a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Merry Christmas

I am listening to my Christmas song list on Youtube. I hear the words and am disappointed in the message conveyed by the sweet words.
I need to digress just a bit….I read the novel Hild this autumn, I was enthralled by it. To say I loved it is an understatement.
It is now 2000 years past the creation of Christianity. I see more hopelessness than was ever in the world of Hild of 500 ACE. I see so many hate filled postings on the internet from so called Christians. Right now our supposedly Christian nation( those who are in office tout this on a daily basis) is at war with nearly the whole world. Their apologist will say it is those evil Muslims who has cause all this but we all know better that we are no innocents in this area.
I can speak from each side on this matter. I can not defend either side, nor would I want to. It is the season of Jesus and all the ignorant people are screaming about putting Jesus back into the season.
Yet what is going on here in this “Christian” country? It is a crime to feed the homeless in many part of this country…. Florida is the leader in this. Our police are out of control and looks like they are staffed by lunatics. Our elected officials begrudge every penny to the unfortunate that even would appall Scrooge before the visit from the three ghosts. He at least paid his taxes to support the work houses and prisons.
Today prisons are a business concern run for profit.
Children are worshipped while in the womb, but once born it is acceptable to let them go hungry and live in poverty…in this the once richest country of the world.
We want to fight wars since we have so many nice weapons and created a perfect enemy that is self sustaining yet impossible to define…a perfect storm for the war profiteers.
We have Billionaires in this country that want to create their own version of dystopia in the once nice country. Their money can buy and has bought nearly every politician in this country. Their agenda is frightening to anyone who has read their desires.
We have leaders who are village idiots who think solar power uses up the sun and dries the sun to old people in the wintertime since so many die of the cold.
Only here( I do know this is not all true but it is illustrative) can a person be fined and jailed for collecting rain water. Only here is it an on going active campaign to limit personal solar power on one’s home. Only here are citizen referred to as “consumers” and not people, not citizens. Only here are we denied of rights to free speech… being told there is a consequence for speaking out. Knowing one will get fired from a job, or jailed, or disappeared for speaking out pretty much limits free speech.
So in this festive season of beautiful carols with now meaningless words people are buying stuff they do not need, and the message from the Bible was a lie.
Jesus’s birth did not bring peace on earth…in 2000 years Christians have not made a world of peace, love, compassion, or empathy. We are only told we first must die and then we have peace …well …….PHOOEY on that idea.
It was a tragic thing when the Christ’s Priests came to the land where Hild lived…..

Sunday, December 7, 2014

A Different Perspective on Pearl Harbor

Today is the anniversary of the Pearl Harbor Attack. After that attack this country went into a major war effort. There were real enemies and it was a global effort. A lot of countries were part of the effort; a lot of countries put their own quest for independence from being colonized off until the their occupier country had either won their war or last. It made no difference to the colonies who won.
However that is not the gist of my essay. I am writing on this anniversary of the beginning of our (USA) WWII to say we have brought shame on the lives lost in that war. We call it the Greatest Generation who sacrificed for what they saw as a real threat to the world…yet they died in vain.
As a government we have shamed our fallen military. We do this Wreaths Across America, we revel in the national patriotic holidays and grovel at graves we have elevated out current cannon fodder to be heroes no matter what. Yet we have betrayed the very deaths of our grandfathers, fathers, uncles brothers and all the rest who died a long way from home. They died cold or over heated, of starvation, of wounds, of being blown to bits; but they felt they were doing this sacrifice for the good of the generations to come, their children and grandchildren, for their nation and peoples. They died in vain. What have we created out of their sacrifice? Did we give the United Nations a chance to be effective? No. We started the containment of “communism” because we were afraid of another way of government or did we listen to the war profiteers to keep their war manufacturing sound? We spent the next 40 years out spending the Soviets and creating many little wars to keep the public off balance and not thinking about what was really going on. We could not contemplate peace anywhere. So many countries that wanted their independence were either denied( French Indo China) or divided in such a way to create the groundwork for infinite unrest. Now we face the real Damocles Sword of rouge nuclear bombs.
All this could have been avoided if our government could have looked at peace and worked towards that instead of feeding the bloated Military Industrial Complex. We fed the dark side all my life, yet I can see it was wrong. If all my life I was fed the party line yet I can see the faults and each step we took wrong… wrong from the peaceful point of view but not from the view of profit for the 1%. We fed the bloated Bureaucrats and stuffed the Businesses with so much money they take it out of the USA and put it overseas to avoid taxes. And what have the people gotten, we are accused of freeloading if we ask for living wages, affordable medical care & even food for our children. They are bloated with riches and we get nothing. Even what the last great President (FDR) created( Social Security) is being taken away, mismanaged, and destroyed so there will be nothing left for the poor people.
I am ashamed for the lives lost fighting WWII. I am ashamed for every dead solider since That war. We ask our young people to die, but give them lies to die for. The Serfs never asked why they just died, or ran away to America land of the free….now there is no where for our serfs to run too. I am ashamed our people died in vain.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Patriotic Holidays

I hate these holidays that ask me to thank a Vet for their sacrifice for my freedom. Those Vets are all nearly dead. No one has died for my freedom in my life time.

