a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Cost V. Benefits

As Everyone knows I have taken in my auntie to live with me. I bought this house last year before I even knew she would live with me. I love my aunt and want what is best for her.... and for me, too. I am 60 and I need to think about me too.

If all the improvements that need to be made to this house for her comfort and mobility are made that is a large out lay of money. She wants a bathtub like she had in California and to tell you the truth I hated that tub, it is cramped and killed my knee every time I got in or out. The idea of getting that here is not in my plans. However they seem to be hers. She is 95. I do not want to dishonor her in anyway, however I need to think about me and my old age too. I have no one to look after me she has me.

While at the doctor's appointment last week I saw an ad for an assisted living place. I have looked into it today, and with the money that needs to be spent on fixing this place up with things that I would not need, she could supplement her income and live in one of the apartments there.

I have no healthcare in the USA but have it in Canada. I did not plan to spend my life in Maine but use this house for shopping and as a second home to visit and maybe sell down the line once it is fixed up. I'd rather live with my husband there then here. here is nice but Canada is my home now.

I can stay here of course. I can go to see her once a week. I can do a lot of things. But what is best for her now as well as me? I have no idea at this point in time.
I offered my home freely and do not regret getting her out of that ugly situation she was in thanks to several relatives that forget she did not die when Joyce died. I still do not regret having her here. But what is best for her if she lives 5 more years and gets to be 100? If the shots in her eye stop working and if she declines further what then? What little savings she has would be spent in fixing this place and there would be nothing left for then. I need to think about this and will not make any decisions. But I need to think about her money well spent on her.


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  2. I can relate your situation. I recently placed a walk-in tub in my room-mates bedroom. Everyone expected me to replace my tub and shower, but I just wasn't willing to alter my bathroom to that extent. His family said the's help but, none of them did or as I now know will. I know it took from his personal space but if I didn't put it there then I would harbor much resentment and would need to place him elsewhere.
    You have to accept your limitations(pot calling kettle). You are not alone.
    I'm at the other end of the keyboard,if you want to talk.

    1. someone read me! Thank-you. I did get a stair lift installed and the upstairs bathroom will have some modifications that I like and will help her. But the ultimate is for me to like it too. Since I may live longer! It is a good thing to remember that we do it for love but also we need to be loved back too and live in a "normal" way not handicapped.