Decorator's Blues

I am waiting for people to come and do work. Roof. Install the stair lift. Put more than 3 outlets up stairs. Create a safe walkway in front, and a driveway....So many mechanical things that need to be done before the fun of a house to decorate is to be done. And so goes the decorating money.....I did the house in Miramichi on a real shoe string budget. If memory serves me correctly I spent less than $500 on the whole house including the sofa, love seat, and chair I got used-ish. They are perfect for the slipcovers I can get here but I am not there.

This house needs major work. The former owner was a jerk, idiot, tasteless bumpkin, low class white trash- and many other epithets I can find. Suffice it to say this house needs major decoration and repairs to become nice. Anything he did, he did wrong. The new-ish kitchen cabinets are installed so there is a tilt forward so everything tips over or rolls off. The position of the smaller set of cabinets does not allow for enough room to get anything larger than a person through. There is, however plenty of space so it could have been installed for ease of movement of things like washers, dryers, fridges...... but no, something was amiss in his logic part of his brain. I have heard stories but so far I see no evidence to corroborate these rumors. I will stay with my own list of epithets. His mother raise an idiot.

This could become a lovely home. It has a nice view. It is spacious. The rooms are generous. I just need to remove the tacky, jerryrigged crap and that takes time and money that could be spent in paint, door knobs, flooring......

I need a ladder. And I need to feel better. I spent the last six months packing and stressing about all sorts of major unexpected bombs that fell on our life. All cost money that we did not have to spare.

However, I am trying to find the right red for the sun room. The red I love is on a game I play on FB. I have curtains that will be fantastic with this odd reddish orangeish color in my head. It is a soft color. I would like a velvet finish. It is warm. The room is sunny and I need a color that will envelop during snowy days and complement the green and trees outside.

As for the kitchen, What can I do with 6 doors? I could start from scratch. I would like to. But the budget will not allow for such extravagance, since the downstairs bathrooms need major work. Whoever invented particle board bathroom cabinets should be drawn and quartered.

So I wait for the men to get time for me so I can do what I can do.

At least the closet will be nice when it gets done. But what to do with my wonderful clothes hangers?

FOX from New TV viewer's view

I have been watching TV with my Auntie for a week now here at home and for 3 weeks in California. She likes FOX. I gave it a try. As an open minded person I wanted to see what all the fuss was about since I have not watched broadcast TV since it went digital in 2009. I see all the techniques they use to inflame and misdirect viewers. They really are TV side bombers. They do a lot of damage to the collective thinking of viewers. They remind me of the flim flam people who do that pea under the shell game. Of course what is truth? They have their agenda and the No Spin Zone definitely has spin. What O'Reilly says may be true but it is out of proportion to the subject matter used to inflame and misdirect the attention of the viewer. It is obvious they do not like anything but oil from the Middle East and Muslim countries, it is also painfully obvious they believ it is the right of the USA to have it cheaply. They are very strong in the anti Muslim bias no matter what they say their essays. Their delivery says this to one who knows the tricks of inflection and innuendo. They are reactionary and not true conservative, and they interchange liberal with socialist, communist and independent thinking. They are so in love with Israel that all others involved in that part of the world become subhumans in their attitudes. It may be some form the collective guilt from the USA refusing to let Jews in this country when Jews were allowed to leave Germany before they were interned and murdered. Or it may be the desire to enable the second coming of Jesus. I do see they are irrational when it comes to people with out faith or belief. Makes them livid and they fall all over themselves to scream and rant( albeit in a modulated voice-at least some) They all love to shout and talk over anyone who has a differing opinion. It really becomes a free for all. I get agitated while watching because they leave out so much information that is vital to being an informed person. I do see that those who like it already are biased against Muslims, anything from the non-Christian perspective, and believe they are not poor but not yet rich. Many cling to the dream of wealth like a rosary, or their cross.

Here is one fact about drilling or oil sands/shale here in the USA...it will not bring down OUR price of gas unless the resulting oil is not allowed to be sold on the open market. Take that to the no Spin Zone.

Cost V. Benefits

As Everyone knows I have taken in my auntie to live with me. I bought this house last year before I even knew she would live with me. I love my aunt and want what is best for her.... and for me, too. I am 60 and I need to think about me too.