Not one war would have ruined this country's economic or otherwise freedom. All the wars military persons have died in have been in the name of skewed ideology or greed for oil or simple revenge. No safety has been secured, no enemy has been defeated, no country has been saved in anyway in my life time.

We have wounded, maimed, and disable men and women being brave in their sacrifice. We have a Congress blind to their sacrifice, their suffering, and craving more ways for more pain they can inflict on their own country and other countries that looked at the USA cross-eyed or just a passing sideways glance. We have forced our views on others while sucking dry our own people of their money, their hope, their faith and love for country. Congress has mangled the Constitution and ignored the rights we once had as inalienable.

We no longer use any religious moral code to base out actions on. Those who claim to be Christians are not more a Christian than the moon. Actions speak... words just pollute the air. The ultra conservatives are so afraid of any changes that they send back people to Congress who would be the village idiot who, like a broken clock could be right twice a day except they are missing the minute hand. We are so divided that the all of us are mired in semantics and definitions of the words we shoot like arrow volleys.

Spare me these Patriotic Holidays. World War II is over and Japan and Germany won in the long run. We lost, The American People lost, however the American Corporate Empires are fat and wealthy like Croesus and like Midas turn everything in to gold. Can't eat gold, can't sleep on gold can't drink gold.

Monday, November 10, 2014

I will take the challenge

I saw

I decided to try.

I have had a rucksack prepared for this event for decades. It kept me sane in the face of extreme depression and imprisonment. The prison was of my own devices of being a good daughter and staying home to care for my invalid father while my mother went back to work. Father was not kind all the time to me. I had a sister who left and only came to ask for money. She never once offered to help me out in all the years I was at home tending to a cranky, verbally abusive man cut down in his prime. I coped because I loved my father. I stayed out of duty because it was the right thing to do.

I saw a TV show called Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy and decided that if the off chance this could happen I needed a ruck sack so I could leave at a moments notice.
The contents changed over the years. I even had a traveling outfit ready...I said it was to keep me sane in a time of great challenges.....

My first thought was it is cold in space. So a pair of wool socks was in the pocket with a change of undies. I was a practical person if I were to travel I needed to be tidy, clean, and well dressed for the occasion. I am a female so I have a bit of make-up...mascara, a liner pencil, some shadow...no lip stick. I also have a jar of petroleum jelly, toothbrush, a baggie of baking soda & aspirin. I do have the towel & several hankies. I have a shawl made of alpaca it is warm and folds small. I have a notebook, pens and pencils and a very good jack knife of all things. I have a comb and hairpins. I did keep soap and shampoo... not a lot because I am sure there are ways to keep clean in this adventure. If I needed to be on earth I also had money to tide me over until I can find work. Along with that all the ID and papers one needs to be acceptable. That was in a small zipper pouch.
I had a silk scarf. I had a bottle of water & some granola bars. Like Heidi I wore all my clothes in layers. I also had good walking shoes. I wore my jewelry, what I wore changed over the years to be more real gold and silver for barter. I also had a few paperback books in the rucksack those also changed over the decades. I now have a bowl made of wood, some matches and a fat candle, wood spoon. The rucksack is still not full and still not very heavy. I can customize the contents at will. I no longer need menstrual items which saves space and makes me free to take that rucksack and just leave .......Depending on the circumstances I am ready but if it is here I need to take the cats and the Old One with me since we don't need to leave unless it is a disaster.......I am still doing my duty.....

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

What Republicans Mean to Me

I fear for my safety under republican rule. They are intolerant and ready to kill first and sweep the facts under the rug. They have no compassion for animals or people who are not wealthy. They do not follow any of then tenets of their religion, because kindness and charity are the fore most in all the religions I have studied. They do not allow the feeding of the hungry, they want homeless people to be homeless since of course it is their own fault they have no home and wealth. Republican spout "Christian" values all the time yet they use that Old Testament vengeance as their basic tenet, not the mercy and kindness from Jesus. Republicans love war and killing people and animals; they wrap it in red, white, and blue pseudo patriotism.... that is fascism for those who did not pay attentions in school. They wrap the pleasure of killing animals into tradition and that warm, fuzzy father son bonding. Nothing says love more than slaughter of innocent animals who are baited and staked out to be killed. Republicans Love war and killing those who do not look like them, sound like them, pray like them. By God it is good for business. It gives jobs to those young people who republicans insist on being born. It puts money into the pockets of their friends. Everyone can find a job in the body bag making factory or they are just lazy and don't want to work. Republican hate change, science, and progress. To them What was good enough for my granddad is good enough for me unless granddad was working for the WPA, NRA, CCC....
Republicans hate more than they love. They hate the unfortunate, the poor, the different. They hate women unless those women stay home, cook, raise those babies, and drop their drawers whenever their man gets a hard on. Of course those wives need to be kept in line and a few smacks with a belt or club or fist is in the Bible so it is all ordained by god to beat women. That is what I feel and see when some says they are a Republican. Now if I am wrong show me that the ruling class, the ruling party is different. Show me the child care, the education, the love of the Christ in action. Show me feeding the poor and not bombing countries. Of course ones a democrat gets elected they turn into a republican too since I do not see much coming from them either. They got theirs and they hell with those who are lazy( of course they do not know nor care about the facts....all poor people are lazy, eh?)
So the people in Pennsylvania can eat their dog and cat roasts, all those Maine can torture bears before they slaughter them. And all those who like to gnaw on the flesh of others.... well that is just tradition isn't it.
If this is what is meant by god bless america then I am happy to not be part of such a depraved god.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014


