June is Busting Out

I am getting ready for a great adventure. I need to get all the stuff I can nail down nailed down the rest will just have to float for a while. I may need and I plan to stay longer than 2 weeks to get auntie Nellie, Boris the cat, and all her stuff ready to move. Fresno is out and Sacramento is in. For all its size Fresno is a waste of my time. It has become harder to travel in the states and soon will be in Canada, too. Since VIA train is now stopping service from Montreal to Halifax. Atlantic Canada is not isolated.

It is all Business-is-government plot to control the movement of the people. We are forced to own a car, and pay money to the greedy oil companies. Public transport is non existent for all intents and purposes. Sweeti can NOT get from Calais, Maine to Miramichi New Brunswick. There is no train (used to be) there is no bus service, the only way is to drive. Addicted to OIL!? I think not we have no other choice at this time who created this Cowardly New World? Big auto industry and big oil along with the military industrial complex.


We are still the cash cows and we are getting less and less, fewer and fewer services from out high taxes. We are insulted by the people in government & abused by them on a daily basis. In New Brunswick if one does not speak French there are no jobs, and one is made to feel inferior to others. Everyone wants revenge on the ancient oppressor. Only bad thing is those oppressors are dead...LONG DEAD.....

Humanity is as vile as it ever was. Petty people occupy jobs where they can insult and make other lives miserable....they do it because no one has a voice. They do because they can.
Life is fair really. The rain falls on us all. However:

PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BE FAIR OR UNFAIR ON A DAILY BASIS. It is their choice and they hide behind arcane rules and their Prejudice, Bigotry, and Ethnic Hate. These petty bureaucrats & clerks are the first line against the people. they have theirs and their whole reason to be is to keep YOU and ME from getting what is promised from the Business-Is Government(BIG).

Yes June is busting out and I need to fight the system and try to rescue an old lady...... I need super powers and a load of money....money the state of New York has stolen from me btw, with their own grab for my throat..Money a nasty person who tricked me in Texas........Humans I'd rather deal with the Narn they have at least honor.

Cooking and other Housewifery

I like to cook. However the price of Propane to run the stove is $3.00 a gallon. I still have no idea how much I use when cooking. The crock pot takes forever but if I plan ahead I can make stuff. I like to eat; however, cooking for one is very hard. Prepackaged food are not cost effective or nutritious. Now that I am living in a cold climate what I want to eat and what I am used to cooking(making) are not the same. When it is 50º for the high cold foods are not desired by me. So long to the mixed salads & cold sandwiches.

I am scattered in thoughts and work. So many things need to be done and I can not do the important ones myself. And trying to get someone to just show up for a quote is the challenge. I am in a strange country.

We may be the United States but the rules and regulations are all different. so I am in a new country that happens to be English speaking. I know I need to adjust to the climate and I am it is what I wanted after all. After so many years in the tropics it will take time. I did not expect the vampires to be so numerous! Sitting outside when it is nice enough is the same challenge that I had in the tropics....BUGS...not just annoying bugs but evil vampire bugs that leave great big wounds.

I now Know why "Dark Shadows" was in Maine! With all the wounds from the biting flies who can tell a vampire wound?
Long sleeves, high collars, long leggings are the fashion choice for me. It will be part of my Andaz, my personal style. I also need waterproof boots. It will take some time to adjust to the new life. It was different in Texas I was coming out of the Central Valley in California and at lest in San Antonio I was not in the fog for the wintertime.

But the weather has changed over the years I was in Texas. Summers started to last longer and begin earlier. Rain became a deluge or drought nothing in between. And there are fire ants in Texas. Here my head and neck are wounded, there my feet and hands were covered with the pustules from the ant bites and the pain was great. Sitting outside meant mosquitoes here too, in additions to the black flies.

