a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I feel fey.

I am fey today. So many things to dream about. So many things to plan. I have been here 6 months and the dumpster is getting organized and livable. An idea has come into my head and I am ready to plan all the amazing things that I can do. I need to look for my paper and ruler so I can plan and design. So many things and I can create a lot with a small budget...I think I can at least. Auntie says those who die young are lucky...this is from a 95 year old so the sentiment is sincere. We have a cloudy day today. A bit cool but fine weather. If there were not a Shirley Temple movie on I would be upstairs doing my first project today. While watching old movies I am getting a lot of ideas for decorating this house. I like what I see from the 1930s. I have always liked the 1930s and these old movies are like living vicariously in the past, my own time machine. Since today is not so nice, I can revel in the bits and pieces of the past. Chose what works, leave behind what does not. I live in my own time machine.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Ramblings for a foggy morning with rain.

A lovely day today and nothing in particular is going on. I have the electrical work done for now. I can plug stuff in, in all the second floor rooms! The stair elevator is in and working. The front door is fixed..take that stupid locksmith!....New doors to replace the drafty old doors are on order. When it gets cold in Maine the draft is not so good! Put up some pictures on my G+, read some articles online and have a few comments about how women want to be sexy and such with our pictures we put up for our ids. Well DUH! All we are are sex objects to most men so why not look as pretty as possible? And Men have some very interesting photos too, trying to look all studly and such! All we have are pictures and what we write. I look like my photo most of the time. Some are too afraid to even put their real name up let alone their real face, so I do not see the point of saying that women do it to tease men. Men started all this business about keep us in our place so they need to get over it and let us be fully human too. COS(change of subject) I do not like either person running for president, I do not like either party, I still do not like FOX anything although I listen when it is on...I cringe a lot since I am not as stupid or as gullible as the average FOX viewer. Please, does anyone really think that O'Reilly does not spin his information? It does make me afraid for my personal safety since people believe their dribble and hate talk. Some of those women talking heads are very prejudice; their words and tone are so full of hate and real ignorance of history (recent) and how big this world is. COS. I am finally getting a handle on this house. What I clean is staying a bit cleaner and once unpacked the boxes are tossed. Makes for more walking space. I am thinking of colors for the walls, stencils for decoration, and using the outside electrical conduits on the walls as part of the look. Believe me banging out the 112 year old plaster to rewire and then drywall at about $25K for the plugs was not an option! So the conduits are going to become part of the design.......Well that is a wrap for now..... I will fill you in later when i can find the lamps to plug in! Who does not label a box! 17 say kitchen glass, not one says Lamp. :-)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Decorator's Blues

I am waiting for people to come and do work. Roof. Install the stair lift. Put more than 3 outlets up stairs. Create a safe walkway in front, and a driveway....So many mechanical things that need to be done before the fun of a house to decorate is to be done. And so goes the decorating money.....I did the house in Miramichi on a real shoe string budget. If memory serves me correctly I spent less than $500 on the whole house including the sofa, love seat, and chair I got used-ish. They are perfect for the slipcovers I can get here but I am not there.

This house needs major work. The former owner was a jerk, idiot, tasteless bumpkin, low class white trash- and many other epithets I can find. Suffice it to say this house needs major decoration and repairs to become nice. Anything he did, he did wrong. The new-ish kitchen cabinets are installed so there is a tilt forward so everything tips over or rolls off. The position of the smaller set of cabinets does not allow for enough room to get anything larger than a person through. There is, however plenty of space so it could have been installed for ease of movement of things like washers, dryers, fridges...... but no, something was amiss in his logic part of his brain. I have heard stories but so far I see no evidence to corroborate these rumors. I will stay with my own list of epithets. His mother raise an idiot.

This could become a lovely home. It has a nice view. It is spacious. The rooms are generous. I just need to remove the tacky, jerryrigged crap and that takes time and money that could be spent in paint, door knobs, flooring......

I need a ladder. And I need to feel better. I spent the last six months packing and stressing about all sorts of major unexpected bombs that fell on our life. All cost money that we did not have to spare.