I like Halloween. I like Samhain and all the odd sorts of customs I see from other places I bury an apple by the road for wandering spirits. I was always a gypsy for Halloween. I had a red long skirt with cards sewn on it.... my mother made it. I also wore a shawl and head scarf. Later (much later) I learned my great grandmother was a gypsy. So it was in my blood. I like witches and all that stuff that goes with Halloween. I do not believe in the devil or evil spirits, just nasty people. And real people are more scary than anything supernatural!

But back to traditions. I like to make a Bramback bread, bury the apple, remembering the departed with a candle and incense. It is traditional New Years for the Celtic cultures and it make good sense to me to embrace the dark months while preparing for the longer nights. Since I live in the north I can see the changes in the length of the day and night, sunset at 4:30pm and sunrise at 8 am! Something that is not as obvious in many of the lower states.

Autumn is a glorious time of color blazing away in dappled sunshine. Apple anything, pumpkin anything, I made pumpkin waffles this morning they are very yummy... just add a 1/2 cup of pumpkin and some spice to the regular batter. Baked cut up apples( I like spice in this too) in a casserole with a layer of cinnamon rolls( yes out of the can) makes a nice meal too.
Apples are old world and Pumpkins are new world...I am very glad all the world has been blended together through those who had bad intentions of conquest; but with out the blending our world would be sad and tasteless. We are all from a people who were conquerers and the conquered. I hold no animosity to those who came before me. We as a species are not so nice, we can only mentally evolve to become nicer & kinder. It is not happening if watching movies from the 1930s and 1940s is any indication of our evolution. We are devolving rather rapidly.

Halloween is a time to reflect for me and enjoy a neglected part of the year, the harvest, the change of the season to become winter and for nature's rest. Many have lost touch with nature, but here in Maine it is easier to stay tuned in. The weather will not let us slide for long!

Halloween is all about the treat nature gives us in the colorful trees the nippy air the frost, harvest of the fruits, the preparation of burrowing in for a snowy time.

I like the sweets, the candy, but I remember as a child my booty of candy still being raided at Easter time. So I can wait out the long spell of the winter. Autumn is short and winter is just a few weeks away since snow comes so close to the middle of Autumn now. Trick or treat? All of lie is a treat if we just remember that life is all we have, really.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

A New Direction

I have been reading more news than is good for me lately, and I have decided that how we ( you and I )are referring to those we violently disagree with is counter productive. Calling people morons and stupid and all the other low terms is not right. Yes they are stupid heads since they are diametrically opposed to our views; however calling them names does not change their perception of themselves. And changing that is what I am all about.

A person who is very interested in another's sex life is more a voyeur. Some one who is bent on interfering in a stranger's person affairs/life like birth control, or who an adult loves( another adult, too) is perverse. Those who obsess about strangers sex lives are perverts.
The whole idea of being obsessed with personal lives as if they have some sort of right is perversion.

People who want to attack ideals like a living wage, medical care are Stingy. There are many words that fit this category. Those who do not want for other as they have and are chive to deny others like medical care, clean water, adequate housing, wages are more Rapacious. It is a selfish greedy grasping attitude that want to deny happiness to others. Who resent others having any happiness.

These terms are broad enough and the general meaning know far and wide enough to make this work as descriptions better suited to challenging the broad array of office seekers and talking heads on TV/Radio/ Print.

No matter how "clean cut" these talking/writing heads look their minds are perverse. They really are not aware that they are voyeurs and perverts so we must remind them that this is what they are and their religious beliefs are misconstrued and a misinterpretation of the whole intent of religion. This also goes for those who are violent in nature also.

It is more a case of mass delusion and brainwashing. Just because a lot of people are bellowing about their ideals does not mean they are correct. Just susceptible to other's bad intentions.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Phooey Number 2

What bothers me the most about the east vs west morality : Muslim women are veiled and perceived as oppressed this is true mostly, too. However western women are oppressed as being the vamp/tramp/ tease to weak men and always put on display, shunned if we are too fat, too skinny, too homely, too short, too tall, no boobs..... We are only acceptable if we are beautiful and do not speak out. We must be baby machines, cooks, house keepers and whores to the ideal of many men. We can go to school but are rarely encouraged to study anything in math or science, must not look to smart. An outspoken women, an intelligent women is emasculating and therefore not desirable to most men. Not only not desirable but dangerous. Every religious/Christian/ news/evangelist talk show male degrades anything and everything about a woman who does not parrot their ideals. So who is really oppressed? we are oppressed by men here as well as brainwashed women who insist on dragging down other women( of course only after they have gotten on the top!!) Look around and tell me if I am wrong. Who is more oppressed, I believe it is a tie.

