a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Friday, November 11, 2011

The House of Good-Bye

This House knows we are leaving it. I feel it and see it getting depressed at the realization we are leaving for good this time. It breaks my heart to leave this House. If I could take it with us I would, how I love this little big House. Yes it needs some decorating, but since we are leaving we do not need to fix it for ourselves- just so someone will buy it and I hope love it as we do. If I could move it to Maine 3000 miles… but the cost is out of our reach maybe a million dollars sound like a lot of money to me so I pull that from the air. I do know it is close to 3000 miles depending on the route needed for a house to be moved then set up again. It will need to be insulated for Maine weather- Texas is never that cold for that long. I already miss this house and feel so sad. This loss is like when I  left home to marry, but I knew I’d see Mother again. No this is like when I left the US for Canada- I knew I’d never see my mother again. It is a haunted feeling to know in your soul that those you love will never be alive again in your eyes- just as memories inside. Six years Mother is gone and I am just beginning to heal. So many have passed away since. The toll was frightening, the grief unbearably painful. And now. And now to truly leave this House forever hurts. I do not like the climate here, but I love this House, this neighborhood. I can bird watch here, see squriles, opossums, grow a garden on its ⅓ acre. I miss this house and must no look back when we leave this spring. I never looked back before but since marriage this House has been home, a place I am loved unconditionally. It is not the House of course but it is. It is this House where I found love. I honor that. I miss House. Good-bye.

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