a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Saturday, December 22, 2018

A New Book to include in the Bible

I read The Red Tent  by Anita Diamant and I recommend it for women to read and for men who know themselves ....I think it should be included in the Bible as the Book Of Dinah. It reads well, meaning it feels as authentic as anything else in the Bible and has a powerful message that the Abrahamic religions are 100% against women; were not created for women at all; and the lot of women's lives have been ruined because of these religions. Of course anyone who disagrees with me will be shown the door unless they can show why I am wrong.
I started out as one who enjoyed the whole church going thing, sunday school, the whole nine yards until my questions were dismissed by the teachers and my desire to be a minister was laughed at as impossible....note this was decades before the first women were let into this profession.
 I changed religions  search for something that did not make me feel bad for just being female...some sorta luck not even that was not enough since none that I found, looked at, dabbled in were the least bit spiritually satisfying to my needs and I had needs...all went unmet and I circled around the bad bits and one day after years of thought, prayer, meditation, writing, I came to the conclusion that my prayers were not answered  because not that god was mean, not because god didn't care, not because god was too busy but because there was simply nothing there listening to me except the neurons in my head when I think. So the idea of a nasty bitter weight of the mean god was lifted off my chest and I was able to walk out of the religion prison since I had the key.  It was liberating to say the least. I then began to resent all the time I spent in the rituals which I sincerely followed. I had to fill in the times I set aside for prayer with something productive. I wrote in my journal, read books, played with the cats, pulled weeds in the garden or watched TV...all time well spent. It did take some time to get over the  resentment of taking my time and making me feel bad because I was born female. So much wasted time for nothing. I am not even agnostic at this point ...if there is something, not not even if. There is nothing of any religion that says welcome to me.....so I created from all the reading and the common sense and yes there are passages in every "holy" book that are useful in life to help a person see right from wrong....Love is the answer to everything. All I see is the hate of each religion what they do not do when they should and what they do do when it is expressly forbidden in their own holy books. So religions are a made up thing in favor of men and to keep women in physical and psychological bondage. All the Abrahamic religions are thousand even the newer cults are thus also. So read this novel, it needs to be in the bible to give women a voice. since not everyone can handle their lives with out their religion and god...this freedom is not easy at first and if you are weak you need the support of your religion. I gained strength when I left it behind no everyone can survive the truth. Peace and love one another. Wish what you want for yourself for others. And love .

Friday, November 16, 2018

analyze the mood

Been analyzing my current depression...even after waffles....the underlying truth of G+ going down the tubes is the base....then the realization that Rosy may not live that long...the tiniest of the feral litter, the first of the potatoes who came to me, has been ill twice with feral diseases and treated but her little immune system is not in good condition. She is currently with her brother Jerry who gave her a good washing and is now cuddling his baby sister. QB( Jerry's sister) and Lil'Smokey all love her and are the most loving to each other set of siblings one litter apart I have ever seen. We have have had several sets of siblings and these 4 out do all the others for camaraderie and affection . We have the mother of both sets and the father of the last litter. Breaks my heart. Doctors can not cure everything. So I take care of her..she still eats and plays but is not thriving like her litter sister. So that is a depression. The current political situation is traumatizing, the fires in California, the callousness of those elected officials to life ( everyone's life human and non human) has appalled me into depression. I can no more believe in any god thing to try to fool myself into something out there that cares when there is no evidence. I let others keep their  delusion, like children and Santa why spoil it for them?
I like my new house and the area is so friendly this move was a good one. This early snow has surprised all of us and even though it is pretty it means winter will be longer by 2 months...last winter was not through until last of April so by next April? So 6 moth of winter, a few months of not winter and then maybe some warm weather and Fall will begin...
There is not one government out there in the whole earth that is doing its best for everyone in their country or the world. It looks like we as a species can only get so far then the braincells die in a vast number of humans and people revert to barbarians and become savages again. We have plenty of everything for everyone in the over populated world however many are so greedy that they hog so much that others die for lack of the basic necessities right in the cities they reign in. There are not enough words to describe how appalled I am at the lack of compassion  and love in the humans that rule the earth when I see more love and compassion in cats. I see crows and sea gulls share a nice bag of garbage...I watch municipalities poison food that others wanted to share with the poor, I see women with $10,000 handbags knowing $10K can keep a family alive for a year...What is most shocking is that no one cares except those with no power. It is all about power and greed. A sad fretful day...The snow is pretty here and I am dying.  I feel so grief stricken to know my species has devolved back into savages and barbarians. Although their females do carry  $10,000 handbags and their males wear $94,000 watches. The pod people have won.

