a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Move From Hell

To update you all at this time( Kitties are eating so I have time) 1. If a person is moving and leaving the house the next morning do you, as a businessman, call the home phone number of the house that is vacant, or do you call one of 2 cell phones to leave the final total and weight so the customer can prepare for the CASH ONLY payment? Excuse "it was the first number I called and it had voice mail, I could not be bothered with making a second call"! 2 why give the next load to the driver that is 15 day day drive away-that is what I was told that I would hold up another move by 15 days by asking for a Monday delivery, no how would I like that? My moving date was scheduled for 30 March 2012, the driver called me 22 March and said he was in town and he wanted to move me friday. He pressured me until I had to make it Monday 26 March. He was out of my house by 12 noon.It was not until the load was in the truck that I am informed FOR THE FIRST TIME that it would be cash only, I put my down payment on a credit card. I paid my last move(2004) on my credit card and it was international(to Canada) I would have to be on the road by Tuesday 27 march to get there by Monday. I am driving a two car convoy with 22 cats. I need to get ready and go to the bank to draw money SINCE I HAVE NO BANK UP THER YET! 3 I was assured that this would be a great move and "we can work around your schedule since business is slow and there is a lot of miles to cover for you with 22 cats" should I believe that? 4 If I call and complain about harassing phone calls from the driver why am I told that he got there sooner and I need to suck it up and drive faster? Why was I told in a harsh authoritative male voice that we have lawyers for people like you? I was told since I was rude his nice offer was not going to be made. He used such intimidating voice and words like an FBI agent getting ready to water board me only with words.... Now me: I have 12 traumatized cats and rooms that have no doors on bathrooms, or too small a bathroom to keep cats in, who have gone bezekers. The scenery is lovely. We hit cooler weather. The Sweeti is also traumatized by the calls from the van driver since Q is a very gentle soul and all his wonder collections are on that truck(close to $150K in cameras and stereo equipment and odd valuables that we boxed up.. I called and said we had no time to go to the bank on Monday and draw cash for an unknown amount, I was told by the "lovely" lady who was handling me that it could be a few hundred dollars over or under. So I sent an exhausted Q to the bank on Monday and we slept on the floor and got a late start on Tuesday and found out we can't see in the blackness of the middle of nowhere good enough to drive with 5 hours of bad sleep. I told him do not answer his cell( the driver had the contract with me and had MY number first) let him leave a message instead of being yelled at while driving. So far that is the way it has been, duress to drive longer, stressed out from the whole ordeal of feeling like our possessions are being held for ransom or else! The motels breakfasts have been the only meals we have had since Monday. Love to you all we are in Winchester Va! tonight

Sunday, March 25, 2012


A over warm humid day. The biodegradable packing peanuts are sticking to my fingers and melting in my sweat! I hate this weather and this makes it better to move! 4 cats are hiding and being wild about moving into the sunroom, they can't be out when the movers come since they could run away and that would be not very pleasant so 4 out of 22 are wild things. One has been with us for 15 years! I have just dregs to pack up and ran out of paper so clothes and linens are enlisted to help. I hate this part the most... lamps are packed and whatever is left out needs to be put in the car or tossed out, i am sweaty and want a shower, I will get that when I am done. Sometimes movers like the drawers filled sometimes not these do not like filled so I need to clean out all the drawers and pack that stuff this time. Getting the 4 cats in the other room is the hard part since they are on red alert and we need to act like we don't care. I do not want to be bitten or scratched. Cats are never all the way tame. However those that did well have been rewarded with meowiwoowie catnip and fancy wet food. The 4 that are hiding are eaters and nippers, So far this place is hard to get around with all the boxes. I hate cats and I love them too. At least all I need to do is watch.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Calm before or after the storm