If all the improvements that need to be made to this house for her comfort and mobility are made that is a large out lay of money. She wants a bathtub like she had in California and to tell you the truth I hated that tub, it is cramped and killed my knee every time I got in or out. The idea of getting that here is not in my plans. However they seem to be hers. She is 95. I do not want to dishonor her in anyway, however I need to think about me and my old age too. I have no one to look after me she has me.

While at the doctor's appointment last week I saw an ad for an assisted living place. I have looked into it today, and with the money that needs to be spent on fixing this place up with things that I would not need, she could supplement her income and live in one of the apartments there.

I have no healthcare in the USA but have it in Canada. I did not plan to spend my life in Maine but use this house for shopping and as a second home to visit and maybe sell down the line once it is fixed up. I'd rather live with my husband there then here. here is nice but Canada is my home now.

I can stay here of course. I can go to see her once a week. I can do a lot of things. But what is best for her now as well as me? I have no idea at this point in time.
I offered my home freely and do not regret getting her out of that ugly situation she was in thanks to several relatives that forget she did not die when Joyce died. I still do not regret having her here. But what is best for her if she lives 5 more years and gets to be 100? If the shots in her eye stop working and if she declines further what then? What little savings she has would be spent in fixing this place and there would be nothing left for then. I need to think about this and will not make any decisions. But I need to think about her money well spent on her.

No More Discrimination!

In New Brunswick, Canada, the government (provincial and national) actively ignore the plight of English speaking citizens. We must endure lower qualified workers in our services, stores and anywhere the public needs to associate with strangers simply because they speak French and more often than not they speak crappy English. I speak crappy French but great English but that will not get me into the door for any job interview. Is there any service from the province that lets a person learn French? No, nothing is there that will create a qualified bilingual speaker, and nothing under many thousands of dollars and years of study that will end up counting for anything in the job market. The province hates English speaking citizens and we are treated like second class citizens or worse as unwanted people. I always get the subtle attitude of go away from here English speaker, you are not wanted. I am treated poorly by the French speakers.

To declare a bilingual province and not provide assistance to teach all the adults who were brought up as English speakers before the edict was enthroned that New Brunswick should be bilingual is discrimination, and it is a brain drain on the province because of this dirty practice. The edict does not require anyone to be bilingual to be hired in New Brunswick or Canada however the administration enforces this non-written mandate which has frozen out several generations of English speakers.

This is the first in a series to wake up Canada and New Brunswick rants. French is a nice language but it is not the only language nor even the world language that will get a person ahead. I guess this is why New Brunswick is the new old Newfoundland... A joke.

One of those pity party days

I am feeling sorry for myself and I need to vent. How else than to blog?! First off, I do not resent taking in my Aunt Nellie, she is a nice person and in no way am I upset at her.

I am upset though at the reason I had to take her in. And that I was the only one to do it.

Here is my back story-- I will keep it short.

The reason is I was the only one to take care of my Dad when I was just 20 to age 36. I spent 16 years of the young, fun times caring for my Dad who could be very hard to live with; he was verbally abusive to me many times but I stayed for my mother's sake.

I had a sister (still do technically) but she was never around to help not one day in 16 years. Oh she'd come to visit and call to ask for money but as for any kind of help... never. After my Dad died I was 36, lost my youth and opportunities to make something of myself (not that the sister did anything worthwhile). I was under educated, no skills, no job to pay into SSA. No thanks from anyone except Mom. I actually got mouthy talk from relatives on how I sucked off my parents! That hurt very much too, considering they were eating the food I prepared, shopped for, and enjoying the clean house I kept. So my sister was nasty to me and so were the relatives. Yes I really sucked off them for a long time!!!!!

I then met the man who would become my husband. Shocked the hell out of everyone that anyone would marry me. I married in haste to escape and have a life. That was 25 years ago. Qudus sent me to college. So I now have a BA and a MA. I worked at a job I loved...teaching in college...until 9/11...this is another blog for later.

So we lived like other people ups and downs. We retired and moved to Maine since I hate the heat of Texas and I never met anyone nice there. After 9/11 it got worse for us but that belongs in another blog.

I have a lovely dumpster of a fixer upper house in Maine and what happens to me? My Elderly Aunt is being mistreated by those who said they would care for her. No one hit her but they left her alone, skimmed money off her and let an old lady be alone who should not have been nor was suppose to be...