Back to cooking and shopping. I did not realize that Ellsworth was so far away from Milbridge. I am a champion catalog and online shopper. I do not like to drive in bad weather and here it is always something. The PTSD limits my time out in public. The renewal of my fears came when I was stopped with out cause by the stormtrooper in New York State. That sucked my progress right out. It also is and will suck my money out too. Money I could have used to fix my foundation, my roof, my unfinished room...and a host of other things. So If I need to go anywhere it is a few days to get the courage up and working to leave the house, as well as rationing the gas for the car. I will be glad when Auntie Nellie is here. I feel more brave when I have another person in the house. So the point of this is Honeyville http://store.honeyvillegrain.com/ I have tried so many of their products and they deliver.

I do recommend their products. It has been a long time since the produce in the stores where I go has been first quality or even fresh. Most is at the end of its keeping stage and goes bad rather fast even though I know how to store and prepare vegetables. So if they are old vegetables their nutrition is shot anyway. Onions are already going bad from the inside out...only means they are months old already before they hit the stores. So why not buy dehydrated, freeze dried!? So far so good. Every product I have bought has been first class and the empty cans make good canisters for the crafty person.

So I need a ladder and I think I found one and it can be shipped to my home.
Housewifery is a full time job if it is done well.

A day in the Life of me.

I need to make lists with small goals to keep me more centered. I did this morning and by the time I got down stairs I lost the list. I made another one it is right here. So far so good. I gave myself One Hour for internet... it can be such a time waster. But it is also my social life since my fall from grace.

The weather is fine and I am OK.

My alloted hour got interrupted with a phone call from sweeti. I put on a pot of borscht. I may have the gumption for pidiskis, may.... but I have homemade bread. Inkee my 16 year old cat asked for more food( canned) he has lost one of his fangs( his fanger) a few years back. And he feels less than able to defend himself from all the kids here. His vision is poor too..he is allergic to antibiotics and certain cat litters. He has always been a gentle black cat. So I fed him. When he wants something he gets my attention, I ask what does he want, I then name things, when I get to the right thing( food, cat nip, sitting..me w/ him on my lap...) he presses his head to my leg this means yes to us. He wanted more wet food. With 22 cats it creates a riot so I put him in a room and gave him a little can. I then had to give treats to the youngsters they know when someone gets special treatment and do not understand the elderly need special care (sorta like people ,no?) It is a beautiful day the people are going all over the state and I hope enjoying the scenery.

I enjoy watching the traffic go by. I do not care for much travel anymore. I am itching to paint but to buy paint means I need to drive to Ellsworth, means I need to buy rollers, a ladder, an extension for the rollers, extra roller covers, paint tray..... plus the paint so it is best to put off for a while and pay off the moving expenses. Then while I am there I should buy curtain rods and the other stuff that I need and can't get by UPS or FedEX. I have chosen the colors. I have a list of to do for the handyman when ever he remembers to call I may email him on Monday evening, it is a holiday and the weather is nice; I can't deny this nice weather to a Mainer at all!

I am finally out of that nasty cat litter( I hate walmart for not keeping in stock enough of the one we all like) it is all over the place and the cats vomit from it( cats vomit at a drop of a hat). I need to vacuum 3 or 4 times a day, I need more area rugs to catch the litter so it it at least stays on a carpet and not get everywhere.


So my one hour is almost done( adjusted for phone calls and soup putting on) I want to craft something today or maybe watch a movie....I'd like a nap but.....

Hope you weekend is going well.

New Brunswick, Canada

New Brunswick, Canada discriminates against English speaking people and favors bilingual over mono-lingual speakers to the point of freezing them out of all the better paying & best paying jobs. This means that a better qualified mono-lingual person is not hired in favor of a bilingual person who has lesser abilities. Go to any Service New Brunswick or any government department and you will find all bilingual people. And you will also see inefficient lackluster people, who speak English 90% of the time. The other 10% is on their break when they gossip in French while smoking outside. However there is no program, no assistance, no nothing to help those who want to learn French. There are also conflicting answers to the question of "Well if I do take that class for a year from 8am to 4 pm 5 days a week and pay the three thousand dollars that class will cost will cost will I get a job?" Answer was no. It is not long enough to be considered bilingual! Will I get some financial assistance since I can't work during that year? No.