I have calmed down and the date will be Tuesday for movers and Wednesday we leave for Texarkana Arkansas, as our first stop. I need to line up motels. We need to stay at nice places since we have cats. Our cats are tidier than many children but for some reason they get a bad rep. How else are people suppose to go from point A in Texas to Point B in Maine with out any car railroad trains? This country is crappy when it comes to transportation. We are expected to have personal cars, we are expected to move for the jobs, we are expected to suck it up and be molested at the airports, we are insulted by the very existence of the Bus lines that treat people like scum. We are suppose to pay gladly for our gas to further line the pockets or people already obscenely wealthy so we may travel to the stores that are not within walking distance and there are no side walks to walk on and we pat drunk drivers on the head when they kill walking people, we allow gangs to infest areas after dark and terrorize neighborhoods that once were nice places to live. However we need to drive 2500 miles on lousy roads since whatever money states and feds are spending are not for at least a good road system since they refuse to give us back the trains. At these moments I hate the auto companies who helped ease out, rips out, and destroy the fine public transport systems of the cities and country sides. It was for racist reasons in the old days now it is just for profit. Yet the side effects are isolation, it is expensive to get anywhere for the regular people. How many can visit family 1000 miles away on a regular basis? America is a big country that should have been connected by high speed rail 5 decades ago. But we fell in love with the automobile because we were told to. We valued freedom but it is a false freedom since driving is dangerous and expensive. It take time we do not have, many companies want a longer than 40 hour work week, many expect us to work on the weekends and during what vacation we may get. Many always want us working. It is the old pre-union days when miners we shot to death for striking for a 6 day work week. Shot by USA soldiers and American Policemen, the miners were immigrants so what did it matter is some wop or mick got killed? Who cared if those people got killed. They died so we could have decent jibs, salaries and working conditions. Now we are in worst shape really since no one remembers the old days and how people died for an 8 hour day and a half day on Saturday. It is only 100 years ago.

Thursday, March 22, 2012


The movers have arrived 12 days early!!! Now we are in a panic. Poor Sweeti he has never done all this before and he is dazed and his brain froze. We are not thinking of staring early but then we need to get the care taker to do all his stuff early and we could be in Maine before the 6 of April. I cut my finger...I did not feel it but noticed a large amount of blood on the the box...none got on the carpet! It is white and I hate leaving a satin in the carpet.(right pointer finger) He is off getting a new battery and doing some errands... it will be good for him to be away from the scene of hysteria. The cats saw my suitcases come in and are freaking out. I have done so much travel that they pout and pine when I was gone. Not to fear they are just going into a box! I am close to done with the packing but no reservations are made yet, and I need to clean the fridge. I have been cleaning as I empty any cupboard. We have been swarmed by bugs...I have sprayed them and now must vacuum their dead bodies. So we are freaked out and I can hardly take a breath from excitement.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


A rude awakening this morning! The alarm clock went off at 7:30am! I was in the middle of a very intense bad dream. It was a real struggle to open my eyes, it has been a real struggle to get the brain into gear all day. I did pack a box but we need to start getting to sleep early and up early since it is only 10 days until we need to leave this house! We need to pack the remaining stuff. I found crayons and I needed to color so I colored, I need to pack them. The CD player is packed, there are some CDs remaining unpacked. I need to get my dresser top packed....all my pretty bangles need to be packed away. I will miss them but I just look at them now so I hope to surprise me when I unpack in 4 weeks or less. I will not remember what is where....I have done that before thinking I will remember what is in a box with my cryptic codes! NOT! I am into the pre hysterical mode now, I spent time in denial of anything going on, then 10 days sick (5 in denial about that). Yes I want to move, yes I am looking forward to a new old house, and all the excitement of the trip with 22 cats...how bad can 6 days be? We have done it before with fewer cats. As long as the motel lets us in we are fine, I have the vacuum, and no one is a a naughty kitty they are all good cats....most are just elderly. I need to pack clothes for the trip, keep clothes to wear for the now and still pack up everything. What about cooking and eating? What about towels and bathing, what will I sleep on after the movers leave? We can't get a motel here we need to tidy this place up. So much to do and yet some can't be done until the last minutes! Help.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Dry run, on schedule.

We are placing cages in the truck and car to see how to best secure them on the trip with out killing us or the cats. I put a harness on K2(aka turbooz) he got out of it the first time and I got it on correctly the second time. He laid on the floor and sulked after walking backwards. I eventually took it off him and he came right into my lap and forgave me the great insult to his catonage. He is, after al,l a former Royal truffle pig to the Sun King. No one else volunteered to try one on. We had a helper the last major rip and this time we are just the two of us in 2 vehicles. I will not move any distance again with all the cats. Where we end up we will stay even if we need to all sleep in one room during the winter to not freeze to death. I was thinking too much again last night and it was hard to get to sleep. I was thinking I have crammed a lot of living in the past 25 years. We are in our Silver Jubilee year of marriage and I have completed two degrees( we will not count the double majors)I had a career of ten years as a professor, I bought and paid off a house then sold it, nearly died in a car accident (a person on their cell phone was not paying attention) immigrated to a new country, became a citizen of new country, lost my mother and dearest cousinsister. Half the people who were at my wedding are dead...no make that 75%...;was involved in a million dollar lawsuit( I won but it still cost me $19K). Had a breakdown and then a lot of other not very nice things happened too. I am still here getting ready to move far away from here and see what the rest of life has in store for us. First we need to get to Maine with all of us OK and fine!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