Sunday, October 5, 2014


I am living through the hardest time of my life. I had other hard times, years of living through a special kind of hell but I still had youth to see me through the tunnel. I still could dream of some pleasant time in the future. But not now. I am at an age people can suddenly die or get some dreadful disease and then my life would be over. All my dreams shattered and picking up the pieces of those dreams cut my fingers and I bleed. It is hard to see through this time since I am much wiser now and I know things can get worse.

That old saying of "well what else can go wrong" is like a challenge to the Universe. Damocles sword hangs over my head. I am paying the price of doing the right thing for the right reason. It does not make my days easier since I am no sainted martyr who relishes suffering. I trap what bits of joy of each day and sometimes that basket is nearly empty and I need to hold tight to those little joys or break from the grief of my life. I can suspend my disbelief when I watch Dr Who. But I can not pretend I received an apology due me has been given. I need to let go, and I have let go of many things but we all know that to forget a major event of pain making is hard. There is always something to break the stitches and the blood oozes just enough to make a mess. Good metaphors.

I have much to be grateful for but why should I always be thankful for not having more bad stuff happening to me? I would like to live for a while where only nice things happen for a change and be thankful of the good things and not be thankful that things were not worse. That is why I have no more faith, belief, or other religious trappings. I got tired of being on the conveyor belt receiving end of being glad things were not worse than they were. So on this Sunday I say Phooey.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Just Now

I usually write things that are serious since I am always thinking seriously. It is a lovely autumn day and I tire of being serious.The crows are cawing and the baby next door is unhappy and making her unhappiness known. The cars make noise going by but once they are gone it is all leaves in the wind sounds, the wind chimes and birds. Do motorcycle riders see any of the scenery when they ride I wonder? The huge ferns are turing golden. They grew to be 5 feet tall. Coffee was good today. The Old One is having trouble with eating, nothing seems to be what her stomach want to have in it. And theta traitor stomach will give me no clue. But at 97 almost 98 --98 if we count 9 month in her mother and lots of people do ;-)

So what is going on not much but the parade of life.Grab each day you can and strangle some joy out of it. To be serious all the time is not good gets too many people into trouble.
My big question is why does so many people want to deny most of the world a nice little life? I am sure if you ask regular people everywhere what is important few would day the domination and control of the world. Most are like me, a sound house, enough food and clothes to be well fed and warm. Family and friends, well cared for pets/companion animals. Energy to keep it all clean. A job that does not suck the very soul out from your guts each day. And no blood on your hands from killing. Am I right?

The wind is warm, the air has a floral scent, later the the sea scent will arrive but that is much later in the day.
There is lots of house work to do but this day is too nice to be inside. If not why even have a porch?

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

My attitude has changed

Once I laughed at jokes degrading women, you know blond jokes and all the rest. I once did not mind seeing women used as some sales tool in advertising, I would brush it off thinking it was normal and therefore OK. Not any more. I lost my sense of that kind of humor. I also no longer appreciate the art photos of lovely women or the more smutty ones. I am disturbed that female celebrities, actresses, singers, and others in the news type of women are trying hard to be so sexy and exhibitionists to get seen. They seem to enjoy this. However I see it as sad and pathetic to depend on transient beauty. Girls are still trading on their looks or availability to be a sex objects instead of education, self assurance, self respect and doing something with their lives instead of still becoming that sex object for hire. This is echoed to the older women and the to my age group to still be vital and sexy ( read young and available). An older woman is respected only if she is still wildly attractive to men. We are dependent on men for our self esteem. Men still regard women as some what inferior, not all of the men use that term "inferior", but they use similar words or phrases or tone of voice. Wink wink. So nothing has changed in my life time. We (women) are no more respected now then were were 50 years ago 100 years ago or 200 years ago. Our rights are still not respected, we still do not get equal pay. The old men in congress still have smutty minds and are are too nosy about mine and every other woman's "lady parts" and trying to control us. No one likes an uppity woman and they (the men who write ad copy, legislation, text books, TV shows...) still work over time to keep us in our place. They have divided us and with that division we are easily controlled. It is a pity. It is sad.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Next Round of Cheating Begins

