An idea

Losing Notre Dame is like losing the moon, it has always been there and has been there for every writer of literature, of music, we read, of painters, we see, we listen to today…out lasted every empire it saw…Je suis inconsolable

However I have a grand idea. That will work better than the current war mongers MIC.

I shall outline my idea here and it was inspired by a new friend.

Let all the Billionaires contribute Just One billion dollars each to the rebuilding on Norte Dame….

From that money create the glass works in places using solar power to make the glass.

There will jobs for 100 years for artists, historians, craftsmen( and women) stone workers and the related skills, the related services, the related food, housing etc.

Let each wealthy country regardless of religion contribute…..

Let the scientist design the needed air quality, water quality, the  living towns & villages that will be all over the world for the people to create the items needed for a full remake of this grand symbol of human accomplishment that was built by people with grander hearts and souls than we in 1100-1200AD….

There is too much of money hoarded by these overly wealthy men and women that if spread around( and corruption kept in check) can create a new era of humanity. 

Stop the war machines and create the worlds heritage that is being destroyed by our unchecked hubris.

There are many tributes of mankind’s creative endeavors that need serious restoration now or be lost forever to the decay of the soul of human beings …..Venice, The Taj Mahal come to mind….if we look there are hundreds of areas all over the world endangered of being lost to all of us forever.

Are we not all the same specie? Have we grown so dull witted and closed minded that we rather destroy this earth and all that our species has created because someone thinks that owning 20 mansions means they can sleep in twenty beds in the same night?

Do not simply  put aside the artificial differences we created for use to make war-geld. But let us truly see we are one…we are like a rainbow from a prism… One Shard of Crystal that a beam of sunlight breaks into may colors…colors we, humans do not even see then all, but the others, our animal brethren see, even the flowers and insects see and product more colors than our puny human eye can see.

No one will live forever and many of you Billionaires are already elderly ….think you can take it with you…hahahaha.

 Have you gone so long with out your heart and soul that you wish your legacy to be greed and death? The possibilities are immense and this earth is all we have and You…old billionaires are going to die sooner than you think.

Refugee Part 3

Calling out the Bigots

I am frustrated today….I am angry at bigots, those prejudice people who seem to run all the businesses out there…( at least here) but Here is the same as every where else in the USA….no?

Since the republicans have been infesting the government for so long most people do not see the problem since it does not apply to them. I see it since it is happening every day to me and my husband….

My husband would like a part time job. He is fit and capable of working these jobs available here locally, but he is not being hired. He has passed the tests, jumped through the hoops but never hired. There is still a sign at Walmart saying it is hiring…just not hiring his kind….apparently.

At first we thought it was an age thing he is an older man…nope not an age thing half the people at the Walmart here is an old person. Then we thought that maybe because he can not stand for an hour at a time and must sit a bit? Nope many of the workers are allowed to sit and do their work there are disabled people all over working in the Walmart….so what else could it be? The only thing it could be is his name is Abdul, he is one of those mohammed dudes! you know those terrorists who have done all those school shootings lately…no wait those are white christian men, not mohammed dudes….

So the only conclusion I can reasonably come to is this - These people are bigots, prejudice, racist white people….

I am sorry to call this to your attention since I know few people care a fig about what happens to a mohammed dude. Lord know no one dropped a beat when we were being rounded up after 9/11….no one came to our aid when we disappeared after that midnight knock at the door….no one cared that we were American tax paying citizens either! So it was not about the money, was not about being an American citizen it was all about being a mohammed dude….and you what nothing has changed in the 18 years after 9/11…..so excuse me if I do not get all upset at your new problems…you all bought into the hysteria some time ago and have never let us forget it….

Refugee Part Two

Refugee part 2

I never thought I would become refugee again. But it has happened.

When I discovered G+ it was a very new social platform. I found company there when I had none in real life. 

