Afsana

It was so long ago that even the idea of a memory was forgotten, until a song from nearly fifty years ago showed up in my news feed….and it was nearly fifty years ago when I last heard the song. As I listened to it I thought I would never leave a man I loved that much…until….that memory climbed out of the the third level of forgotten hell. So many lives I have  lived since that last note faded off the radio. I was so many people during these nearly 50 years. I left her behind a life times ago and now she comes crashing back to remind me who I once was.  And yes I did leave him and I loved him so much I ached inside just hearing him sing. I followed him  to the end of the world and shivered in a cold water flat to be with him. We traveled and sang and just over the rainbow was the big times. Soon the time we would be discovered. Until then we played in dives or on the streets or at the wild parties of the decadent of those olden days; they always managed to stiff us or pawn off their drugs as payment.  You needed them more than I did. I remember now. After four years of this gypsy life of me waiting the tables at the places you sang, me not even singing or playing any more, but still you voice thrilled me and gave me that ache inside…four years ….is not that long a time when looking back… but I only remember it as me always being cold, always a bit hungry….you began to take gigs a bit farther away from where I was working and coming home to me. I went off with you one last time; although I did not know it was the last time….looking back?…. no not even looking through experience and through love clouded eyes did I think that was the last time I would be with you. Do I regret leaving? No. I was so lost for a long time after but I knew  I needed to survive and you would do your life with others and I did find out about the others before I left. That song was our life. And I did walk into the sunset with no idea what I would do or what I would become or even if I would live. I left with no idea of where I was going…. I only knew why. One song and I can wallow in a memory of someone else's life, it was not the me I became. The new old me is OK and you are such a faded memory that there is not color but I only remember the cold. Nice song.