I never have the intention of saying anything to insult anyone. I am sorry for everything I say. Then intent is never meant to hurt. Peace.