I was a real life refugee when I joined G+ many years ago. I was happy to find something stable in my existence; and those I met there helped me through very dark and traumatic times. I am on my fifth house move since 2004, since becoming a refugee. However I was always on G+. No matter what my physical address was I had a place where everyone knew me and I knew them. People who cared about me and I cared about them. I could be intimate taking about my problems, illnesses, fears…my daily ups and downs. I was buoyed by my cyber friends. Moreover I buoyed my cycler friends through their struggles, too. We found each other across the globe! I have lost several dear ones and was grateful for their relatives to post that they had died suddenly so the worries could become the grief and the fond memories. As in “real” life people die here. However here on our G+ when we move we can still be friends. We can still depend on each others humor and concern and advice and snark attacks to make us laugh when we are weeping in the dim light in front of our computers..alone but not abandoned.

I left much behind me each time I moved.  Each time I landed in a new town I tried to fit in, or to at least be friendly and meet people. When one is new to a community it is hard to break through the barrier of static being. People who have not had to move from pillar to post have created their rich, full lives; making room for an outsider is not easy and most times not welcome.  A new person also is needy and may try too hard ….no one likes that either. Then age catches up and I found people in my age group were grandparents stable in their lives full of their grandees. Not much in common. I learned the hard way when one is being snubbed after a delightful chat with a new person and saying oh we must get together for coffee soon…their reply was “I don’t drink coffee”  BAM…you know that this chance meeting is not the thing…how do I meet others for just a chat and visit? No idea in these 18 years as being an other, an outsider…no idea how to go about meeting real life people. So the Social Media Platforms were a way to be social to connect with other humans on a personal level….we may not be in the same country or time zone but we have similar interests and can chat about stuff…..over my cup of tea and their beer since they are in the evening and I am in the morning…

Not anymore! G+ has abandoned their platform not caring about the human beings who populated that universe. We are all abandoned to the wind…each looking for another place to hang our hat…not wanting to lose each other! There are dozens of social media platforms some nicer than others each with attitudes or being so different it is hard to fit in anywhere. I know that feeling in real life as I am in my fifth home, a new area/state/country in 14 years, hoping this is the final one since I am growing older and tired of packing and moving and losing stuff.

Losing people.

A New Book to include in the Bible

I read The Red Tent  by Anita Diamant and I recommend it for women to read and for men who know themselves ....I think it should be included in the Bible as the Book Of Dinah. It reads well, meaning it feels as authentic as anything else in the Bible and has a powerful message that the Abrahamic religions are 100% against women; were not created for women at all; and the lot of women's lives have been ruined because of these religions. Of course anyone who disagrees with me will be shown the door unless they can show why I am wrong.
I started out as one who enjoyed the whole church going thing, sunday school, the whole nine yards until my questions were dismissed by the teachers and my desire to be a minister was laughed at as impossible....note this was decades before the first women were let into this profession.
 I changed religions  search for something that did not make me feel bad for just being female...some sorta luck not even that was not enough since none that I found, looked at, dabbled in were the least bit spiritually satisfying to my needs and I had needs...all went unmet and I circled around the bad bits and one day after years of thought, prayer, meditation, writing, I came to the conclusion that my prayers were not answered  because not that god was mean, not because god didn't care, not because god was too busy but because there was simply nothing there listening to me except the neurons in my head when I think. So the idea of a nasty bitter weight of the mean god was lifted off my chest and I was able to walk out of the religion prison since I had the key.  It was liberating to say the least. I then began to resent all the time I spent in the rituals which I sincerely followed. I had to fill in the times I set aside for prayer with something productive. I wrote in my journal, read books, played with the cats, pulled weeds in the garden or watched TV...all time well spent. It did take some time to get over the  resentment of taking my time and making me feel bad because I was born female. So much wasted time for nothing. I am not even agnostic at this point ...if there is something, not not even if. There is nothing of any religion that says welcome to me.....so I created from all the reading and the common sense and yes there are passages in every "holy" book that are useful in life to help a person see right from wrong....Love is the answer to everything. All I see is the hate of each religion what they do not do when they should and what they do do when it is expressly forbidden in their own holy books. So religions are a made up thing in favor of men and to keep women in physical and psychological bondage. All the Abrahamic religions are thousand even the newer cults are thus also. So read this novel, it needs to be in the bible to give women a voice. since not everyone can handle their lives with out their religion and god...this freedom is not easy at first and if you are weak you need the support of your religion. I gained strength when I left it behind no everyone can survive the truth. Peace and love one another. Wish what you want for yourself for others. And love .