I have just experienced the next round of corporate cheating. It seems every few months whatever I buy costs more simply because the quantity has been secretly reduced. A gallon of paint covers X amount of wall space. However the 64 ounces to that gallon has been reduced to 56 ounces so the rule of thumb of how many cans to buy is out the window. When I buy coffee I expect so many pots from the can. When I get fewer pots I think I am misusing my measuring spoon...but no! There are now fewer ounces in the can and I did not run out of coffee the coffee ran out on me! I have lately been being aggravated by the roll of paper towels falling off the the holder. Was it my nerves or am I just going crazy? NO! One benefit of having the Old One's stuff here and unpacking at leisure I cam across several older rolls of paper towels at least 5 years old( she was a devotee to Costco) The new paper towels are a full 3/4 inch shorted( narrower?) so they do not fit onto the roll securely. I believe the corporate world is gas lighting me! It is the big pot of frogs in the water with the heat on and ever so slowly the water warms....it is now scalding me, I am onto their tricks. It now costs more to live on less income. Yes the frogs are beginning get cooked. I have jumped out since I now know no corporation is trust worthy and it is now every one for himself. I read labels. You all can be the sheeple. I may have been reduced to a free range serf but I will wear the red in protest. The red ribbon is in. I bought my ribbon from China direct. No more fakery patriotism for me.

Thursday, August 14, 2014


I love life. I love life for all people and all living non people. I have no illusions that there is a heaven or hell. That is a a tale for children, for those who are not aware of the precious value of life.
As much as I love life I am drawn to suicide to rid me of the pain of watching, hearing about those who hate, of those who can kill any life with no more thought than taking a piss.

However I am in despair at how every government and religion is behaving towards their own people and others not “approved” by their narrow view of this world.
I am sick at heart and soul at the wholesale killing, the callous disregard for another’s love of life to the point that making others suffer, killing others, is some how alright, is some how acceptable.

I remember how horrified the world was when that Buddhist monk set himself on fire in South East Asia during the Viet Nam war. I remember people talking about that was such a tragedy.

When Robin Williams could not longer stand his demons he took his life away. Millions were horrified, grief stricken to loose such a beloved public figure. I then thought if this man who had everything I always wanted, talent, wealth, public acclaim, could throw his life away in his pain then why not me. Why not end my pain at having to see the suffering, the purposely unfairness of others, the hatred towards me by my own government. A government who can not even spare part of the vast riches they squander on killing others to shelter the homeless, feed children, help heal the sick in their own country from the taxes taken from the serfs who support this regime of death.

Then I was thinking through this ideal of killing myself that no one will care except a few close people and of course my cats. I could not kill myself to make a statement about the One Percent oppressing the other Seven Billion people because there is not enough hearts to feel the outrage felt by that death of one Buddhist monk on the stairs so long ago.

If I asked others to join me in suicide, a mass suicide? No that will only create a news event of 5 minutes and then the One Percent will be rid of those who are watching them. Then those precious lives will be gone for nothing.

What makes us all alike? The red of our blood. The kittens murdered by that cop in front of terrified children, their blood was red. The people blown apart by Israeli bombs their blood is red. The wounds created by the rocks thrown at the Israeli solider that blood is red. The slaughter animals condemned only to tantalize the taste buds of “gourmands”… their blood is red as well.

From now on I will wear a a red ribbon on my arm or wrist, or a red piece of duct tape on my clothes, on my car, my bike. This is the symbol of life. It is only seen in death now a days. But If everyone who is fed up, tired and weary of this insanity created by the less than One Percent of the Seven Billion peoples of this planet puts a strip of red tape on their out side clothes, cars, bikes, backpacks, purses, hand bags, cell phones something…. everything…. to be seen by others every day; this will mean I would kill myself if it would stop the madness of these governments, religions, groups who only wish harm and unhappiness for others.
If you love life for everyone then join me. If you wish to spread this idea a piece of red tape on bank doors, restaurants, businesses windows, Not a vandalized size just a few inches to show you know they are part of that One Percent of the insane people who value money over life, that One Percent who lust after power over others so they can make them suffer. Or like our governments who have forgotten us and think we are so much cannon fodder or cash cows to milk dry then throw away. Wear red, not as clothes no, but a strip of tape placed in any way on your jeans, skirts, boots, hats, sleeves. A bumper sticker of red tape, a strip on the door or window of your house. And when people mention it because they will tell them it is the blood of life and you refuse to kill yourself to make the One Percent happy but you want them to know that YOU know THEY are insane and wrong about everything they believe. Since they do not value the only thing we all have for a short time…..LIFE.

Friday, July 11, 2014

What I have learned

I have been through 3 power outages since 9:45 am so I have had time to really think about the state of the Union of the USA. Most electricity companies are for profit so I will thank the workers who get the lines back up and working but not the company since they are not it it as a service to me or the community but for profit and like all for profit companies in the USA they cut corners on the consumer side all the time. So no thank-yous for EMERA for getting my electricity back on; it is your job and you help thwart me from using alternate power, too. Just keep it on. I pay enough for it anyway. Plus you are not even an American company but from Canada.

