I am ready to cry today. Q needs to go back to Canada and has left for the 6 hour drive and the Jackboot's interrogation at the border. I am alone again. I am so not liking this arrangement at all. At least there seems to be clear weather for his drive. I can fall apart so fast and it is so hard to keep together. I hate what we have been forced to do. I get lost so easily.
I am outraged and sick at my treatment at the border yesterday. It was worse than an old war movie since it was real, and cold blooded and sanctioned by my government like they do torture to anyone who strikes their fancy. It only happened AFTER the Schutzstaffel (SS) officer saw my name on my passport. That is a good name for the Homeland Security forces on the border, they have as much power and fear producing ability.
I have a lot to keep busy but it does not stop the noise in my head. The what if fears that have haunted me since 9/11. He was stopped by police while on a field trip with a college bus full of students (all adults college students)detained in the back seat of their patrol car in front of the students for an hour, then told to get the hell out their county and escorted to the border. This was 16 miles from a major American city 7th largest. They could have taken him in and I never would have know what happened to him. He could have become one of the disappeared people, he can still be disappeared now at the border, he knows it. I know it and I am sick with fear, until he calls me. Then I know he is OK.
I rage and cry; fear and loathe all who do not know or do not care or like that this happens to people like us.
One half of my family tree was eliminated during the war,(WW2)in Europe. I know how easy it can happen to someone secular and as "American" as anyone else when the government hates a group of people....
Yes we have 2 houses, both old(112yrs) paid. Neither was an expensive house. Both needed work....this one is in the process from being a dump to livable and it is costing us more then what we have........
And I hate today. I hope it goes away soon. It should turn to pain soon and I will cry some more.