I am not making it UP

Everything is smaller now. I have checked and boxes I have bought to pack in, the newspaper I get everyday, the jars of food stuffs I buy, the towels, the everything I buy is smaller. Costs a little more and it is smaller so it costs a lot more, really. Wardrobes used to be 24 inches wide, now they are 18 inches, even the book boxes are 1 inch smaller....my books should fit but now they need to be packed differently. The newspaper is smaller with fewer pages so I use up a few days worth in minutes. I am out of paper, so I have stopped packing for now, the Sunday paper should be enough to finish. I know these things because I have moved across country many times, I have packed these same items for years, decades. The one thing that is not smaller are dinner plates. I was packing the few left from my mother with the few new ones I bought and the new ones are as big as her "chop" plate....a serving platter for pork or lamb chops. Dinner plates as big as a serving platter! I am not hard on my clothes and i have bought from the same company for decades and I have the same size top from 10 years ago and a new one from last fall...the new one needed to be 2 sizes bigger than the old one (and the old one is not stretched out....and I have not gotten fatter but lost weight...) I look at the measurements in a new catalog and have an old catalog in my mother's box of magazines I just brought from her house and have just gotten the emotional energy to go through and guess what!? The sizes measurements have been changed! There is a 3 inch difference between the size X of ten years ago and the size X of today! My hand cream used to be 6 ounces now it is 4.5 ounces. And the old one is just from 2010! No inflation? Cost of living is stable? Not on your tin type! If you think you are going through anything faster than you once did it is not you....It is the Big Corporations making a bigger profit with out telling anyone they have raised the prices. They made the package smaller not raised the price! Logic like a child, no? Logic of the greedy bastards. Many of you will not notice but since I have time I notice and that is why I go all granny on the world! By the way it is interesting to think that most of the "nice" glasses I have came with nice beverages as holiday sets. I have lived like a refugee since 2006 and I look forward to a stove, my real pots and pans, flatware and china....ooooh and cloth napkins, too. 6 years is a long time to live with hand me downs and goodwill finds. 13 days to go.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

No yet set in stone but close

Attention: here is the first draft of the Itinerary. Day one Texarkana, Ark, 448 miles. Day 2, to Nashville Tenn. Day 3 489 miles, Roanoke, VA 438. Day 4 Scranton, PA 411 miles. day 5 Lowell, MA 300 miles. Day 6 Milbridge, Maine, 272 miles. This is with good weather and good health(cats and me) So we are getting close. I still have some packing to do. But I am feeling loads better as compared to this time last week. We will be a convoy the Toyota Carolla in the lead( me) and the Ford F-150 following. This should be an adventure.

Room at the Inn?

I am trying to get a route map and places to stay that will accept pets. It is not like we will even spend 24 hours at any place. I always leave the place cleaner anyway. What I HATE is not getting a straight answer from anyone. We are not going on vacation. I would never drive 2500 miles for vacation I hate the roads and hassle. We are driving because we are moving and we have cars and pets. How else are we suppose to get to the new house with the cars and pets? Is there a train to park the cars on and a stateroom and a nice kennel car for the pets? NO! Why because no one here in the USA cares about people and their need to travel in safety. We have crappy public transportation because the Auto makers wanted to sell cars. I have no idea why the trains are so neglected....like poor relations at a rich mans table. We are staying in any place for more than a night since we do need to arrive at our destination before the moving van filled with our stuff gets there. Is no ones else moving? Does anyone really move across country anymore? I guess not. I will blog from each stop and let you know how awful the day was or how well it went.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Whatever minus 3 days