However, I am trying to find the right red for the sun room. The red I love is on a game I play on FB. I have curtains that will be fantastic with this odd reddish orangeish color in my head. It is a soft color. I would like a velvet finish. It is warm. The room is sunny and I need a color that will envelop during snowy days and complement the green and trees outside.

As for the kitchen, What can I do with 6 doors? I could start from scratch. I would like to. But the budget will not allow for such extravagance, since the downstairs bathrooms need major work. Whoever invented particle board bathroom cabinets should be drawn and quartered.

So I wait for the men to get time for me so I can do what I can do.

At least the closet will be nice when it gets done. But what to do with my wonderful clothes hangers?

Friday, September 7, 2012

FOX from New TV viewer's view

I have been watching TV with my Auntie for a week now here at home and for 3 weeks in California. She likes FOX. I gave it a try. As an open minded person I wanted to see what all the fuss was about since I have not watched broadcast TV since it went digital in 2009. I see all the techniques they use to inflame and misdirect viewers. They really are TV side bombers. They do a lot of damage to the collective thinking of viewers. They remind me of the flim flam people who do that pea under the shell game. Of course what is truth? They have their agenda and the No Spin Zone definitely has spin. What O'Reilly says may be true but it is out of proportion to the subject matter used to inflame and misdirect the attention of the viewer. It is obvious they do not like anything but oil from the Middle East and Muslim countries, it is also painfully obvious they believ it is the right of the USA to have it cheaply. They are very strong in the anti Muslim bias no matter what they say their essays. Their delivery says this to one who knows the tricks of inflection and innuendo. They are reactionary and not true conservative, and they interchange liberal with socialist, communist and independent thinking. They are so in love with Israel that all others involved in that part of the world become subhumans in their attitudes. It may be some form the collective guilt from the USA refusing to let Jews in this country when Jews were allowed to leave Germany before they were interned and murdered. Or it may be the desire to enable the second coming of Jesus. I do see they are irrational when it comes to people with out faith or belief. Makes them livid and they fall all over themselves to scream and rant( albeit in a modulated voice-at least some) They all love to shout and talk over anyone who has a differing opinion. It really becomes a free for all. I get agitated while watching because they leave out so much information that is vital to being an informed person. I do see that those who like it already are biased against Muslims, anything from the non-Christian perspective, and believe they are not poor but not yet rich. Many cling to the dream of wealth like a rosary, or their cross.

Here is one fact about drilling or oil sands/shale here in the USA...it will not bring down OUR price of gas unless the resulting oil is not allowed to be sold on the open market. Take that to the no Spin Zone.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Cost V. Benefits

As Everyone knows I have taken in my auntie to live with me. I bought this house last year before I even knew she would live with me. I love my aunt and want what is best for her.... and for me, too. I am 60 and I need to think about me too.

If all the improvements that need to be made to this house for her comfort and mobility are made that is a large out lay of money. She wants a bathtub like she had in California and to tell you the truth I hated that tub, it is cramped and killed my knee every time I got in or out. The idea of getting that here is not in my plans. However they seem to be hers. She is 95. I do not want to dishonor her in anyway, however I need to think about me and my old age too. I have no one to look after me she has me.

While at the doctor's appointment last week I saw an ad for an assisted living place. I have looked into it today, and with the money that needs to be spent on fixing this place up with things that I would not need, she could supplement her income and live in one of the apartments there.

I have no healthcare in the USA but have it in Canada. I did not plan to spend my life in Maine but use this house for shopping and as a second home to visit and maybe sell down the line once it is fixed up. I'd rather live with my husband there then here. here is nice but Canada is my home now.

I can stay here of course. I can go to see her once a week. I can do a lot of things. But what is best for her now as well as me? I have no idea at this point in time.
I offered my home freely and do not regret getting her out of that ugly situation she was in thanks to several relatives that forget she did not die when Joyce died. I still do not regret having her here. But what is best for her if she lives 5 more years and gets to be 100? If the shots in her eye stop working and if she declines further what then? What little savings she has would be spent in fixing this place and there would be nothing left for then. I need to think about this and will not make any decisions. But I need to think about her money well spent on her.