Another thing I have learned is the William Randolph Hearst was the spear head leader to vilify Hemp as a good crop for paper and fiber and all the other things it can do( a milk like beverage, textiles from rope to silky fabric, oil and so on) Only because he had invested in forests for tree pulp paper. He owned nearly all the important newspapers and several congressmen/Senators so it was a slam dunk to ruin a cash crop that even President Washington grew.

I am sure the big pharmaceutical industry is behind the vilification of marijuana and the opiates as useful medications. I do know morphine is better at controlling pain with out addiction than oxycodone. I do not smoke grass but of course the liquor industry does not want weed to interfere with its billions of dollar sales each years.

No insurance wants to pay out money so those of us who pay into it at a high rate out of fear. Insurance companies have no right to be in the health care area of people. They are there make money...Period. So it is an oxymoron to say health insurance.

Another thing is neither the Israelis not the Palestinians want peace. If they did they would not be doing everything to not have peace. This war and all the other ethnic wars are profiting many businesses and not all of them are American so the other so called first world nations have a big stake in keeping the fighting going.

The USA Government has ceased to be the citizen of the country. We lost our power several decades ago. It is so obvious with the devolution of the Republican part and the neutering of the Democratic party. Few senators and congressmen are independent of some lobby or corporate ownership. Those who can stand the test of scrutiny are allowed in as tokens to keep up the veneer that we are some how a democracy still. We are not. We changed over to fascism a while back. One problem that people have is the definition was changed well over a decade ago in the common dictionaries published here in the USA. I know since I collect old dictionaries and read them. We just do it a bit different since times are different.
So this is what I know and have learned.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

This and That and The Other

I have been thinking about life, the world, and everything for a week or so. I have a few observations about what I have been ruminating about.
In no particular order:
1. resent the names of sporting areas and other type venue buildings named for corporations. It goes right to my anarchist nerve along with being referred to as a consumer and not a citizen. I had a minor fit when after the events of 9/11 President Bush told Americans to do what they did best SPEND MONEY AND BUY STUFF, to show those ol’ terrorists we were fine, while he and his regime began to dismantle the constitution behind that good ol’ boy facade. Phooey.
I just watched my new DVD --Jesus Christ Superstar. It is a deluxe DVD with commentary by Norman Jewison and Ted Neeley. I loved that movie from the first time I saw it in the very early 1970s. After being treated to a full day of drudgery with all the holy Jesus movies on Easter on TCM, it was nice to watch a quality piece of work. The commentary was so special. I do not roam around the Direct TV dial since 99% is real crap and the other stuff is reruns. When I gave up TV when I was forced to go digital in ’09, I never looked back with regret. I own a few sets of DVDs of my favorite series and re watch them when the mood strikes me. I do have a lot of favorite movies, these, my books, and music round out my entertainment.
I enjoyed the winter. If I were not forced to keep the house so hot I would have been happier. I am now enjoying this creeping Spring. I saw daffodils today while out and shoots of tulips or whatever they are at the side of my house. I hope the ferns survived being frozen for the last few months. I love the ferns.
I have two babies who seem to be planning to leave. Frosty the touch me not cat, has stopped running away from me at meal time and he has taken to sleeping in the same room I am in...he used to stay away from the group. If he would let me I would hold him in my arms and smoochy him all up. Scotsman has taken to sleeping on my lap, or in the bathroom sink. Both are elderly.
I have given up on the dreams and ideals I held as an American, and now also as a Canadian. Both countries have good things about them, and both have scare me to death sinister sides that are less veiled. I can see the contempt both governments have towards their citizens/consumers. It is sad and terrifying.
For now I am finished with this chapter of rumination.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Rise Up Slaves and Rebel! It is Now we must fight!

I have never advocated the annihilation of a whole family before. However in light of the past 35+ years I have had enough of the most evil depraved family on earth and I call for a Fatwa. I also include our own Homegrown evil families.

The Saudi Royal family is the most depraved, evil family on earth. Their Wahabism has been behind most all the terrorist attacks in the past 20 years. They have used their money, which we give them for their oil, to foment death and destruction around the world. It is no secret that they were behind the attack of 9/11.
Now the very straw that has broken the camel’s back has happened in the most depraved and profane act by Saudi Prince Fahd bin Sultan, in his cold blooded murder of thousands of gentle birds, he is not an isolated case. The whole house of Saud is corrupt. I am rather surprise Dick Cheney was not on this pleasure murder trip.
They have scattered their crumbs to others hiding their depravity. They are so wealthy, like the Koch brothers, that they feel above the law and that they are better than other people because of their wealth. The Koch brothers also scatter their crumbs here to people who do their bidding.
The Sauds have shown thousands of times how nasty, depraved, & profane they are over the years. Yet out government is in bed with them as lovers. Our government is as depraved for no one was sold in to slavery; the USA went in as willing partners. And the Koch brothers are as powerful as the Saudis and as evil.
I hate using the word evil but the thesaurus is so inadequate for my disgust at these subhumans who control the world.
It is the Saudis who are creating the unrest in every Muslim country. They are using their vast petro wealth to fund the people who willingly buy into their draconian Wahabism. They are like the people who willingly joined the NAZIs because they were already bent into a violent shape. A person is not corrupted unless he/she is already ripe to turn their back on the truth and light and follow the darkness of these evil people. They have sold their souls since they were not using them anyway.
So I call for the Destruction of the House of Saud. I call for the Destruction for the House of Koch. They have no redeeming value to humanity. They are anti-humanity and only hunger for riches and power. They want and have enslaved us but we have velvet bonds now and do not realize we are shackled to their filth. Rise Up world and take back your souls. Take back your lives and stop being the pawn and lackeys of the Saudis and the Koch.
If you do not rise up then you too are doomed to be as depraved as they are and then I hope you too suffer for your greed, lust, and evil ways.
There is only two sides that of truth and light and that of the Darkness that has control of the world now. Truth is losing but we can rise up and fight.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Running Hard to Stay in Place