analyze the mood

Been analyzing my current depression...even after waffles....the underlying truth of G+ going down the tubes is the base....then the realization that Rosy may not live that long...the tiniest of the feral litter, the first of the potatoes who came to me, has been ill twice with feral diseases and treated but her little immune system is not in good condition. She is currently with her brother Jerry who gave her a good washing and is now cuddling his baby sister. QB( Jerry's sister) and Lil'Smokey all love her and are the most loving to each other set of siblings one litter apart I have ever seen. We have have had several sets of siblings and these 4 out do all the others for camaraderie and affection . We have the mother of both sets and the father of the last litter. Breaks my heart. Doctors can not cure everything. So I take care of her..she still eats and plays but is not thriving like her litter sister. So that is a depression. The current political situation is traumatizing, the fires in California, the callousness of those elected officials to life ( everyone's life human and non human) has appalled me into depression. I can no more believe in any god thing to try to fool myself into something out there that cares when there is no evidence. I let others keep their  delusion, like children and Santa why spoil it for them?
I like my new house and the area is so friendly this move was a good one. This early snow has surprised all of us and even though it is pretty it means winter will be longer by 2 months...last winter was not through until last of April so by next April? So 6 moth of winter, a few months of not winter and then maybe some warm weather and Fall will begin...
There is not one government out there in the whole earth that is doing its best for everyone in their country or the world. It looks like we as a species can only get so far then the braincells die in a vast number of humans and people revert to barbarians and become savages again. We have plenty of everything for everyone in the over populated world however many are so greedy that they hog so much that others die for lack of the basic necessities right in the cities they reign in. There are not enough words to describe how appalled I am at the lack of compassion  and love in the humans that rule the earth when I see more love and compassion in cats. I see crows and sea gulls share a nice bag of garbage...I watch municipalities poison food that others wanted to share with the poor, I see women with $10,000 handbags knowing $10K can keep a family alive for a year...What is most shocking is that no one cares except those with no power. It is all about power and greed. A sad fretful day...The snow is pretty here and I am dying.  I feel so grief stricken to know my species has devolved back into savages and barbarians. Although their females do carry  $10,000 handbags and their males wear $94,000 watches. The pod people have won.

End Time

The very hardest thing to come to terms with is when the love of your life has reached a time in his life where your love becomes a burden…not that they cease to love you but when that loves adds to their burden of life when they are developing health issues and end of life issues. Needing to tend to another’s needs for the closeness, the companionship takes energy away from their ability to tend to their needs. 

When I realized that I am now, my love is now, a burden, of course I felt rejected, hurt, and crushed to my very marrow. I cried and still tear up with undefinable grief at the thought with me so old so close to my own demise, all alone. I always wanted to be loved, to belong somewhere, to some one. I know I belong to me, however to quote a character from my favorite modern novel the silent reason Hild chose to buy the slave, the body woman was because “she can not leave me” since all her family, friends have had to leave her. No one thought about the emotional pain Hild was going through. I am like that only not the Light of anyone.  I am just an ordinary person living in interesting times.

I am not in a place that I can call home except my things are here with me and a few cats. The cats are also a burden to me since leaving here means I need to take them….but leave I must. I have a place will take a few days with a helper to move all the items of  my life from one full packed room into the empty house, now finished and now ready to be lived in, by me, and it looks like alone with a few cats. This also causes me untold grief at this time in my life.  Finding a helper in a strange land is no easy task, either. To enter older age alone is not how I envisioned me. I tried so hard to develop some sort of social safety network with those people I loved once,  to share a home together…but each of those people I approached to this subject refused and seemed insulted. I lated found out that the “love” the “friendship” professed was not real just the result that I had more money to spend on them. That caused me new heartache. It has been years to get through that pain….now I have new pain, more profound pain since my life partner is also needing to pull away for his needs that I can not be of help. 

For 16 years I have been a refugee. The only things of comfort were the things I could surround me in the temporary places I lived, the cats that came with me, the person who loved me. I could deal with the hardships when my little circle was complete. Now the circle is broken and I need to walk away….alone…forever….at least my forever is not that many years now.