Friday, May 25, 2018

End Time

The very hardest thing to come to terms with is when the love of your life has reached a time in his life where your love becomes a burden…not that they cease to love you but when that loves adds to their burden of life when they are developing health issues and end of life issues. Needing to tend to another’s needs for the closeness, the companionship takes energy away from their ability to tend to their needs. 
When I realized that I am now, my love is now, a burden, of course I felt rejected, hurt, and crushed to my very marrow. I cried and still tear up with undefinable grief at the thought with me so old so close to my own demise, all alone. I always wanted to be loved, to belong somewhere, to some one. I know I belong to me, however to quote a character from my favorite modern novel the silent reason Hild chose to buy the slave, the body woman was because “she can not leave me” since all her family, friends have had to leave her. No one thought about the emotional pain Hild was going through. I am like that only not the Light of anyone.  I am just an ordinary person living in interesting times.
I am not in a place that I can call home except my things are here with me and a few cats. The cats are also a burden to me since leaving here means I need to take them….but leave I must. I have a place will take a few days with a helper to move all the items of  my life from one full packed room into the empty house, now finished and now ready to be lived in, by me, and it looks like alone with a few cats. This also causes me untold grief at this time in my life.  Finding a helper in a strange land is no easy task, either. To enter older age alone is not how I envisioned me. I tried so hard to develop some sort of social safety network with those people I loved once,  to share a home together…but each of those people I approached to this subject refused and seemed insulted. I lated found out that the “love” the “friendship” professed was not real just the result that I had more money to spend on them. That caused me new heartache. It has been years to get through that pain….now I have new pain, more profound pain since my life partner is also needing to pull away for his needs that I can not be of help. 

For 16 years I have been a refugee. The only things of comfort were the things I could surround me in the temporary places I lived, the cats that came with me, the person who loved me. I could deal with the hardships when my little circle was complete. Now the circle is broken and I need to walk away….alone…forever….at least my forever is not that many years now.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

The Real Problem

It is not guns, it is not drugs, it is not any of the symptoms of a decayed country that is the cause of the violence in the US and apparently around the world. It is Society,  people, average citizens. It is apathy and selfishness so extreme that it looks like save yourself while stomping over others also running.  From whom are we running ? The shooters? The drug dealers ( and please include the doctors in this category) who is at fault for this failing country( I will stay with the USA since the models fits every where else).
As a species we really are pathetic now a days. We are so xenophobic that the slightest divination for an artificial norm and people freak out and go nuts.
Then there are the ultra rich who are not the least bit enlightened nor educated nor fully human with the traits that define humanity. These people have become so rich ( FEW on their own merit and work) that their most deviant, depraved, and immoral thoughts and desires can and do turn in to actions of monumental proportions afflicting the poor people around them and where ever they can cause havoc in the lives of others who have no recourse nor protection  .... much like the stories of the ancient barons, counts, and other aristocracy who wrought havoc in the countryside. Now the ultra rich who seem to be above any law civil or moral have been working towards their perverse desires. It has been going on for a few decades now....these perverted people who are now old, have moved into the political circles and bought as many of the politicians as they can. It will be easier to count those not bought than those owned outright and are in thrall to their masters.
As for guns, yes they are weapons.....however it is not the weapon that kills it is the Society that allows violence to become normal, acceptable and excusable. Those who can change this all are also in thrall to their leaders no reasonable republican nor democrat wants children murdered in school. However we have no more reason no more sense  in either party. Both have sold out and Society....the voters are OK with this or why would deplorable people continue to be elected? It is the greedy and selfish voter who covets their money so much  that even they very hint of paying taxes makes their head cloud up and and and all compassion and sense is erased. Of course until they are affected it becomes another story they become angry that THEY are now victimized by their own desires for others to suffer.
 Corporations are the greediest of all, no matter the human cost they crave profits above all else.  They buy companies not for the product they create but for the profit they create or the way to transfer debt then that new company can die ex. Toys R Us and a hundred other companies, that have shuttered their doors not from lack of customers but from corporate maneuvers to transfer debt and make money. Move jobs over seas...not to help a struggling country gain employment but to penalize American workers who want a living wage and to exploit the need for work in the another country that will work for less because their standard of living is 70 years behind the USA's standard of living.
All this has contributed to the stress and anger of regular people. Many people have always been living on the mental edge of breakdown. Some turn to drugs to ease the pain; some have pain from the work they had to do to keep a roof over their head, some served this country in the corporate wars and were discarded once they can no longer serve mammon. Drugs are a way to escape the mental and physical pain.
Some lash out at the boot of injustice crushing their neck we call them terrorists.  Some lash out to society to hurt those who have caused them their pain. Many innocents die. Then many more creators of violence are born the moment they see no justice exists in this world. We are told to pray to god and told a better world awaits us after death. AND THAT IS THE CRUX of the international problem of violence .....we need to die to have a better life. If that does not cause us pause, it that does not give us a what the crap are you talking about moment then you are the problem. We only have this one life,( even if there is reincarnation we still have only one life at a time.....)
So those who tell us to pray and believe have fostered this violence with their sanguine apathy of better things to come. While of course they live a fat bountiful full life of good times, good food,  regal shelter, and enough clothes to not be in rags....
The rich who prey on the poor and suck their life's blood and then those poor deluded ones who think this life in unimportant and something better will await..... They work hand in hand to make the vast majority of other lives suffer.  The rich love the perverse sadistic suffering and they have convinced  the like minded, though too poor, to indulge in their sadistic ways. While the religious are working with an incomplete set of cards trying to play the game where there are no winners only losers. This is a wonderful world humans have created.....and some of us humans see this and despair and those of us who see this transcend despair and try hard to opt out......
Society at large is the problem ...full of their greed, lust, perversity and all the horrors the humans mind can create and think to inflict on those with no recourse no protector.....until one day the people become the mob like in the France or Russia and revolt .........but that will not happen......too many people are OK with they status quo. Sad ......