Living with an Old One is not easy, nor is it any blessing either. All my young life I had to defer to the old people. The adults got the choicest morsels, the candy, the sweet heart of the watermelon. They got the window seat in the car. And I had to give up my room for them when they stayed while I slept on the sofa.

Everything needed to be just right for them. Or there was hell to pay. So being a child was not big fun fest. When I was a teen it was the same thing. The adults got the nice stuff the kids still got the left overs. I had to be polite to them while they could tell me my skin was bad or I was fat or any number of rude remarks. Inside I vowed to not be such a nasty adult. So I am not.

Now I made a huge faux pas of being kind, and, as my motto is no good deed goes unpunished I am being punished for my kindness and generous spirit I have despite of how I was treated as a child and the “role” models I had.

For a while I was successful in having the nice things first, then of course the Boss gets the nice things...employees get what the little boy shot at….zip.

Now I have an Old One living with me since I could not keep my niceness to my freaking self.
I do not get a seat in the sun, I do not get the room comfortable for me. I do get to hear the endless complaints on how nothing is as nice as when she was younger….lucky her! She lived a life where she never had to care for another or even be polite to others. She was foot loose and fancy free. Go to her house and you could starve to death before she would offer tea. We always ate before we visited since we knew there would be no refreshments after our 5 hour drive to visit. I hated those visits. But I was the child and she the adult so I learned how to sit quietly and wait for my turn. Mostly she would send me out to pull weeds in her garden. All those vegetables and not one of the dozen ripe ones would she offer. Her freezer was full of meat. It would be thrown out from freezer burn before she would cook and serve it to others.
She is now Old. She was being mistreated by those who were “caring” for her. She was a very generous person to non family members. Her neighbors would get those lovely tomatoes and squash and other nice ripe things. They would throw most of them out since she grew too much. We never took home anything from her...after all a five hour ride would wilt the produce….
Now she lives with me since she is Old. No one would come to take her. I was still my moral self, I have no religion or god watching me so I do these good things because they are the right thing to do. The religious relations could not be bothered with her.

I treat her well. I feed her well. I see to her every need since she is Old. I will get no heavenly reward I will get little in return except the satisfaction of doing the right thing.

But now I am not happy since I do not have a seat in the sun. I do not get the choice morsel to complain about, the fresh sheets to tug at because they are wrong….can’t tell me what it the problem since she never had to explain herself to anyone.
She never gave me anything. I hated gardening until I was 40. Yet I took her in because it was the right thing to do. It is still the right thing. And I will not change how I treat her because I am honorable to myself and know how a memory of bad behavior can sting for a lifetime. Maybe someday I will have the seat in the sun before I am Old. I know she always had the choicest of everything since she was 16. Now 80 years later she has hardened into the taking machine full of greed and she has such a greed for life. I guess that is why she will be 97 in 19 days.

Saturday, February 8, 2014


I wanted to watch the Olympics today, I have Direct TV and a bazillions stations so I thought I would enjoy the events. WRONG. Even though I pay through the nose for DirectTV I got NO station that has the Olympics...unless I want to pay more.
I gave up counting after 17 porno stations and 30 all day paid programming( read as infomercials all day all night) 20 stations with reruns and half of those have the SAME programs to boot.
SO I hate cable TV it is all cable to me little dish on the roof or not. These are not nice companies. First Direct TV takes off the weather channel...one station I did enjoy and put this godawful droning Weathernation in its place as good enough for us slobs who have cable. The Weathernation never has my area weather ever! So I feel blind about the coming storms here and I have an Old One(96) who I need to take to the doctor and provide for her comfort and safety.
I want to cancel the cable all together but she watches it. So I am held hostage by Direct TV and my duty to the Old One. And I hate Direct TV since they are rude on the phone, and do not give me value for the money I pay each month, Yes I get 100 station but over 55 are porn or informercials, 3 are the local ( a 100 miles away from me) and 2 get watched more or less. The rest are rerun stations of shows I do not want to see anymore or reality TV( even HGTV is a reality TV station now).
I hate wasting money! I hate not watching something that is costing me money I can spend elsewhere! I hate DirectTV for not ever giving me value for my hard earned money. Go ahead and laugh at me but I am not a pod person that relishes the garbage on the television. It could have been such a useful tool to learn and see the world from my living room. But when the history channel has reality TV shows about pawn shops I know that civilization is a sham and the people who watch this stuff are pathetic. The world is devolving right before my eyes.
I need to wash myself after having Direct TV on it is that nasty.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Winter Madness

