New

I was listening to old favorite music on Youtube and began to think and reflect on how much I loved it way back when I was imprisoned by cruel circumstances during my 20s and 30s. The emotional pain I had from the isolation is almost hard to remember now. I can listen to the music with out that pit of despair sending chills into my soul. I have only one person to thank for my life now. He loved me, accepted me, and removed me from my wretchedness. Everything has not been perfect. Not by a long shot. However I have had normal bouts of sad and anguish. Nothing like the suicidal despair I lived through for many years. Life is better.

https://youtu.be/fsLrnylZheE

It has been awhile

It has been awhile since I last posted anything. Life has been in a turmoil reminiscent of a Kafka story. I always seem to get hit out of left field. I wonder am I not paying attention or are these occurrences from others reaching a point of explosion that I do not see? The political landscape is scary and I just want my personal life calm yet it is that life that blows up the most. I am a live and let live kind of person who is patient and easy going in the face of things I have no control over. Yes I hate my kitchen to the point of madness, I love to cook and serve and do the domestic thing yet the kitchen is evil, hard to work in and cramped with stuff I hate. I have several things that that grate on me daily. But I try to not show it to others. Yet I manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I blow someone up. Was it really what I said or was it just their moment of ignition and I supplied the match? Who knows. I am living in a fixer upper with and old, old person who apologizes every morning to me for getting another day older. I am in a transition from one way of life to another or am I? Such a dilemma. Babar is ill an old and dying too. Poor thing, he still enjoys cat stuff like the old,old one enjoys what she does.It is nature that is cruel and fickle. So I wait for the old ones to pass on. And I never know when what I say will set people off.....Woden knows I never have the intention of saying anything to insult anyone. I am sorry for everything I say. Then intent is never meant to hurt. Peace.

I am the Aberration...

I have been thinking a lot about life lately. I love life on a whole, and hate what most people do with the short time we all have to enjoy the few years we have here on earth.
I know hate is a strong word but when other people are actively making my life journey hard for their nasty reasons I get ticked off.
This attitude includes relatives as well as those “elected” types who do their best to force their attitudes on others.
I have been told since I was a child that Life is not fair. I have really been contemplating that statement for decades and You know what? That is BS. It is an excuse and justification for bad, nasty behavior from those who for some unfathomable reason want others to suffer at their hands or in general.
Why do you want others to suffer? I ask that to all the “conservative FOX and GOP” types. I ask that of all the religious types who like to make others not of their faith suffer and die or live a miserable life. What thrill do you get to let others go hungry, homeless, cold, or be tortured and bombed? What kind if sickness do you suffer from that harming others and then justifying it for some political/religious reason as a good thing? How much hate do you have in your heart? It must be a lot since this world could be a nice place for everyone but YOU don’t want to share with the world your abundance even when your abundance rots in an over stocked refrigerator or gets thrown away in a land fill.
I see the individual people who are so self centered that only their comfort is important and has always been paramount that they get their fun, their way or the will make everyone around them suffer.
I now see why the world is so screwed up. I am not in the majority.
I am the anomaly, I am the odd man/woman out on this planet. My attitude is the wrong one ….to love ones neighbor, to do unto to others as I would have done to me….That is the perverted, the aberration of the species. I am the aberration and that is why I can see how awful this world is. I am the sick one.