No one in my age group learned French as a second language. The majority of New Brunswickers are English speaking. I have nothing against the Canadian French language, I want to learn it. What I have is a problem with is the institutionalized discrimination by the provincial government of 75% of its citizens who through no fault of their own do not speak Canadian French. We are being driven out of New Brunswick for lack of jobs, not lack of jobs we are qualified for but the fact that since we are not bilingual we can't even apply for them.

Of course this is payback for the years of British rule and the expulsion of the French in 1755-1763. And the act that made New Brunswick bilingual was passed in 1982. It was suppose to be a good thing so all people would be included and those who has a preference had the choice of language. However it is now the one thing that separated the citizen from the good jobs and those who need to leave or not even try. English speakers are treated like second class people in the market place and at the Provincial level. Who to complain too? Who looks after our rights? Personne. No one.

Busy falling apart

I have been alone since Wednesday. Not That long but it is the first time I am alone since 2009. I had a major breakdown in 2005/6. I have PTSD and the unjust ticket from the state of New York and this move has stressed me to the edge of the abyss. I have a doctor and she has helped very much. But unlike other mental disorders this is based on real traumatic events and can, and do, revisit my dreams and peek into the day via a scent or sound or a fleeting glimpse from the corner of my eye. Medications help but enough to really block the memories zero me out and I am a zombia with out the brain eating.

The unexpected poverty has not helped nor has aging helped. Inside I am still the me at 35. The first traumatic events began then. A whirlwind of a life followed and then the bigger things began. Not in any order but they piled up each happened before any kind of recovery from the previous event. Long drawn out traumas. The strength was already hammered from earlier times and how many blows does a rock take before that final blow hit the spot that shattered.

I am trying to cope. It is not the mental all it is also a few physical injuries that have hindered me too. Now it is the money to get the major repairs done here so I can decorate. We were misled about several things with this house. It is a dump really when compared to my home in Miramichi.. I am pulled in opposite directions. Both directions need to be addressed, they are real events that need to be done. If only this were imaginations and fantasy. Reality is so much worse when it is crashing down around. The bricks are real and there are bruises of the body as well as the soul.

At this moment in time I will decide it is the fact I am out of a particular medication and waiting for the delivery next week. Going anywhere as a long distance is not in the cards at this time...Thank-you New York State......driving is back to square 2.... just around town in a dripping sweat over 1/2 mile.......

Music helps or makes it worse. May be I can find a little escape in a DVD. Or choosing colors.

Mother's Day 2012

Six years ago I was still in shock about my mother's sudden death the previous November. I was on my way to spend the Holidays with her when she died the morning of my arrival day. I was looking forward to the holidays with her since I had moved to Canada in August 2004. We talked everyday or so from the day I left, and I never felt she was in imminent danger of sudden death. I miss my mother but I do not wish her to live in the pain she was hiding from me. She knew I would come the day she asked me to come.

However she wanted me to have my own life now since I had used my late teens, 20s and nearly all my 30s helping her with my invalid father's care. I was happy for Mom to have seen me go to a real university and graduate with not only a BA but my Masters degree. She was proud and felt she had finally be able to do right by me. I do a lot in honor of my Mother. I care for my family of husband and cats, I keep things clean and sanitary, she was after all an infection control nurse in the times before all the antibiotics. MRSA would never have had a chance with her! She dreaded going to the hospitals and always said she wanted to die in her own bed.

On this Mother's Day I will call my mother's oldest sister, my Auntie Nellie. Auntie Nellie is 95 and as amazed to be that old as anyone! She is my God Mother when I was baptized. I may not believe in a deity anymore but I still love and respect my Aunt/God Mother. I am preparing a room for her in my new old home since no one in California where she lives wants to let he in their homes for her final years. Yes she is living on her own and still able to sorta. No one at age 95 should be living alone. There are plenty of relatives who really owe her that have the space and time to let an elder live with them...all those pious Russian Molokans, all those pious Jews, they have room and reason to care for here. I am 3300 miles away and it will take us over 3 days to get to here! 1 day in the hotel at the departure airport since all the flights leave at 6am, 10 plus house and 2 plane changes on the travel day, then another night in the airport hotel since the flight gets in at 12am. No way I will haul her for another 2 hours in the dark and in the car after such a trip! She is welcome here and what ever and all her stuff she wants too. Even her cat.