I am getting better. I packed a box today and cleaned out 2 cupboards. I am still coughing but not as bad or deep. Today was sunny after old 10am... at new 11am.... I do not like this messing with the time. It is like putting the scale up 5 pounds and looking like you have lost weight. For idiots really who can't just keep summer hours and winter hours. Here it just means it is sunnier)therefore hotter) longer and getting to sleep is harder since the sun is in the window. Bleah! :-P The Toyota's rear seat is a waste to put down ....will not help with cat crates. Trying to find a positive side I did decide now we can pack the trunk with more things we will need like clothes and cat supplies. Everything feels harder to do. Yet there is really less to do. I guess since it is because we leave no one behind this time. Yes that again. It is weird to move and no one is left behind to miss or say good bye to. Mom's and Dad's ashes are packed.... first box I packed. Nothing remains of the babies that are buried in the back yard. The Birds and the Possum will miss me. The trees are showing a little spring but mostly showing how much they are dead from the heat and drought. Not going to miss the heat and drought. I was able to walk across the lawn and make dust last October and there were ground cracks over 3 feet deep( I only had a yard stick. Not going to miss the heat. I feel like saying oooooo brisk morning, I need a sweater......

Friday, March 9, 2012


Still sick. I am in a deep blue hole of despair. The house is sold the movers are on their way and I can't breath with out coughing. I can think of six people I know that I'd rather be sick then me. Yeah I am that type...bring it on my worst enemy, if not them there is no enemy.  I am enjoying my new song. One good thing. Yesterday the A/C was on today the damn heater is back on and I am sweating no matter if I am cold or too hot. Yeah virus, yeah doctors who stop the idea of universal health care because they do not want to be tied to the kind of salaries in Canada...They only get $150,000 a year and they do not pay for their office staff and stuff. I never made that kind of money if you add up my three best years .

Thursday, March 8, 2012


Today we closed on the house. The futz factor price was well worth it. I am less sick. But still wheezing hacking, coughing. The weather is warmish and thick with the promise of rain that will be broken. It is a familiar pattern. A few sullen drops from the heavy clouds above but then they move east and the sun heats up the evening and the night is uncomfortable. Not the best weather for a bad clogged cough. I have a new favorite song. http://home.earthlink.net/~gholibaz/     I posted the link to my website I have had it for years no one reads it but the song is there.

I have no idea if this works  but the group is Canadian. This country produces a lot of talent.
I am not packing for 3 days now. And I am not worried as I should be because I know there is not much really.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


No that is not a mistake. I am sick enough to delay the move as long as we could. Either that or drop dead. The moving company is being very nice... Orion/Verizon...lines. They had a good review and so far they were not the cheapest nor the most expensive. They had the least complaints. I feel like crap my whole body hurts from coughing. I am one step from pneumonia but if I try hard I will keep that step back! It is so hard to lie in bed and look at all that needs to be done. Much of the time I am thinking how to pack stuff with out ......the thought are leaving the brain and the coughing is coming back...but this time it is less.......

Monday, March 5, 2012


I managed to salvage some of the day. I packed /finished 5 boxes. 3 small book size and just the taping of two large ones. 
What makes this move so difficult is there is no one left behind to say good-bye to. No one to miss, write post cards to on the way or send Christmas Cards to after I am moved in. No one left here in Texas but people I pay.
Mother is dead these 6 years and the only reason I have been stuck here for so long. I once had a sister. I would like to say I loved her and I miss her, but I didn’t and I don’t. She is dead as far as my life is concerned. So I pack up the brittle memories that still sting a bit and make the heart heavy. No regrets to leave except the cost of living, but it is also the cost  of living here, that is why I need to get out, to leave, to not let the door knob hit me in the butt. I was going to go through the few things left from my mother and repack them but what is the use? I will tote them to Maine and unpack them there; maybe get an old trunk to put those old things in and store it in the attic. I never had an attic before and these will make interesting things for some one 30 years from now to look through after I am gone. I will put my diaries I there, too. I look at the stuff hat still needs to be packed and it is not that much, really. I moved away in 2004 and never came back, really. I commuted back and forth to my home in Canada spent most of the time there until I got enough days to become a citizen. I left here behind long ago. I just did not know that it would be the last time I would see my mother. We talked nearly everyday, but I never saw her grow frail in the year I was away, never heard her complain about how the person who shares my DNA with Mom was treating her. The whole sordid episode is mostly behind me and I am grateful for modern medication! A broken heart and broken spirit takes a long time to mend but the scares are deep and they ache when the weather changes.