Merry Christmas

I am listening to my Christmas song list on Youtube. I hear the words and am disappointed in the message conveyed by the sweet words.
I need to digress just a bit….I read the novel Hild this autumn, I was enthralled by it. To say I loved it is an understatement.
It is now 2000 years past the creation of Christianity. I see more hopelessness than was ever in the world of Hild of 500 ACE. I see so many hate filled postings on the internet from so called Christians. Right now our supposedly Christian nation( those who are in office tout this on a daily basis) is at war with nearly the whole world. Their apologist will say it is those evil Muslims who has cause all this but we all know better that we are no innocents in this area.
I can speak from each side on this matter. I can not defend either side, nor would I want to. It is the season of Jesus and all the ignorant people are screaming about putting Jesus back into the season.
Yet what is going on here in this “Christian” country? It is a crime to feed the homeless in many part of this country…. Florida is the leader in this. Our police are out of control and looks like they are staffed by lunatics. Our elected officials begrudge every penny to the unfortunate that even would appall Scrooge before the visit from the three ghosts. He at least paid his taxes to support the work houses and prisons.
Today prisons are a business concern run for profit.
Children are worshipped while in the womb, but once born it is acceptable to let them go hungry and live in poverty…in this the once richest country of the world.
We want to fight wars since we have so many nice weapons and created a perfect enemy that is self sustaining yet impossible to define…a perfect storm for the war profiteers.
We have Billionaires in this country that want to create their own version of dystopia in the once nice country. Their money can buy and has bought nearly every politician in this country. Their agenda is frightening to anyone who has read their desires.
We have leaders who are village idiots who think solar power uses up the sun and dries the sun to old people in the wintertime since so many die of the cold.
Only here( I do know this is not all true but it is illustrative) can a person be fined and jailed for collecting rain water. Only here is it an on going active campaign to limit personal solar power on one’s home. Only here are citizen referred to as “consumers” and not people, not citizens. Only here are we denied of rights to free speech… being told there is a consequence for speaking out. Knowing one will get fired from a job, or jailed, or disappeared for speaking out pretty much limits free speech.
So in this festive season of beautiful carols with now meaningless words people are buying stuff they do not need, and the message from the Bible was a lie.
Jesus’s birth did not bring peace on earth…in 2000 years Christians have not made a world of peace, love, compassion, or empathy. We are only told we first must die and then we have peace …well …….PHOOEY on that idea.
It was a tragic thing when the Christ’s Priests came to the land where Hild lived…..

A Different Perspective on Pearl Harbor

Today is the anniversary of the Pearl Harbor Attack. After that attack this country went into a major war effort. There were real enemies and it was a global effort. A lot of countries were part of the effort; a lot of countries put their own quest for independence from being colonized off until the their occupier country had either won their war or last. It made no difference to the colonies who won.
However that is not the gist of my essay. I am writing on this anniversary of the beginning of our (USA) WWII to say we have brought shame on the lives lost in that war. We call it the Greatest Generation who sacrificed for what they saw as a real threat to the world…yet they died in vain.
As a government we have shamed our fallen military. We do this Wreaths Across America, we revel in the national patriotic holidays and grovel at graves we have elevated out current cannon fodder to be heroes no matter what. Yet we have betrayed the very deaths of our grandfathers, fathers, uncles brothers and all the rest who died a long way from home. They died cold or over heated, of starvation, of wounds, of being blown to bits; but they felt they were doing this sacrifice for the good of the generations to come, their children and grandchildren, for their nation and peoples. They died in vain. What have we created out of their sacrifice? Did we give the United Nations a chance to be effective? No. We started the containment of “communism” because we were afraid of another way of government or did we listen to the war profiteers to keep their war manufacturing sound? We spent the next 40 years out spending the Soviets and creating many little wars to keep the public off balance and not thinking about what was really going on. We could not contemplate peace anywhere. So many countries that wanted their independence were either denied( French Indo China) or divided in such a way to create the groundwork for infinite unrest. Now we face the real Damocles Sword of rouge nuclear bombs.
All this could have been avoided if our government could have looked at peace and worked towards that instead of feeding the bloated Military Industrial Complex. We fed the dark side all my life, yet I can see it was wrong. If all my life I was fed the party line yet I can see the faults and each step we took wrong… wrong from the peaceful point of view but not from the view of profit for the 1%. We fed the bloated Bureaucrats and stuffed the Businesses with so much money they take it out of the USA and put it overseas to avoid taxes. And what have the people gotten, we are accused of freeloading if we ask for living wages, affordable medical care & even food for our children. They are bloated with riches and we get nothing. Even what the last great President (FDR) created( Social Security) is being taken away, mismanaged, and destroyed so there will be nothing left for the poor people.
I am ashamed for the lives lost fighting WWII. I am ashamed for every dead solider since That war. We ask our young people to die, but give them lies to die for. The Serfs never asked why they just died, or ran away to America land of the free….now there is no where for our serfs to run too. I am ashamed our people died in vain.