I am getting the room ready. It will be the little bedroom on the first floor. That room has a flush in the closet and the closet is big enough for a full powder room. I am wondering if I can get a window cut in the wall?. I have a much bigger room but not the money or the people to finish it into a nice room... it is woefully undone. The little room is warm has two windows with nice views. And as I told her, I do expect her to live in the whole house and not be in the bedroom unless she is sleeping or napping. This will be her home too. later we can decide on what to do with other parts. Now she needs shelter from those who yell at her for living too long! And that shelter is with me, as an honor to me to do for her.

Two Front Doors

My house has two front doors. The one we use is to the Kitchen. The "official" one is locked and closed with a storm doors about 100 years old. This house is not as nicely built as my home in New Brunswick. This house was for the working newly middle class folks. The doors are thinner than in New Brunswick. The entry hall is not a grand entrance but a small cramped area like in English houses of the same class.However it is 112 years old. The former owners were not very handy whatever they did was on the cheap and not with much foresight or skill. I doubt anything was professionally put in since they moved here in 1942. The first people who lived here may have had some taste but the person I bought this from did everything with no imagination or taste.

Now I do decorate and do things on a serious budget but I have plenty of imagination and taste so the clearance prices and goods are a challenge to me to choose the best one. I got in the three outdoor fixtures since this house has none over the kitchen door and broken ones at the front and deck side door. I choose tow for the front doors. The porch needed a flush mount, I got one in Oiled Bronze, the Main door is a carriage light in oiled bronze. Not matchy matchy but they look nice together; and I got them at a very good price. The deck door is an aluminum nautical looking light that will look nice and has a down casting light. The deck is private and not exposed to the public. But I will be able to see it from my kitchen sink. Now to call the electrician.

What to do with that main front door? Nasty cheap frosted plastic film is on the windows in the door. I have no money for a beveled glass or stained glass replacement and the kitchen door's windows are cracked and patched with the same frosted plastic film. I must replace the kitchen windows and they need to be custom cut and that will take any extra for something special. However I came across a wonderful website that sells plastic window films of a designer nature and they offer free samples so I looked through all their styles and had to choose just five. If I did not have stunning views from every window I'd be tempted to cover all the windows with that stuff! I can't wait for the samples to arrive! The front door will be show worthy.

I hear the house wanting to be pretty and wishing some one with some taste comes and dresses it up. But what to do with the storm door? I cannot afford a new all glass one---they are very costly. But the ol' imagination kicked in and I saw other storm doors painted bright, unusual colors, I am not as good an artist as I wish I was so no stunning mural is in the making... BUT...I do have a pattern of a pieced quilt that I like. Geometric patterns I can map out and paint! I also wanted to paint the detail trim out side, as well as the stairs next season when the new wood is broke in. I have seen some nice stairs that are alternating colors....a good idea for the old and stupid who are not used to walking up and down stairs!

My Russian/gypsy genes are charged up since this place is much like Siberia after the years in hot south Texas. Burnt Olive( Kilz brand), a good deep...but not to hard... red, a deep sea blue (like I see right now from the window!)and metallic gold (The quilt pattern has a gold sun circle and as I look at the porch pillars I want a metallic stripe inside the detail. [I also found a first class paint supply for the metallic paint. I may get by with a sample pot since I will use it discreetly.]) will be the accent colors on the outside trim, stairs, porch floors, and the deck. There are several houses here that are painted ladies. I am just doing trim for now and when I get a 50 foot ladder I can do the second and third floor windows.

So the desire to fix up this house is strong the pocket is empty and I need to use what I have and get by with some paint and what I have. I can do it. anyone with money can get the job done but doing a nice job with none?... that is talent. ;-)