a heart is captive

a heart is captive

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Ten Years Ago

Tomorrow it will be ten years that my mother died. I was in route to see her and missed her by a few hours. The why is important too. I would have been there sooner but my sister said it was not serious and to take my time. She was lying. During these past ten years I lost my mother, moved two times, had a breakdown, lost several other relatives, friends, and cats. The cats are important family to me so they are included. I am living in a place I never heard of now. I have another home in another place I never heard of too. My breakdown is ongoing in treatment. I have custody of my very elderly aunt(98), no other family wanted her and I know why but that is not the point. I miss my mother today. I have not seen nor spoken to the person who once was my sister in ten years. It appears she is not concerned by this silent 10 years. Today I am ill. Most likely an ear something since I am dizzy brained and feel a bit cottony in the head. I have a nice view out the window. What is left of my family is safe and home. Life is OK. My aunt is not my mother and each day I do for my aunt I miss my mother since she is not like my mother at all. I am almost used to not having a sister. When the one you thought was a sister turns out to hate your guts since childhood one gets over the sisterly feeling fairly fast. Today there is no snow, Ten years ago there was a lot of snow then; in Texas it was very warm and very dry. I no longer call Texas home; nor do I call California home. Home is where most of my stuff is or at least where my cats are. I am wondering around in my brain today since it is tens years since my mother died and 11 since the last time I saw her alive and I miss her.

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