In bed and sick. Lying down in bed is not an option since not coughing is not an option. I am cold and too warm. My brains are not foggy( not any more than the usual anyway). I am vaguely hungry but what I want to eat is not made and I may make it later (noodle pudding). It is not illness but allergies but it feel as crummy as illness. Texas is giving me a good send off... every freaking plant is blooming. And for some reason everyone has landscaped with Mountain Laurels. They are beautiful and the picture on this blog is of one of them; but they are my nemesis since I arrived in Texas many years ago. I liked Texas in the beginning. Then the weather patterns began changing in the late 1990s. More hot days, longer summers, less rain in the spring and winter. More humid, muggy suffocating days. I would get up at 4:30 am so I could go walking at the school grounds and even then it was 80 degrees and so humid the sweat would pour from my pores and I would feel ill. I would watch the sweat bead up on my head in the mirror, it was bizarre. I could feel the process and see it. Then drought came after the last big floods in 1998. The days and nights were hot, humid, and full of dust. Then there came a time that there was not cool of the day. Summer would end in October, and reappear in late January. The few months of not hot weather was OK, but the dry left everything brown and dead looking. We lost any idea of seasons. We used to have long lovely autumns. Springtime was full of wild flowers that were so colorful it hurt the eyes. I get SAD but mine always is in Summer time. I am not a hot weather person, I don't mind the glorious hot summer days to bake the cold out of my bones, but these days lasted for 9 and 10 months of the years. It is oppressive. Now the weather pattern is cold fronts and warm ups in a matter of 48 hours. Freezing temperatures at night then a few days of oppressive mugginess. There is climate change and I saw it happening in just a span of years. So I head for a cold climate and all the related expenses, but is it better to be bundled up or curled in a sweat drench fetal position of despair? I take today off from packing. I will get up and deal with the mess on the dresser every now and then. I know I can turn to and pack up the rest of the house in a day or two so I can afford this time spent in bed. Better now then laid up in a motel sick on the road!

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Well this is just great! I am sick again. These allergies will not leave me alone, The nose is fine it is theses lungs and huge cough...I sound consumptive! I am warn out with coughing...hack, whoop-hack.....heave sigh. I am 50% packed up but these last few weeks(3) will be a nightmare if this does not go away. I need to drive 2500 miles!!!! I am feeling sad about the birds...no one to feed them or appreciate their singing! And poor possum, who loves a possum? I watched him last night eating his supper; he/she likes whole grain sweet rolls with a drizzle of honey. They are such gentle creatures; makes me cry to think that people want to harm them for no reason but nastiness. Their fur is soft to touch...we had a passing feel one night. So the great adventure will be fraught with illness and bad weather or will I recover and the weather calm down for a week or two? I will write every night so stay tuned.

Friday, March 2, 2012


In 24 Days we are having the moving company come and pack all our worldly goods in a van and head northeast. The next morning we will gather up 22 cays and pack up the pick-up truck with a camper(F-150 four door) and my Toyota Carolla and we are driving to Baton Rouge as our first stop. It will take all day just to get out of Texas. The weather is sending chills up of spine....tornadoes, severe storms are lining the way we need to travel. I can just see the swath of destruction along our way. Right now we are 50% packed sounds like a lot but there is so much we need to use during this interim time that it can not be packed too soon. I would like to toss everything and just buy again but that is silly and not cost effective since our stuff is from the days of good quality and not made cheaply in China. We are both paralyzed with the amount of work that needs to be done, his part-time work is a real nightmare! Rick Perry can collect his retirement and full working salary and so can hundreds of other people but jesuschrist heaven forbid a person who is now on 1/3 of his salary can't even work part time or risk loosing his pension! [It is the same program that Rick Perry is on that is why I mention this] The weather is a real concern. Our over all health and mental health is a concern. Driving with millions of people who know the roads that will be new to us across the country for 2500 miles is a challenge. But we need to break down the components of this whole event into smaller parts and not think about all that still need to be done. My closet is almost empty...a good thing....although there are no closets like the ones here in the new old house there! Do I have too much stuff or do I just take good care of what I have and it stays around for decades? The weather is freaking me out. One day it is cold then like today it is so muggy I can swim through the air better than walk or so it seems. And to top it off the SPring flowers are going crazy beautiful, especially the Texas Mountain Laurel, they are all over the neighborhood! They are beautiful purple bunches of clusters like grapes made of petals.... I am so allergic to them I can't breath. So this is where I am at T MINUS 24!