a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Sunday, August 27, 2017

New Age Dilemma

We are growing older. We have been refugees for 16 years. We lost our place, our sense of belonging and see in hindsight we were not wrong in our actions and plans. However we are growing older and need to decide to settle down. To move again, or age in place and settle here are our dilemma. Here is not really home but then again our home is gone so it is just a choice. We are at the age where children and grandchildren should be out comfort but we married late in life and decided not to risk children. We have seen dozens of families and what kind of children are created but families and society. So far the best (responsible, mature, dependable capable adult children) took a very ridged family life that revolved around the raising of the children to become adults. Everything else was sidelined. Out of the many so far 2 families had decent children. Everyone else have adult childish people still thinking like spoiled teenagers in their 20s, 30s 40s. The decent mature adult child seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

So we are not mourning that loss of the children will care for the parent ideal. However we need to age as well as we can and prepared for our own ending.

We live in the nutmeg carver state. I never knew or thought it would be THIS bad. We need to be close to the border since we, at least I, will end up in my new country. He is still working on his life and projects and throws out edict to me when I least expect them.

I need to deal with two dead peoples stuff that I am saddled with. Some was easy to dispose off, some not so easy since I need an expert to evaluate special collections. But as I said I live in the boonies and finding expert, honest people is not easy. We have already seen how finding even handymen to do a job, FINISH a job is damn near impossible.
The question today is do we move again? It will be a move closer to the border. There are inviolable rules that must be met for another move the first is scenic beauty, for us that is water front or water view. The second is affordable and not a dump. Both are important. We have abilities for some work but will need paid help for most of the work. However the scenic beauty is chief. We have scenic beauty now but are 3 hours from the border. Times will only get worse as they have shown in the past 16 years, so being closer to the Home side will be a benefit. We can easily flow from one side to the other until......
We are also waiting for the cats to die off. When we were younger it was easier to care for out babies and attrition has halved the number we arrived with here to the Nutmeg Carver state. All are 12+ years old taken care of and loved but it is better to just have one or 2 cats. We feed the feral cats that come. For me I would love an apartment with a view. Yards are hard to clean when the snow flies. My forever home has a small manageable yard. Here is a sloping hill. Beautiful views from every window. Two story.... not the ideal for me in old age.
I saw a downtown apartment building for sale with shops on the street level and SIX river view apartments for not a lot of money in this day and age out side of this state. But who wants to open a shop of some sort, a cafe and maybe an office or two plus have some rentals? The ad said it needed some renovations...that can mean anything in real estate lingo from oh dear no grant counter tops to OH HELL it needs all plumbing and electrical through out. It is a Flat Iron brick building that looks awesome Oh to be 40 again!
So that is my new age dilemma. I wish I new people who wanted to really do something but I do not. I do not know anyone anywhere anymore. I am a refugee who is a bit too old to take on a new project except for maybe another house closer to place I will be buried.

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