The Real Problem

It is not guns, it is not drugs, it is not any of the symptoms of a decayed country that is the cause of the violence in the US and apparently around the world. It is Society,  people, average citizens. It is apathy and selfishness so extreme that it looks like save yourself while stomping over others also running.  From whom are we running ? The shooters? The drug dealers ( and please include the doctors in this category) who is at fault for this failing country( I will stay with the USA since the models fits every where else).
As a species we really are pathetic now a days. We are so xenophobic that the slightest divination for an artificial norm and people freak out and go nuts.
Then there are the ultra rich who are not the least bit enlightened nor educated nor fully human with the traits that define humanity. These people have become so rich ( FEW on their own merit and work) that their most deviant, depraved, and immoral thoughts and desires can and do turn in to actions of monumental proportions afflicting the poor people around them and where ever they can cause havoc in the lives of others who have no recourse nor protection  .... much like the stories of the ancient barons, counts, and other aristocracy who wrought havoc in the countryside. Now the ultra rich who seem to be above any law civil or moral have been working towards their perverse desires. It has been going on for a few decades now....these perverted people who are now old, have moved into the political circles and bought as many of the politicians as they can. It will be easier to count those not bought than those owned outright and are in thrall to their masters.
As for guns, yes they are weapons.....however it is not the weapon that kills it is the Society that allows violence to become normal, acceptable and excusable. Those who can change this all are also in thrall to their leaders no reasonable republican nor democrat wants children murdered in school. However we have no more reason no more sense  in either party. Both have sold out and Society....the voters are OK with this or why would deplorable people continue to be elected? It is the greedy and selfish voter who covets their money so much  that even they very hint of paying taxes makes their head cloud up and and and all compassion and sense is erased. Of course until they are affected it becomes another story they become angry that THEY are now victimized by their own desires for others to suffer.
 Corporations are the greediest of all, no matter the human cost they crave profits above all else.  They buy companies not for the product they create but for the profit they create or the way to transfer debt then that new company can die ex. Toys R Us and a hundred other companies, that have shuttered their doors not from lack of customers but from corporate maneuvers to transfer debt and make money. Move jobs over seas...not to help a struggling country gain employment but to penalize American workers who want a living wage and to exploit the need for work in the another country that will work for less because their standard of living is 70 years behind the USA's standard of living.
All this has contributed to the stress and anger of regular people. Many people have always been living on the mental edge of breakdown. Some turn to drugs to ease the pain; some have pain from the work they had to do to keep a roof over their head, some served this country in the corporate wars and were discarded once they can no longer serve mammon. Drugs are a way to escape the mental and physical pain.
Some lash out at the boot of injustice crushing their neck we call them terrorists.  Some lash out to society to hurt those who have caused them their pain. Many innocents die. Then many more creators of violence are born the moment they see no justice exists in this world. We are told to pray to god and told a better world awaits us after death. AND THAT IS THE CRUX of the international problem of violence .....we need to die to have a better life. If that does not cause us pause, it that does not give us a what the crap are you talking about moment then you are the problem. We only have this one life,( even if there is reincarnation we still have only one life at a time.....)
So those who tell us to pray and believe have fostered this violence with their sanguine apathy of better things to come. While of course they live a fat bountiful full life of good times, good food,  regal shelter, and enough clothes to not be in rags....
The rich who prey on the poor and suck their life's blood and then those poor deluded ones who think this life in unimportant and something better will await..... They work hand in hand to make the vast majority of other lives suffer.  The rich love the perverse sadistic suffering and they have convinced  the like minded, though too poor, to indulge in their sadistic ways. While the religious are working with an incomplete set of cards trying to play the game where there are no winners only losers. This is a wonderful world humans have created.....and some of us humans see this and despair and those of us who see this transcend despair and try hard to opt out......
Society at large is the problem ...full of their greed, lust, perversity and all the horrors the humans mind can create and think to inflict on those with no recourse no protector.....until one day the people become the mob like in the France or Russia and revolt .........but that will not happen......too many people are OK with they status quo. Sad ......