Monday, January 1, 2018

Happy New Year reflections past and future

I have been thinking along these lines from many years. I have been able to coalesce my thoughts into words.....We are constantly assaulted by "religious" people about how we(not them) should be living. However if we look at their lives we see something remarkable and it is not hypocrisy. The religious who yell the loudest, who act out the most cruel and violent that looks like to be against the teachings of their various religions have a deep secret...they know there is no god or punishment awaiting them when they die.
Unlike a real atheist who understands this concept of this time is the only time we have and doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do;  those who keep this secret use it to do evil deeds....the only thing that kept many people from doing wrong actions was the fear of punishment. Since there is no punishment these sociopaths act to their most base and vile desires. We see it every day now that trump has shown his hand and his stable of like minded people put into places best suited to destroy programs and benefits to the vast majority of this country and the world. --At this point of writing I have not read the news so I do not know if the republicans are starting another war profiteer event.-- A person need only read the boiled down version of any religion to see the similarities of doctrine and the opposite of the behavior of those who profess the loudest their "faith". Those who do not live their lives according to their religion simple do not believe in the the fundamentals that is the foundation of their religion -reward( Heaven) and punishment (Hell) for their behavior against the teachings of their religions. They know there will be no punishment and don't care about reward since there is none.  They can wallow in money and luxury and watch with out feelings the millions who suffer from their actions.  What reason for remorse? Why feel shame or compassion since I can do anything without punishment in the hereafter. Since many people have a firm ( or firm-ish) of faith in the reward and punishment part of religion, this is enough to keep many in line. Those who harbor this secret of the great nothing afterwards flock to the "god wants you rich" evangelicals or "lets kill people" factions of the various religions.
Many with this secret bury it very deeply and look pious on the outside but actions.... Actions tell louder than words. How many times have you heard do as I say not as I do from parents of others when as a child we are to be trained to be a decent human being? We hear the Ends Justify the Means. The list of contrary advice is legendary.
Many of us thinking people, compassionate people,  are horrified at the turn of events with trump, and really it began in earnest with Reagan and the neo-republicans this not caring about others to the point  of making people suffer as a matter of policy. Those who are of the same sociopathic bent flock to this. Support this. Encourage it.
So this is my great revelation. These mean people ( and please look up the word for all its glory) like the Koch brothers, Trump, Pence and every one of the republican elected people and their electorate have this same deep seated secret. They do to others what they want to do because they want to be cruel nothing more They get pleasure from their cruelty; of course this in nothing new in the history of humans. What is sad is too many people are afraid to rise up for the common good and toss these sociopaths on the gallows/ bonfires,  because they think they will be "punished by god and denied heaven" Sorry folks but we are to make Heaven on earth NOW.
Happy New Year