I am not normally calm when things surprise me an unpleasant way. As my second cousins posted “I am Russian I don’t do Calm”, but I can calm down however it takes some time to reassess and calm down. The other ethnic parts of me are French and Irish so no one does calm!
I need to rant about food. I have decided to use more dried vegetables and some people( the Old One comes to mind) are all about fresh. Well I need to fuss.
I had two beautiful Onions to use in a recipe tonight. The Old One loves onions, lots and lots of onions. Every freaking bag of onions or individually chosen onions I have bought in two years have been bad. Out of five pounds of onions fully half are spoiled the day I buy and cut them open. The onions( makes no difference if they are purple, white, or yellow) look beautiful on the outside the skins are dry like a good fresh onion should be. BUT cut them open and they are rotten inside...pre spoiled!
So the five pounds I need for onion soup are barely three pounds of eatable onions after I cut through them. That makes me crazy, frustrated and angry that the price I pay for garbage comes from a finite source of money. I wasted $5 dollars….and that is a lot of money for this peasant. I just needed the two big beautiful onions for tonight. I got one!
So I will defend my use of the bulk dried vegetables that I buy, yes they are not as “nice” as fresh onions but I do not get to buy nice fresh onions, I get to buy onions that are spoiled inside and looks beautiful outside.
So much for the fresh food movement all the rich folks tout!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Other Side of the Care Giver

When I invited my 97(at the time 95) year old Aunt to come and live with me, I knew there would be some adjustments on both sides. Over all the experience is nice and I am happy. However there are a few places that are like a rock in a hiking boot. Neither is cause by the Old One but by my own personality and lifestyle.
I am a morning person who can wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6am. Her idea of morning is 10:30am.

I am a radical progressive liberal. She is FOX republican.

I like a cool house, to wear sweaters and feel a bit chilly after living in hell for so many years, she likes to be in Hawaii in thin clothes and wants the air to feel like her skin temperature.

I am a vegetarian and she is a "meat hound" as she describes herself.

She loves Direct TV and I hate, loathe, and despise all things cable TV and broadcast TV.

So when one of the things I do not like starts to get on my nerves I need to vent and here is best.
I tried to eat what I prepared for her meals since when she moved here with me I was exhausted from my own relocation and the trip to California to bring her to Maine where I relocated to. The round trip air travel caused me a lot of health problems. And I let the Direct TV be set up on the TVs.
I do get up early still but the time I have I enjoy the only thing I hit my speed when she is ready to be tended to and I stop to tend to her breakfast, her newspaper and making her chair and room comfortable. Takes about an hour on me to make her coffee just right and try to scramble her eggs correctly. I was drinking coffee with her but noticed it was making me edgy and nervous so I am back on tea which I prefer. She likes tea but only if it is brewed from loose tea and served in a china cup and saucer. Oh and it needs to be brewed in a china teapot for 5 minutes only, too.
I throw a bag of King Cole in my mug and let it sit until it gets to be the right color and then pop out the bag since it is good for 2 cups.
I tired eating meat for nearly a year and it was not easy. At first it was OK. I can't abide poultry at all. However, late last year I had to call it quits on the meat. I was being grossed out everyday and the mental anguish was brutal. For the last 6 to 8 weeks before I quite completely I was giving my meat to the cats. They miss that a lot!
So I am happily a vegan-ish vegetarian again. I feel better and eat a bigger variety of food again. The Old One eats vegetarian too at times but does not know it since I use TVP beefy crumbles for the spaghetti sauce, for the taco filling, for the tamale pie. And for the hulupse casserole.

So the latest thing that has sent me over the bend is the Direct TV. I am paying for 100s of stations of garbage. I found 3 that I like: The Weather Channel, TCM, and Sonic Tap New Age Music. I try the others once in a while and regret trying them in about 3 minutes. The HGTV station is meant to make people want HIGH END everything and promote stainless steel for the masses and granite as the only counter top material. I have never seen so many "reality" shows in my life. Every station seems to have their share and some stations, like HGTV, is 100% reality show format. Where is Christopher Lowell when I need him? So I listen to the Weather channel to get the local report for here in Maine, watch old movies when they are not re-showing the same ones 6 times in 3 weeks, and I listen to the New Age Music. I have it on since I pay a lot of money for the "privilege" of having the Direct TV and I hate to waste money on something I can not use.
So this morning one third of the stations I use on Direct TV is gone. I tried the brand X station they substituted and I ask when does my local weather come on....in an hour never!
I have a lot of other things that tax my patience but they are here Old One or not.
My head hurts from the warm house, I need another cup of tea she will be down soon.