Patriotic Holidays

I hate these holidays that ask me to thank a Vet for their sacrifice for my freedom. Those Vets are all nearly dead. No one has died for my freedom in my life time.

Not one war would have ruined this country's economic or otherwise freedom. All the wars military persons have died in have been in the name of skewed ideology or greed for oil or simple revenge. No safety has been secured, no enemy has been defeated, no country has been saved in anyway in my life time.

We have wounded, maimed, and disable men and women being brave in their sacrifice. We have a Congress blind to their sacrifice, their suffering, and craving more ways for more pain they can inflict on their own country and other countries that looked at the USA cross-eyed or just a passing sideways glance. We have forced our views on others while sucking dry our own people of their money, their hope, their faith and love for country. Congress has mangled the Constitution and ignored the rights we once had as inalienable.

We no longer use any religious moral code to base out actions on. Those who claim to be Christians are not more a Christian than the moon. Actions speak... words just pollute the air. The ultra conservatives are so afraid of any changes that they send back people to Congress who would be the village idiot who, like a broken clock could be right twice a day except they are missing the minute hand. We are so divided that the all of us are mired in semantics and definitions of the words we shoot like arrow volleys.

Spare me these Patriotic Holidays. World War II is over and Japan and Germany won in the long run. We lost, The American People lost, however the American Corporate Empires are fat and wealthy like Croesus and like Midas turn everything in to gold. Can't eat gold, can't sleep on gold can't drink gold.

I will take the challenge

I saw
http://writers-write-creative-blog.posthaven.com/daily-writing-prompt-KpxVwQ

I decided to try.

I have had a rucksack prepared for this event for decades. It kept me sane in the face of extreme depression and imprisonment. The prison was of my own devices of being a good daughter and staying home to care for my invalid father while my mother went back to work. Father was not kind all the time to me. I had a sister who left and only came to ask for money. She never once offered to help me out in all the years I was at home tending to a cranky, verbally abusive man cut down in his prime. I coped because I loved my father. I stayed out of duty because it was the right thing to do.

I saw a TV show called Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy and decided that if the off chance this could happen I needed a ruck sack so I could leave at a moments notice.
The contents changed over the years. I even had a traveling outfit ready...I said it was to keep me sane in a time of great challenges.....

My first thought was it is cold in space. So a pair of wool socks was in the pocket with a change of undies. I was a practical person if I were to travel I needed to be tidy, clean, and well dressed for the occasion. I am a female so I have a bit of make-up...mascara, a liner pencil, some shadow...no lip stick. I also have a jar of petroleum jelly, toothbrush, a baggie of baking soda & aspirin. I do have the towel & several hankies. I have a shawl made of alpaca it is warm and folds small. I have a notebook, pens and pencils and a very good jack knife of all things. I have a comb and hairpins. I did keep soap and shampoo... not a lot because I am sure there are ways to keep clean in this adventure. If I needed to be on earth I also had money to tide me over until I can find work. Along with that all the ID and papers one needs to be acceptable. That was in a small zipper pouch.
I had a silk scarf. I had a bottle of water & some granola bars. Like Heidi I wore all my clothes in layers. I also had good walking shoes. I wore my jewelry, what I wore changed over the years to be more real gold and silver for barter. I also had a few paperback books in the rucksack those also changed over the decades. I now have a bowl made of wood, some matches and a fat candle, wood spoon. The rucksack is still not full and still not very heavy. I can customize the contents at will. I no longer need menstrual items which saves space and makes me free to take that rucksack and just leave .......Depending on the circumstances I am ready but if it is here I need to take the cats and the Old One with me since we don't need to leave unless it is a disaster.......I am still doing my duty.....