There are plenty of people who could have cared for her while she stayed in her own little house she built but those relatives made sure that would not happen. You see even I knew that Frances was suppose to move into Joyce's house so she could care for Nellie, because Joyce told me that. So in their rush to screw an old lady Richard Uncle Jim and Mary did the unthinkable...at least to a compassionate person. Several nieces could have had her in their home in California if it came to that, and there used to be enough of Aunty's savings to help her along if she needed professional care in a home.

But no I am the only one who stepped up and offered her a home. I live in Maine and I already spent 16 years caring for another and was looking forward to having some fun in steampunk decorating my old dumpster or moving back to Canada and be with my husband and friends. I am a little tired and I am 60 and I am now sad and alone feeling and doing the best I can to care for someone who cared for me. Although I am not one of the many who lived with her during their lean times sucking off her generous heart.

So I am feeling sorry for myself today since I now have a hundred boxes to sort through, another house of furniture to find a place for, and I can't steampunk my bathroom. And I need to have cable TV for her and she likes FOX. So woe is me, But I am glad she is here with me and not all alone at the non mercy of those who should be caring for her in her own home!

So forgive me my pity party today. i have a hair appointment so maybe that will help.

Fear and Hope

So much has happened this last year. August to August. My head whirls just thinking about everything unplanned that HAD to be dealt with. I am 4 months in a new house that turned out to be in worse shape than advertised. We make do and are slowing fixing it. A new family member is with us who lost her life savings and home by "theft" by her own family.

I am scared of this coming winter. When I am alone I can cope well enough, but my 95 year old Auntie needs better care than I would give myself so I need to provide for her first. Now the weather is nice but when the snow flies and we need to drive to Bangor to get the miracle eye injections that gave her back her sight, I am afraid. I have not driven in snow since 2008. I can still drive. I am fine, but I have this responsibility for her well being. Caring for cats is one thing but another human being?

I still need to get the driveway and pathway fixed since she uses a walker, and this house was not bought with her in mind last June! So much to think and plan for. I have interviewed a nice lady to help. I have written my cousin to see if she'd like to live here for a year and enjoy and help too. I do not want her husband though, he creeps me out a bit. He is happy as a wilderness man and I know she is not thrilled to be living like that anymore. She will most likely say no to me.

Life is funny. I was never in the top 10 to do what I am doing. I am as far away from California as I can get and stay in the USA. I'd rather go home to Canada and I would have, but Auntie is here. Yes life is funny. It is scary. It is thrilling. It is beautiful. It is full of ugly. Yet life is all there is and all must be accepted and lived through. I just need to keep going through the long tunnel and I know there will be enough sunshine, pretty snow falls and nice times to make up for the hardships.

Beware of Relatives

Relatives are first in line to screw you. I have seen more times where it is family that is dangerous than strangers. My own story is sad but the story of my 95 year old Auntie is sadder.
Auntie is a WWII vet, single and has worked all her life and saved her money. In 2008 the the niece that was to care for her died. At the time she was blind and could not walk. Her darling Sister and Brother-in-Law offered to help her. The brother of the niece, Auntie's Nephew seems to be a jerk. Niece was on Auntie's bank accounts as a safety feature, as all elderly people are advised to get another to help with these things just in incase. Nephew decided that everything in Auntie's accounts was half his sister's! He took it out and left Auntie high and dry. Sold the house out from under Auntie- Auntie built this house, paid for it and paid all the property taxes, paid off the mortgage for Niece since she was dying of cancer.
Everyone( sister, brother-in-law, nephew) decided that half of the money from Auntie's account now belonged to them.
I get a letter from the Sister's lawyer telling me that Sister and Brother-in-Law have graciously let Auntie live rent free in her own house( they bought the houses from Nephew (Dead Sisters house and the house that Auntie built and paid for on the same double size lot.) Plus they said they were paying all the expenses of Aunties since the Dead Sister's death. However I have all the canceled checks and all the bank balances and Auntie paid every cent of her expenses and all the property taxes and related expenses of her house. Yet they say they were gracious enough to let her live in her own house rent free.
I am not going to tell this to their lawyer. He is a lawyer after all, and his ethics are with his clients. Since his clients have no conscience and told Auntie she is living too long anyway why should I spend my money to fight them? May they rot in their own living hell. I have Auntie in my home where she is safe fed and cared for. No more days of isolation and worry about what is to become of her. No one should be victimized, especially by family. But They are the first in line to screw you.